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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Im furious, but scared at the same time

39 replies

welshbyrd · 27/03/2011 21:09

over last few weeks this has happened
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1176943-Really-need-advice/AllOnOnePage#24485281
Got DS back into school on Friday, with support from head teacher, education officer etc

However, the vile nan, has told a member of my family, that she has repoted me to social services. For my 12yo DD/13 in may, taking the baby 2 in may, to the park, which is 10 yards from my house. DD12yo, has taken the baby to the park, always, when her friend brings her niece and nephew up, and they go together, half hour tops. If I stand outside my door, maybe take 6 steps, i can see the park. This happens about once every 2 months.
If she has made a complaint, and its not something she has stated to family member to get me worried, does anyone know the procedure SS have to take.
If SS contact HV, or DCs schools, I know there are no worries or concerns etc
I know I have nothing to hide, Ive never had SS ever involved in my children, and dont really know what to expect

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 27/03/2011 21:13

Since when has an elder sibling not been allowed to take a younger sibling out?

Stop worrying. I would bet the family are well known to SS after what I read in the previous thread, and am sure you have absolutely nothing to fear at all.

In fact, I would go so far to say it is a total bluff in any case. She doesnt sound the type to be going too close to SS.

AuntiePickleBottom · 27/03/2011 21:13

they will come and do an assesment, if SS are happy they will just close the case.

i really hate it when SS are called out of spite, as SS are over streched as it is and it is taking resorces away from families who need SS involement.

blinks · 27/03/2011 21:14

i honestly wouldn't worry about the report to SS, she's just trying to get revenge.

you should ask to be moved house if at all possible and get the fuck away from these arseholes. (am in sweary mood)

PavlovtheCat · 27/03/2011 21:16

I have passed on far far more serious information to SS in my work which has resulted in the information being 'put on file'. So this is likely to get an 'uhuh we will record it' and that is it. Info logged and no action taken.

Of course I expect it varies from area to area. But it takes a LOT for SS to step, and even if they wanted to/did (which it sounds unlikely) it would be with a view to offering support to any needs and no more.

Original poster
welshbyrd · 27/03/2011 21:17

Up until now, ive wanted to stand my ground, but when things have got so bad, im tempted to move. I know the council would assist me. I would not be able to leave the town though, have so much family around, would feel lost without them

OP posts:
CarGirl · 27/03/2011 21:17

They will realise it's vindictive.

The whole situation sounds horrendous I can understand why you're frightened.

nickschick · 27/03/2011 21:18

I think unfortunately it takes an 'accident' for SS to become involved in situations like this 'baby left in pram in red hot sun whilst teen babysitter cavorted naked on the rugby pitch' type of thing.

I dont think you need to worry.

Seabright · 27/03/2011 21:21

If SS are wordy involved with this family, the will probably realise that she's just trying to deflect attention and should see right through it.

You could take the initiative and contact SS yourself, show them you don't have anything to be concerned about

Original poster
welshbyrd · 27/03/2011 21:23

Me and DH have counted the amount of time DD has taken baby to park since the start of the year, twice its been. once this afternoon, when her friend brought her nephew up, and when in was the same friends b/day and she again brought her niece and nephew up, both times were 30-40 mins max, and literally yards from the house.
I must add, this was because DD asked to take baby out to park, not because I was stressed or needing to do some cleaning etc

OP posts:
Original poster
welshbyrd · 27/03/2011 21:24

Seabright, I would not know where to start, with regards to contacting the SS myself, but have thought about ringing the HV in morning

OP posts:
psiloveyou · 27/03/2011 21:27

Just read your other thread. They sound awful, poor you.

Don't worry about SS, they have enough to do already dealing with families like your neighbours. They won't be interested in a girl taking her little brother to the park.

PavlovtheCat · 27/03/2011 21:33

welshbyrd but even if it was because you were stressed, there is nothing wrong with that, 30 mins break with one of older siblings entertaining a younger sibling. it is normal. honestly. And lovely that your older one wants to do this. Soon enough she will be too busy!

doutzen · 27/03/2011 21:34

They haven't been evicted yet?
Perhaps phone SS just to have a word and clear your conscience - no point in worrying over nothing.

MummyDoIt · 27/03/2011 21:35

We've recently been investigated by SS because a crime was committed against one of my DSs. The procedure involved a social worker asking me a number of questions from a checklist. She also got reports from our GP and the school. She freely admitted it was a formality and she was just ticking boxes. She couldn't have been nicer and apparently I am a wonderful mother and my children are happy, well adjusted and well cared for! The whole process took about 20 minutes and the file is now closed.

