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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask DP to sleep on sofa for the next month or so.

44 replies

HipHopopotomus · 27/03/2011 11:37

I'm 8 months PG. Lots of sleep issues over last few months due to night athsma, acid reflux, acid reflux cough and now pelvic pain.

I'm usually a heavy sleeper with no sleep issues but I wake all through the night now (have done for months), and DP snores or at best breathes very heavily & snuffly & I can't get back to sleep. He also takes up loads of space, is really hot, keeps throwing limbs over me (really painful for me) etc. The he has the gaul to complain about not getting enough sleep since I've had these issues!! He swears he's awake all night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When he's not in the bed I sleep much much MUCH better.

He complains about lack of sleep (which makes me really annoyed), he complains about sleeping on the sofa, but it is actually a very comfortable sofa bed if you fold it out (with 7 inch inner sprung mattress) but he too lazy (or whatever) to fold it out every night & make a bed up - it take 2 minutes. I'm happy to sleep there myself but that would mean DP going to be early most nights. Of course a few early nights would cure HIS constant tiredness, but let's not go there Angry.

I'm getting to the end of my tether - 2 weeks of work left and it's handover for maternity leave so it's going to be really full on & stressful.

The way I see it we have a perfectly good solution so we can both get a proper nights sleep - if he chooses not to set up sofa bed properly and just sleep on sofa and get "Bad back" and not sleep properly that's entirely his fault and within his power to correct.

So why do I feel so guilty about this????? Andy why is he being such a fucking martyr about this? Not my usual style at all - maybe it's the sleep deprivation?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 27/03/2011 11:38

Do you not have a spare room with space for a blow up mattress?

Original poster
HipHopopotomus · 27/03/2011 11:40

no - one bed flat. Sofa bed 20 times more comfy than blow up mattress.

OP posts:
BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 27/03/2011 11:43

Men - don't they get on your nerves Grin. Show him this thread. It might dawn on him how lazy and selfish he's being if he sees it all written down.

PrincessConsuelaBananaHamok · 27/03/2011 11:44

if he is snoring and is overweight then he ought to go to the GP; these 2 can indicate health issues

compo · 27/03/2011 11:46

Well I think yabu really
he lives there too and soon you'll both be up all night with the baby!

Original poster
HipHopopotomus · 27/03/2011 11:48

Indeed - probably wrong column for this as I'm pretty sure I am NBU - but just needed a moan. Not coping well with the sleep deprivation - performance at work has been so badly affected I was in the office at 9am this Sunday morning (that's 8am before the clocks went forward) !!!!!!!!! He will have sat DD in front of Cbeebies with a bowl of cereal and will still be (not) sleeping on the sofa when I get home at midday!!!

To be fair he's pretty hands on parent & around the house & not lazy most of the time - though he would sleep to midday every single day if he could and it bugs the hell out of me.

OP posts:
Original poster
HipHopopotomus · 27/03/2011 11:48

he's not overweight

OP posts:
redexpat · 27/03/2011 11:49

YANBU. But thinking further ahead, are any of these issues going to change when two become three?

squeakytoy · 27/03/2011 11:49

Wow, its going to be a bit of a squeeze in a one bed flat isnt it! Confused

Original poster
HipHopopotomus · 27/03/2011 11:49

OK Compo, so would I be U to sleep on the sofa bed myself and make him go to bed by 9/10 every night? I'm happy to go with that option too?

OP posts:
Olessaty · 27/03/2011 11:52

We did this towards the end of my pregnancy, it started as when he had drank because the smell made me feel ill and it made the snoring and his sleep apnea ten times worse and I couldn't sleep. Eventually it ended up as all the time. We also didn't really share a bed much for a month and a half after DS was born. We took it in turns sleeping on the sofa downstairs with him in a moses basket.

Original poster
HipHopopotomus · 27/03/2011 11:53

we have one DD already so 3 will become 4. I have no probs with getting up in the night etc with baby neither does DP. I'll be on maternity leave - that's what it's for. It's mainly the effect of the PG on my body that is causing me these sleep difficulties and fingers crossed most if not all of them shall be gone when the baby arrives.

