Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU to think less of a friend.

38 replies

candidcandy · 27/03/2011 11:43

My friend informed me today that she is going abroad next week.
She is travelling alone to the Greek islands leaving DH behind because he apparently "has no interest".
Then she confided to me that if given the chance she would pursue an holiday affair with one of the young handsome men that frequent the islands.

To say i am shocked is an understatement. For once i was lost for words.
I want to warn her DH but how can I ?

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 27/03/2011 11:45

Tell her she has been watching Shirley Valentine too many times.

FabbyChic · 27/03/2011 11:46

Buy her some condoms for the trip.

compo · 27/03/2011 11:49

Stay out of it
she'll probably not do anything so you could stir up trouble for nothing

IWantAnotherBaby · 27/03/2011 11:58

YANBU to think less of her.
But to warn her DH, when she hasn't actually done anything yet would be to stir up trouble unnecessarily, and won't make you any friends.
And really, it's no more than a fantasy idea so far... so she hasn't done anything wrong.

Geocentric · 27/03/2011 12:02

She'll probably spend the whole holiday missing her DH instead of picking up "young handsome men"...

And maybe when she gets back they'll actually talk about what seems to be going wrong in their relationship. A bit of distance can sometimes help a relationship - puts things in perspective etc.

ENormaSnob · 27/03/2011 12:04

Tell her to pack jeans and jumper.

ModreB · 27/03/2011 12:06

Perhaps her DH knows that she may pursue another man, and has given her permisssion to do so?

NorthernGobshite · 27/03/2011 12:20

Surely its her choice and their business?
Just tell her to use condoms.

Vallhala · 27/03/2011 12:26

What NorthernGobshite said.

What business is it of yours what another grown woman does?

It could be argued that she wouldn't be unreasonable to think less of you as a friend for judging her and for contemplating discussing what she has said with her DH.

beesimo · 27/03/2011 12:39

OP listen to Valhala, I would always take her advice on any extra marital goings on she is very up on the subject.

Vallhala · 27/03/2011 13:01

beesimo are you aware that it's considered very bad form to follow someone from one thread to a completely different one and attempt to start up an argument on the new thread with that person?

I wouldn't rise to your comments on the previous thread and I'm not doing it now. You're behaving like a stalker.

darleneconnor · 27/03/2011 13:04

you dont sound like much of a friend tbh.

why not offer her a listening ear re:her relationship, it sounds like that's what she needs, not judgement from you.

meditrina · 27/03/2011 13:21

YANBU - up to a point.

The expectation (hope?) of fidelity in marriage is mainstream. Some people opt for other arrangements. It's not surprising you feel differently about your friend as you have become aware that she is moving from one situation to another. And it's up to you to weigh all factors, as people's lives change, in thinking about whether your friendship changes.

It would however BVU for you raise this with her husband now. She's not actually done anything (or not yet, at least), other than make a vague statement, which may never be translated into action. Her fidelity or otherwise is her business, as is the wider state of her marriage.

CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 13:23

She cant think much of her DH if she is going on holiday without him, if he isnt interested in that why haven't they changed the destination to something they both want to do, place they both want to go.

Bottleofbeer · 27/03/2011 13:23

Wow, snitchy pants much?

satanrejectedmysoul · 27/03/2011 13:25

She is probably resentful her dh won't take an interest in her holiday. You can't grass her up for something she hasn't done.

TastesLikePanda · 27/03/2011 13:26

CLS - I have been on holiday without my DH because he doesn't enjoy going away and I do. Why should we both be miserable?
I didn't go away with the intention of bonking other men, I just wanted to sightsee and shop.
And I'm doing it again in 8 weeks time!

BlooferLady · 27/03/2011 13:28

Mind your own damn business. Not only was this almost certainly a flippant and wistful comment, if she does experience a day or so of indulgent something-or-other it'll likely have little impact on her relationship. You don't know whether she's lonely, unfulfilled, feels unwanted, hasn't felt appreciated or wanted for years. There could be everything and nothing going on.

Bogeyface · 27/03/2011 13:31

She may well have said in a jokey way knowing full well that she actually wont. And perhaps she has said it to her DH to provoke him into some sort of reaction, his disinterest may well be about more than just this holiday. Perhaps she is trying a bit of shock treatment.

Keep out of it, it isnt any of your business, and keep your judgey pants in their drawer for the moment. Atleast until she comes back anyway!

Ephiny · 27/03/2011 13:32

I've been on holiday without my DP several times, and he's been away without me as well. And I think very highly of him, and as far as I know he feels the same about me!

Of course we do go on some of our holidays together, but if you have different interests there's no point dragging your partner along when they'll just be bored. And however much you love each other sometimes it's nice to have a bit of space and do your own thing.

As for the 'holiday affair' I think that's between the friend and her DH, for all you know they might have an open relationship and he's perfectly fine with it. Not really anyone else's business. And it may be just a fantasy (we all have those surely) that she'd never actually go through with.

Fresh2death · 27/03/2011 13:33

Sounds like your friends with a slag

yama · 27/03/2011 13:34

That was my thinking Bogeyface. The "has no interest" could refer do deeper issues.

Bogeyface · 27/03/2011 13:36

Well there's an informed opinion Fresh2death, how long did it take you to come up with those words of wisdom?

Bogeyface · 27/03/2011 13:37

oh and its "you're", just for the record.

Bet Dear Deidre's shitting herself!

Nanny0gg · 27/03/2011 13:37

What would be said if it was her DH confiding those thoughts?

Flip

1 2