If I were you, I wouldn't worry about it. They will recognise that the complain is vindictive and, if they investigate at all, it will just be a formality.

risingstar · 27/03/2011 21:40

welshbyrd- i let my 11 (nearly 12) dd take her little sister to the park in the buggy last summer- she was 2. I didnt hesitate because she is responsible, little one sees her as a grown up and dd and her friends love playing with her.

i know you know that you have done nothing wrong, just wanted to add this as a support to you. they sound totally mad and im sure ss have better things to do than investigate a sound family like yours.

Original poster
welshbyrd · 27/03/2011 21:41

Not sure if they have been evicted yet doutzen, the council is another phone call on my list tomorrow.
The housing officer explained to me, they could be evicted{actually as far as the law/dss/council papers etc, her husband is not even supposed to be living there]
he said if her attitude is crap in meeting she will be evicted, if she was calm etc, then the head housing officer would consider getting her to sign an extremely strict new 12 month tenancy, where if it was breached once, then eviction order would be processed.
As an eviction order takes 8 weeks to get into court, plus the court will give 28 days to hand in keys, if keys are not handed in then within 4 weeks bailiffs would go round
The housing officer said he would ring me, after the meeting on Thrusday, not tell me yes or no, but put it in a way where I would know or not
Having explained to him, if they stay im going, if they are evicted, Ill stay
He never phoned me back though, so will badger him tomorrow

OP posts:
Original poster
welshbyrd · 27/03/2011 21:49

In my head, prior to starting this thread, I was panicked.
But I really am just an ordinary mum, who does the school run, sits down with DCs homework, taxi for the swimming lessons, have silly amount of teenage friends for sleepovers with DD, takes the baby to softplay a few times a month, then its the usual cooking, cleaning, laundry etc
Ive even been questioning myself, my mothering skills.
Ive taken such a wallop this last 2 weeks, have been a little down by it all

OP posts:
Original poster
welshbyrd · 27/03/2011 21:52

thank you risingstar - I really appreciate your kind words. Normally I suppose I would not bat an eyelid, knowing how well my children are treated in our family, but my confidence has taken such a bash this last few weeks, its sometimes, nice to know other peoples perspective

OP posts:
NameChange1234 · 27/03/2011 22:00

I think it's lovely that your DD takes the baby to the park.

Cymar · 27/03/2011 22:26

Hopefully the council will evict these horrid people and you'll have a better set of neighbours soon with better attitudes.

In the meantime, have a Biscuit and a
Brew and
dunk and relax Smile

Birdsgottafly · 27/03/2011 22:46

If the neighbour has exagerated the situation with your children then the SS will carry out an investigation and then close the case when they discover the truth. They, at worst could verbally recommend that the younger one not be taken out by your DD until 3 years old but certainly no action would be taken and the case be closed. I would go careful about wanting information from the housing officer because if it came out that he was in any way discussing the case then the eviction would not be carried out, to cover up his professional misconduct. You will find out soon enough because they will quickly put 'the wheels in motion' and she will be served with a order seeking possesion. I doubt that they will go quietly.

LDNmummy · 27/03/2011 22:47

Oh dear! This is horrid, I really hope they are evicted. I feel sorry for her LO as much as yours as it seems this is a family teaching younger members to be violent considering the nan's behaviour.

SS will see right through this, don't worry. They will probably be angrier at the nan for wasting their time and it will look worse for her in the long run. I have seen a similar situation and it ended up pushing the council to evict the perosn who wasted SS's time as SS wrote some sort of reccomendation about it.

WTF is wrong with these people!??

Original poster
welshbyrd · 28/03/2011 08:18

really appreciate all the comments, im going to think about moving seriously today, what next? RSPCA regarding the pet rabbit. And then good knows what else after
Ive gone from abit down about the situation, to angry

OP posts:
ledkr · 28/03/2011 08:27

I work in cp and dont even think they will take the call seriously unless she embelishes it further.The family may well be known to them or come across as spitefull when they call the help desk,as others said the least they will do is a visit and advice.Stupid idiot,ss childrens services are stretched to the max as it is and also false accusations can make it harder to spot genuine concerns should they arise.If they contact you just play the game,dont be scared.

lesley33 · 28/03/2011 08:52

I agree they will probaby do nothing. But the most they will do is phone the school and visit you. The phone call and visit would just be to check that there is not more to this i.e. whether letting your older child take a younger child out means they are being neglected.

YANBU to have older child taking younger child out. But if your local SS isn't extremely busy they might follow up as above, because in some families with severe neglect, the older children end up looking after the younger children full time.

But after school saying things are fine and a visit showing everything is fine, then they will go away again. This is the absolute worst that will happen IME.

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