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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I did the right thing and she was U and rude?

62 replies

twilight3 · 28/03/2011 12:02

was babysitting for my nephews ex-wife on Friday all day as she had job interviews to go to. Took her 3yo to nursery in the morning while she was getting ready and then went back home to stay with 2yo who has chicken pox.

Nursery was already informed about me dropping off/picking up and when I arrived in the afternoon with 2yo in a pushchair I stayed OUTSIDE, in the garden, waved at a member of staff who saw me through the window and they brought 3yo out to me. All good until a mother marched up to me and started barking about me bringing a child with chicken pox to nursery etc. I was so embarassed I just ran away, but I think I shouldn't have (although I didn't want 2yo around little kids any more than neccessary)

Was I BU? He's not infectious anymore, but that aside, what do you do? Leave him at home? I DID NOT go in any closed spaces, didn't let him touch anything, just walked into the garden. Could have walked past the garden with the same effect.
What do other mums do when in this position and noone to leave ill child with for the pick-up?

OP posts:

DSM · 28/03/2011 12:05

They were BU. You didn't bring the child into the nursery, therefore their argument is irrelevant and pointless.

scurryfunge · 28/03/2011 12:06

You did the right thing and she was being a tit.

Chil1234 · 28/03/2011 12:06

Don't give it another thought. If someone decides they're queen for the day and gives you a hard time, it says more about their level of irrational paranoia than anything to do with you. She sounds off her dot, frankly.

exhausted2011 · 28/03/2011 12:06

if the child isn't contagious, you should have just said so.
Some people feel very strongly about chickenpox. she shouldn't have been so rude though.
is the child still really spotty?

SarkyLady · 28/03/2011 12:09

If your 2yo is contagious then she should not have been there.

If your 2yo is definitely not contagious (as you state) then the nursery was being a bit daft in having you wait outside.

I would guess that the mother involved assumed she was contagious because of the way you managed the pick up. TBH I don't blame her for having a go. I would prob have done the same.

SarkyLady · 28/03/2011 12:10

Actually I wouldn't have done the same - I'd have had a quite word with the nursery staff.

alemci · 28/03/2011 12:13

what else could you do in the situation. you stayed outside and I think that was most considerate. Would it have been so awful anyway if one of the children had caught it. Most people want their children to have it rather than catching it as a teen or adult which can be worse.

I remember my daughter starting reception and getting it then my yd got it then my baby son which was quite hard as he was quite ill but at least it got it over and done with

Original poster

twilight3 · 28/03/2011 13:15

sarky, assumin he was still infectious, what's there to do other than not go in the nursery? She could have kept I suppose the 3yo at home as well, but I don't know if she'd be able to find baby-sitting, at least I know i'd be hesitant to look after both of them for the entire day.

Either way I hate hollier-than-thou culture where people will just stop you in the street and tell you you're wrong (which of course means they know better and they're right). It's so rude and don't know when it started, it wasn't like this in my day

OP posts:

Original poster

twilight3 · 28/03/2011 13:16

I can't believe I just said "in my day"

OP posts:

pingu2209 · 28/03/2011 13:24

I'm not sure what else you could have done! You couldn't leave her alone, she was in the pushchair (not running around) and you waited outside. Everything you did was appropriate - even if the 2 year old was still infectious.

Let it go and if you see her again when doing another babysitting favour - just smile politely and ask her if her child came down with chicken pox as well.

ChaoticAngelofDenial · 28/03/2011 13:24

at "in my day"

YANBU in fact you were very considerate.

Needanewname · 28/03/2011 13:30

I had a health visitor have a go at me when I took DD2 to be weighed with DD1 who was covered in pox scabs, notice I said scabs as in not contagious (I had even checked with the doctor). It was all hugely embarrasing, though I think I did manage to stand up to her and told her what a rude woman she was and that I was glad she was retiring (a few other run in with her with DD1)

I told her that of all people she should know that DD1 was no longer infectious and that if I even thought she might be there was no way I would have taken her to the baby clinic where I knew there'd be lots of newbies.

Some people!

SarkyLady · 28/03/2011 13:39

"sarky, assuming he was still infectious, what's there to do other than not go in the nursery?"

IMO if a child is contagious they should be at home. If this means that another child in your care also stays home then that is just what you do. You have no right to knowingly put others at risk when you have no idea about their medical circs. Obv things get harder once they are at school. But by then IME it is usually possible to get parents of classmates to help out.

And btw I know what a hassle this can be, so you have my sympathy.

Original poster

twilight3 · 28/03/2011 13:55

no sympathy needed, not my children. However, and please someone correct me if I'm wrong, I was under the impression than chicken pox get get pased on by toucking, sneezing or coughing on etc, not by walking next to someone who has it. Hence I'm thinking 2yo strapped in a pushchair, not touching naything, not talking to anyone = not dangerous? I might be wrong here...

btw, I don't make light of chicken pox, I know how serious it can be and have immunised my children (before you lot shoot me it was a very informed decision due to various circumstances), but I think it's paranoia thinking that you'll catch it if you look at someone who has it...

OP posts:

mummytime · 28/03/2011 14:14

You'd be amazed. I caught chicken pox in pregnancy, and the only contact I had was to talk to the Dad of a little girl with it. Definitely no close contact with children.

However this woman was U, it is probably already in the Nursery, and one of the peak infection times is the few days before spots.

glassortwo · 28/03/2011 14:32

The child had probably been in contact with the other children during pickups before the spots appeared anyway. So she was being BU.

AlfieandAnnieRose · 28/03/2011 14:35

at queen for the day!

PaisleyLeaf · 28/03/2011 14:50

Thing is she probably saw the handover thing and assumed him to still be contagious. As, in her mind, why else would the staff be bringing the DC out to you?
It is very contagious. Like you say about the coughing, it's airborne.

Original poster

twilight3 · 28/03/2011 14:58

but the the staff were bringing 3yo out to me was only because I requested so at drop off to avoid worrying parents.

OP posts:

Original poster

twilight3 · 28/03/2011 14:59

anyway, I've decided not to think about her anymore, queen for the day sums it up

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 28/03/2011 15:02

I think you did the best thing under the circumstances and she was rude to you.

But perhaps she was talking about the 3yo who had been in the nursery, despite having a brother who has active CP? Perhaps she thought that the 3yo might be carrying it and passing it on to everyone else?

SarkyLady · 28/03/2011 15:04

The nhs direct advice is very clear that she should stay at home while contagious.

Original poster

twilight3 · 28/03/2011 15:05

I'm not sure, but I wouldn't think that people keep their older and theoretically immune children at home (or themselves for that matter) when the baby gets chicken pox?

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 28/03/2011 15:08

well when they used to do quarantining, I think they quarantined everyone who was in contact who hadn't already had it until the incubation period was over - has the 3yo already had CP? Or been vaccinated?
thing is, even if he has, this mother wouldn't know that so she might have just assumed that the 3yo was a potential carrier of the 2yo's illness.

Or she might just have been overly paranoid about the 2yo being there in the open air - presumably none of the nursery workers actually came close to him?

Original poster

twilight3 · 28/03/2011 15:09

Can an immune person be carrying it and passing it on? As I said I know nothing about it as I never had to deal with it, I acted on the instructions and info the mum gave me and it all sounded fair and made sense..

Sarky, he wasn't contagious as far as the medical science is concerned (they may always be wrong) as it has been repeatedly stated above, but to me that's beyond the point. I simply can't believe the rudeness of some people

OP posts:

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