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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get upset about this? or am i just pathetic.

33 replies

CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 15:12

I have posted this in Chat, not a lot of responses but wondered what the AIBU tribe would think.....Maybe i need a kick up the arse to not let it bother me.

Just wondering because it was DS2s birthday last Sunday he was 3yr old.

When it was DS1(4) birthday in September my mum bought both boys a present - the same thing just different colours - each costing £9.99 - i know as seen them in the shop she bought them from.

MIL sent down (lives on Isle Of Skye) a £25 cheque for us to put in DS1 CTF account.

FIL bought both boys same things but different colours characters etc etc (always get them both something for each others birthdays, always have)

My dad bought DS1 a farm set with animals, tractors etc etc Dad also said for DS2 birthday they had got him a construction set in the same form as the farm set and i know this because my first initial reaction was 'oh great more little bits to dig into the bottom of my feet blush''

DS2 birthday comes round,

Mum buys him a peppa pig felt sticky thing costing £2.99 - nothing for DS1

Dad buys him clothes (which i'm grateful for as he needs them) and a Fireman Sam Fire Engine which is good - no little bits laying around.

MIL sends DS2 down a £10 Scottish note.

FIL - not been in touch AT ALL!!

Why cant people treat my children the same?!

DH has texted FIL to find out if he was coming over on the Sunday for DS2 birthday and no reply. DH said 'his whole childhood was like that so don't expect much from him' but hes never been spiteful with the Grandkids.

Mum had DS2 for the first time over night on his own for the first time ever because she wont have him as she always said he was too young - even though she had DS1 from a young age and he wasn't too young then for her. Now shes had him, she said she was very naughty, in which i heard about some of the things he did which i don't know why he was like he was because on his own at home he is generally a good little boy and you don't know you have him.
He wasn't sharing his toys with baby cousin, he was climbing shelves Shock he dropped a whole bottle of T-Cut down him and it smashed on the floor - in my response to my mum telling me this - why was a bottle of T-Cut in reach of 2 toddlers in the back garden Angry

AIBU to let it upset me?

Sorry its long.

OP posts:
GiddyPickle · 27/03/2011 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty · 27/03/2011 15:19

I suppose if they're going to buy for your other son when it's not his birthday, they should be even about it and do the same for both.

As for the rest..well do you know why your FIL hasn't answered the text? When was it sent?

The babysitting...well it does sound like your Mum had a lot on her plate with the two kids to look after. The T-Cut I imagine was a complete oversight...that happens when you don't have small kids of your own sometimes.

designergirl · 27/03/2011 15:20

I don't really know what to say, except maybe the novelty's wearing off a bit at having grandkids? Are they the only ones they have? How do they treat the others?

Original poster
CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 15:23

When my sister had her baby last year my mum used to say to me

"hes always smiling, shes a good mum she is"

Making out that i wasn't. It just feels as if people forget about us having a second child. Even when i had DS2 it was the same day as my cousins wedding in Bahamas and when my mum came to hospital to see him, the first thing she said was
"isn't he ugly" Angry

Then she said 'XXX got married today was you thinking of her at 2pm?'

Ermmmmm no mam because i was half way through getting stitched up at that time due to the excessive amount of tearing i had Angry

Its just as if people forget about him.

OP posts:
Nailitorelse · 27/03/2011 15:23

YANBU. Same problem with my parents and in laws.
Inconsistent treatment. Nip it in the bud now by telling them how important you feel it is to be consistent with your kids, or tell them all to sod off.
It will save you years of heartache!
My 3 kids are all grown up now. We did not tell parents or inlaws, and have finally fallen out over it after all of these years of trying to ignore it, when MIL completely ignored middle daughter at Xmas. The tears we had. I wish we had told the lot of them to sod off years ago!!

Nailitorelse · 27/03/2011 15:24

Meant to say......We no longer talk now, but its a hell of a relief!!

Original poster
CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 15:25

My sister has a 1yr old and my step brother has a 7month old - but they dont see him often as they live in Newcastle.