We've chosen to stay where we are living for the summer - I love the area and would rather be around friends & all the local parks etc for my maternity leave (not to mention DD's fab nursery) than move out to the suburbs and be isolated - for now it's OK.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 27/03/2011 11:53

I can't decide if I think YABU or not....because as much sympathy as I have for you, I also have some for DH. Doesn't sound fun either way!

I echo squeaky on the space issue!

ChaoticAngelofDenial · 27/03/2011 11:56

"he lives there too and soon you'll both be up all night with the baby!"

All the more reason to get some sleep now I would've thought.

OP YANBU but I would go with your second option if you're willing. That way he might get enough sleep to stop feeling tired too :)

Original poster
HipHopopotomus · 27/03/2011 11:56

well we aren't living it a one bed flat because it's the "perfect" place for us believe me! But that is a whole other story/thread. At the moment it's where we are at.

OP posts:
Original poster
HipHopopotomus · 27/03/2011 11:57

chaotic I'll suggest we give that a go this week. (bet he won't want to go to bed that 'early' though) :)

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 27/03/2011 11:58

I would sleep on there yourself then. Is there a tv in the bedroom that he can watch?

AgentZigzag · 27/03/2011 12:00

He obviously doesn't understand that when you say you're uncomfortable and not sleeping at night because you're pregnant, it's more than just words.

It is easy for other people to shrug it off because it's not happening.

But if you know he doesn't want to sleep on the sofa bed, you're getting into the realms of forcing him to do it if you keep on at him.

It's then coming down to him saying he can't sleep on the sofa against you saying you can't sleep when he's in bed.

Could you do alternate nights?

Or some other compromise where you both get a good nights sleep at least once in a while.

NorthernGobshite · 27/03/2011 12:06

Buy him an air bed to put on living room floor?

Original poster
HipHopopotomus · 27/03/2011 12:13

no TV in bedroom & DD sleeps in there too.

no where to keep an airbed (we are 3 living in small one bed flat) and anyway sofa bed is loads more comfy than an airbed. If he can't be arsed folding out sofabed he's hardly going to blow up an airbed every night (actually we do have one somewhere from camping/festivals but goodness knows where).

I should add it's not just me he wakes up - when he sleeps in living room DD sleeps right through. When he's in the bedroom she wakes in the wee hours and gets in with us too - not helping the matter at all, though she doesn't snore Grin or otherwise affect my sleep.

OP posts:
Original poster
HipHopopotomus · 27/03/2011 12:17

right off home now (I've been in the office this morning preparing for maternity leave handover) - who wants a bet I'll find him sleeping very soundly on the sofa when I get in :)? When he tells me he doesn't sleep or snore I have recorded him on my phone as evidence of both - I mean you don't snore unless you are asleep do you????

OP posts:
NorthernGobshite · 27/03/2011 12:17

I think YANBU to ask him to sleep on the sofa then but perhaps not every night?

Also, where are you going to put this new baby when it arrives?!

Original poster
HipHopopotomus · 27/03/2011 12:22

baby will have a baby hammock hung from the ceiling at side of bed (or a moses basket at end of the bed if I can't get the correct fitting for concrete ceiling).

If I have to get a builder in for the ceiling fitting they can put one in the living room ceiling too so we have the option of sleeping in there with baby too. Once baby is a little bit bigger we will cosleep as we did with DD (best option for BF/working Mum).

OP posts:
NorthernGobshite · 27/03/2011 12:24

Okay, sounds interesting. I assume you can't afford to move, or do you not want to? Sounds like your place will be quite crowded soon!

Bogeyface · 27/03/2011 12:28

As 32 weeker who also has acid reflux and v v painful SPD I dont think YABU at all! It is only for a month and if he cant step up to help you now then it is a pretty poor show.

I wouldnt ask, I would tell. "We have to sleep apart til the baby comes, for both our sakes. So do you want to sleep on the sofa bed or shall I?"

Non negotiable imo, you are doing all the hard work and you are not exactly asking for much!