to not understand some of the logic involved in 'not treating food as treats'?

[MrsOtter]

I don't understand some of the things I hear regarding children and food and would appreciate clarification.

If you say that you do not offer any food as a treat then how do you teach 'in moderation?'. If it's not a treat do you not buy a birthday cake, as surely the cake is a treat?

I completely understand not offering food as rewards and never do this myself. However, the idea of it not being a treat baffles me.

I have never made a big fuss of dd having a cake or chocolate, she is 3 and I am teaching her that some foods need to be eaten in moderation. So she can eat as much fruit and vegetables as she likes but sweets, biscuits, cakes and crisps are to be eaten in moderation. She understands that she should only eat a 'little bit' of sweets because they are not good for her teeth.

If I did as some people suggest and show her no difference between her having a piece of fruit or a cake, she would, of her own accord, choose cake everytime and then end up overweight with bad teeth and no education re. food.

So, I guess what I'm saying is AIBU to feel that food given in moderation will always been viewed as a treat by the child, and by not giving in moderation you are not looking after the physical wellbeing of your child or educating them?

Some are more controlling than others Prunnhilda!

I agree with bruffin.
I remember moving to a new area and hosting a toddler coffee morning. I offered a plate of biscuits to the first DC (aged about 15months) and the mother recoiled as if it was poison with 'oh we don't eat biscuits', I felt dreadful and offered it to the next with trepidation! Everyone else was relaxed about it. I will give you one guess which DC couldn't play and was obsessed with getting a biscuit! The rest had one, or just nibbled a bit and were then too busy playing to give them a thought.
The DC that was denied them was an utter menace anywhere she went.
I agree there is no need to go out of your way to give a small DC chocolate, but there is no harm is someone buys them an Easter egg. Surely they have a special cake for their 1st birthday?

It's about not making "treat" food i.e chocolate, fatty foods etc, more attractive and differentiate them from other foods. We try to avoid using 'treats' but its hard as children do see chocolate etc as different (Well, it is I guess!!). We try to get dd to see all food stuffs as just food and that some foods are healthier than others but that foods less healthy are okay in moderation.

She would still choose chocolate and cake for very meal if she could!!

Sorry, that went a bit bold crazy then!

Nope, no harm in someone buying them an Easter egg because I get to eat it. :)

So would dd NorthernGobshte, and it makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong

Nah MrsOtter, think its just because chocolate and cake is yummy!! Fairly sure its normal and that in actual fact they would sicken of it soon and want something healthier. Don't worry. It's too easy to get hung up on childrens diets.

In fact, we have started to moderate LESS as she needs to start to make decisions about her own diet and eating habits (she's 6) and learn what makes you feel full, what makes you feel sickly, etc etc. We obviously say a firm NO if she has eaten too much sugar/chocolate etc but quite often she eats a healthy tea and then refuses a yoghurt/desert as feels full. Children have to learn to listen to bodies messages like fullness.

I never did and am a size 22! My parents were ludicrous about food, very controlling and food was a HUGE issue in our house. It has taken me well into adulthood to feel okay about food and I still battle a bit, and have yet to find way to stop self using food as comfort.

I think you are right.

There is a difference between a treat as in something tasty that you don't have very often and a treat/reward that leads to someone feeling that food = love, comfort, warmth and using it to either feel better or block out painful feelings.

If you see food as just food, then something you don't have very often is just a food that you don't have very often but you really enjoy eating it when you do have it.

If you see food as reward, or as something that will comfort you when you feel bad, then you are not seeing it as food, you are giving it an emotional value and that is when you will have problems.

I think that you have sorted out the whole problem, NorthernGobshite, by 6 yrs old a DC needs to start regulating themselves-if parents control it all they never learn. Worse than that they have to stuff themselves with 'forbidden' foods when they get the chance.

Thanks exotic - too true - I am sure we have all seen the child who "doesn't eat processed foods" stuff itself silly at a party!!

I see it all the time at parties- the only way that you are going to get a DC to eat healthily is to give them a healthy diet, eat it yourself, enjoy food, eat moderate portions, finish when you have had enough and get plenty of exercise.
So many people who are deeply controlling are not giving the DC chance to learn for themselves.