She looks after DN more than my kids mainly cos sis works on an afternoon at a school cleaning so has him from 2pm to 6.15pm 4 days a week.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 15:25

no FIL hasnt been inn touch and DH texted him at midday last sunday - on ds2 birthday.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 15:27

MILs only grandkids.

FIL has 4 other step grandsons and 1 step granddaughter who they see pretty much daily, take on foreign holiday and holidays in the uk.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 27/03/2011 15:28

Aww love it's not nice feeling like that. Your poor ds2.

I think you should say something. Favouritism in any form is not acceptable and is likely to get more noticable as they get older.

Your mum is way out of order for the ugly comment.

Original poster
CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 15:28

Also must point out DS2 is potty training, he wont poo in the toilet only in the nappy.

My mum says that 'he should be fully toilet trained now'
My dad took them on holiday the other week for a weekend and when he came home Stepmum said 'DS2 is a horrible child pooing in his pants or nappy as soon as its on' which upset me.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 15:30

ENormaSnob
She cant remember saying it and i didnt say anything at the time because i was still drugged up, DH didnt hear her say it.

My grandad use to favour me over my sister and my mum didnt like it one bit but she cant see she is doing what my grandad did to me, leaving out my sister.

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 27/03/2011 15:31

YANBU - it is horrible when children are treated differently - but I think you might have to get used to it for whatever reason. First children are often more favoured and sometimes people can use the "oh but he's older than X" excuse for giving more/better presents.

It is unkind, though, whether thoughtlessly or deliberately.

Original poster
CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 15:38

i just hate it, as DS2 is getting to realise DS1 is favoured, everytime mum comes or MIL DS1 is favoured, cuddled, DS2 is pushed away :(

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 15:38

MIL only seen DS2 three times in his life as she live isle of skye.

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 27/03/2011 15:39

aww, that's so unfair. No wonder he plays up more for them then - he must feel the difference. I can never get over people thinking that children are too young to notice these things - they might be when they're real babies, but toddlers do notice.

4FoxAche · 27/03/2011 15:40

Do you think it's eldest grandchild syndrome (do we have an acronym for that?)

When ds1 Was born,he got cards and presents galore. I thought "oh this is nice, I can put the cards in a little box for him to look at when he's older". Same with his first birthday and first Christmas. When ds2 was born, he got.... Nothing, not even a card. He hasn't had his first birthday yet so we'll see then. But even now from my mum it's "oh ds1 this and ds1 that" and it's like ds2 doesn't exist almost.

I know she loves them both and she loves seeing both of them so that's all that matters to me really. I do sometimes wish ds2 wasn't just an after thought sometimes.

I'm sure your ds enjoyed his birthday though but definitely know how you feel.

Original poster
CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 15:41

My mum said it once,

'oh hes too young to notice Angry no he isnt cos he stands at the window crying and waving and shouting DS1. she doesnt think he does. :(

OP posts:
worraliberty · 27/03/2011 15:42

You don't have it that bad if your son's being taken on holiday though do you?

Also (and flame me if you will) I really would NOT want to be changing a crappy nappy when the child is 3yrs old...though I do understand they do things at their own pace.

Original poster
CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 15:42

yes he enjoyed his birthday and hasnt missed the presents from FIL. Suppose next time we go round or they come here, we will guilt trip them about them ''missing'' his birthday

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 15:44

Worral
They went to skegness for 3 days with the £9.50 tickets from the sun with my dad.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 27/03/2011 15:45

I think that's fantastic!

What does the price have to do with it? Confused

Original poster
CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 15:45

worral
so are you saying 3yr old is too late for a child in nappies - cos in other threads hes normally too young to grasp potty training so people have said.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 15:46

im just saying it wasnt a luxurious holiday they went on, they both camre back full of cold having staying in a freezing cold caravan at the beginning of march

OP posts:
worraliberty · 27/03/2011 15:52

So what? Kids don't need luxurious holidays especially at that age!!

Some of my fondest memories are of being in a caravan by the sea as a child.

I think it was lovely of them to take your children for a 3 day holiday...a lot of parents would give their right arm for that.