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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To pretend I'm sick so I don't have to go to my best friends birthday?

36 replies

JustaNickname · 27/03/2011 14:56

I know it sounds really bad but I'm skint :( My birthday was in November and I have a close group of 5 friends (including me) One of them didn't come and only one of them even bothered to get me a card let alone a present. I felt hurt as I had made the effort to go to all there birthdays and bought them all quite nice presents (wasn't so cash strapped then) and when it came to mine no one gave a crap. Anyways its my closest friends birthday this friday and she's organized a big night out involving quite a but of expense. I can't afford to go and get her a present this week as its my ds's 4th birthday on saturday and obviously any money I have will be spent on his day out/presents. I honestly can't just tell her the truth as she wouldn't understand because in out group everone has different versions on skint. When I say I'm broke I mean completely and utterly broke or that the money I do have is for bills etc. When my friends say there broke they mean they have about ?50. Anyways so with all this going on would it be really U to pretend I have a bug and not go but make it up to her in a few weeks when I'm back on my feet?

OP posts:

pigletmania · 27/03/2011 19:02

Look OP these friends dont sound like their are very good friends tbh, more like fairweather friends who would scarper at the sign of a crisis. I only have a few friends, and these are lovely friends who would do anything for you and not expect anything in return (not hinting at the present giving btw as thats superficial), they would be there whenever I needed them, and me to them that is what good friends do. You are only 21, still very young, but as you get older you will realise this and choose your friends carefully. Tbh I would just say that you cannot afford it but, would she like to come round for pizza/takeaway or dinner and a bottle of vino at a later date.

pigletmania · 27/03/2011 19:04

As they did not bother about your 21st I would not worry about letting her down, and if the others give you a hard time over it, they are not very good friends at all and I would pick new ones.

thinkingkindly · 27/03/2011 19:17

I would say I couldn't afford it too, but if you think she won't get it just lie. I told a really good friend that I couldn't manage her child's birthday lunch (which involved paying for our family of five to have a restaurant meal). She then offered to pay, but said DCs could share a lunch etc so that it wouldn't cost much. We ended up having about five different conversations about it because she really really wanted me to come. I found the whole thing totally humiliating. Really really wished I had just made my excuses!

Original poster

JustaNickname · 27/03/2011 19:43

I think I've made them out to sound really horrible now and there not bad people they just don't really think sometimes and maybe I'm far to sensitive I don't know because these things don't seem to bother them. Just they seem to think that because I'm young I should want to be out all the time and not want to be stuck in with a 3 (nearly 4) year old but its just the opposite. I like going out now and again but I love my ds and love spending time with him and I'd much rather take him out or buy him a present then spend all my money on drink and clubs.

I think i can get away with the lie, I'll be out with my ds on saturday for his birthday but not anywhere local. I really wish I felt confident enough to tell them the truth. It doesn't help matters that I was at a concert last week (Kylie Minogue) I got the tickets for my birthday from a family member. They'll probably think now that I spent all my money there rather then be thoughtful and save it for my friends birthday.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 27/03/2011 19:53

If you're worrying so much about what they think of you, what enjoyment are you even getting from their friendship?

It sounds to me that now you're a parent you understandably have different priorities, and you might have to come to terms with the fact that you're drifting apart.

MaureenMLove · 27/03/2011 19:57

Are they likely to ask where you are on Saturday though? You'll need to be very careful with your sudden illness, if you are better again on Saturday....

I do understand what you're saying about wanting to lie a bit, but it sounds like you don't want to hurt their feelings and in doing so, you're not putting yourself first.

Re: the concert tickets, it's really none of their business how you got them and you should never have to justify yourself to friends. Sorry, but any half decent friend, would understand and not judge.

Kitsichick · 27/03/2011 20:08

I think you should tell the truth about why you can't go but you can easily make her a present: do a card with 'vouchers' in it perhaps- maybe 21 of them...one for a manicure, one for doing some ironing, one for washing up, one for bringing breakfast round....a lift into town... you don't have to spend money. Be imaginiative, That's what DH and I do when broke- and its fun!

thinkingkindly · 27/03/2011 20:21

Just make sure that you don't say anything on facebook that makes it clear you were fibbing! A friend cancelled meeting me because she and her DS were ill, and then put on facebook that she had had a great time at the cinema.

marmaladetwatkins · 27/03/2011 20:24

Your friends sound like selfish wenches. YANBU. Fuck 'em up the arse.

Original poster

JustaNickname · 27/03/2011 21:33

ilovesooty TBH I think I might have to accept that maybe we are drifting apart. When I was 17 and had just had my ds I could understand them not really being able to understand my situation but after 4 years surely common sense would have kicked in by now. I love them all to bits and there all wonderful people on there own way but we do have different priorities now.

MaureenMLove Your right I shouldn't have to justify myself. I think its just become habit.

Kitsichick thats a lovely idea! Such a personal and thoughtful present :)

Thinkingkindly the amount of times I've caught people out on facebook is un real. I'll be sure to stay clear on it if it does come down to telling them I'm ill.

marmaladetwatkins :o

OP posts:

pigletmania · 27/03/2011 22:09

Yes I agree you are on different levels now you are a parent, they are still in their young, free single student mode and you are not. This happens, you will soon find other more lovlier friends as you go through life. Just be honest and say that you cannot afford it, the number of times I have said that to friends or because I dont drive, and they live a while away, use that instead.

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