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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask DP to sleep on sofa for the next month or so.

44 replies

HipHopopotomus · 27/03/2011 11:37

I'm 8 months PG. Lots of sleep issues over last few months due to night athsma, acid reflux, acid reflux cough and now pelvic pain.

I'm usually a heavy sleeper with no sleep issues but I wake all through the night now (have done for months), and DP snores or at best breathes very heavily & snuffly & I can't get back to sleep. He also takes up loads of space, is really hot, keeps throwing limbs over me (really painful for me) etc. The he has the gaul to complain about not getting enough sleep since I've had these issues!! He swears he's awake all night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When he's not in the bed I sleep much much MUCH better.

He complains about lack of sleep (which makes me really annoyed), he complains about sleeping on the sofa, but it is actually a very comfortable sofa bed if you fold it out (with 7 inch inner sprung mattress) but he too lazy (or whatever) to fold it out every night & make a bed up - it take 2 minutes. I'm happy to sleep there myself but that would mean DP going to be early most nights. Of course a few early nights would cure HIS constant tiredness, but let's not go there .

I'm getting to the end of my tether - 2 weeks of work left and it's handover for maternity leave so it's going to be really full on & stressful.

The way I see it we have a perfectly good solution so we can both get a proper nights sleep - if he chooses not to set up sofa bed properly and just sleep on sofa and get "Bad back" and not sleep properly that's entirely his fault and within his power to correct.

So why do I feel so guilty about this????? Andy why is he being such a fucking martyr about this? Not my usual style at all - maybe it's the sleep deprivation?

OP posts:

ledkr · 27/03/2011 12:41

bogeyface ouch-my sympathy,dd is 7wks and im still enjoying being able to turn over in bed.
OP i dont think its ur,i think we carry the babies its the job of the dad to make things as easy as possible.Will he be more accomodating when baby comes?My dh spent last night on sofa to give me some rest from night feeds and i feel fab,why shouldnt he? tsk tsk these men have been molly coddled me thinks

Rosedee · 27/03/2011 12:41

Yanbu. Dp was in spare room a lot toward the end of my pregnancy! You need as much rest as poss. If you're happy to go on sofabed yourself then id go with that option.

ledkr · 27/03/2011 12:42

on sofa with the baby in pram obviously

NinkyNonker · 27/03/2011 12:43

YANBU. If we were in your boat I wouldn't have to ask DH, I'm amazed people think YABU. Especially as it is a proper sofa bed, not just a sofa.

Ephiny · 27/03/2011 12:49

YANBU, DP would offer to sleep elsewhere if he thought he was disturbing me. we often sleep in separate beds anyway as it's easier to get a proper night's sleep that way, and even more so if one person is having difficulty sleeping or feeling unwell.

fuzzywuzzy · 27/03/2011 12:50

I don't think YABU either.

Give him a choice, sofa or bed and you take the other option.

Bogeyface · 27/03/2011 13:27

I asked DH what he would do if I asked him to sleep elsewhere and (rather peevishly) reminded me that he has slept downstairs without being asked a couple of times recently when I was having a particularly bad time.

So there you go, not U at all from another pregnant husband, and cue lots of apologies from me for not remembering :o

CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 13:34

Must be a big one bed flat.

When i was pregnant with DS1 we lived in a one bed flat and there wasnt enough room for us in there, even less so when DS came along, cot in bedroom aswell as a double bed, drawers, wardrobes etc etc

Gemsy83 · 27/03/2011 13:37

Why would people have two kids whilst living in a one bed flat? (realises I will get a ton of 'people dont always plan things like this you know- how judgemental' type responses but really, the mind boggles)

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 27/03/2011 13:41

Tell him that until the baby comes, you need to sleep on your own to actually get some sleep.

I would give him the option of either sleeping on the sofa bed or going to be early so you can - he can read if he's not tired.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 27/03/2011 13:42

Bloody hell you lot - she wasn't asking for housing advice! It makes no difference if she's asking him to sleep on the sofa bed in the lounge or in the spare room.

I really hate this picking over someone else's life when it has nothing to do with their OP - it's nasty and uncalled for.

NorthernGobshite · 27/03/2011 16:11

chippingin its neither nasty or uncalled for? Nosy maybe. No one has said anything nasty.

Ephiny · 27/03/2011 16:22

It's a bit unhelpful though as she already has the first child and is 8 months pg with the second, it's not as though she can go back in time and not have them...

bemybebe · 27/03/2011 16:22

YANBU, but I would be giving him an option, whether he goes on sofabed (no conditions) or on proper bed with conditions attached. I think it will also be fairer since it is your problem. (If he was a gentleman, he would have probably already given you your bed space, but than he does not sound like one.)

E320 · 27/03/2011 17:08

Trying to suggest a compromise.
Can you make up the sofabed once your DD has gone to bed, both watch tv or whatever from the sofabed and then one of you decamps to the bedroom for sleep?
Sympathies on the snoring, my H used to snore very loudly. It did end up sometimes with us sleeping in separate rooms.

compo · 27/03/2011 17:16

The problem is that you'll get used to him on the sofa, and when the baby comes you'll say his snoring his affecting the baby's sleep and he'll
stay on the sofa for another 6 months
I know , I've been there
in dc1 's baby photos in the lounge there is always a duvet in the corner of them from the night before

Original poster

HipHopopotomus · 27/03/2011 19:32

Not bothered re after baby comes. He's very hands on in the night anyway. Think he prob feels a bit lonely on sofa - he has spent a few nights there already. I'll just be more insistent and make plans each night re who is sleeping where. He's not s really bad snorer - just I'm more sensitive what with all the pg issues I'm having this time around so it's bad enoughto make a big difference.

Thanks everyone (and no not looking for housing advice cheers. Very aware of our situation thanks)

OP posts:

NinkyNonker · 27/03/2011 19:34

Gemsy

jenga079 · 27/03/2011 20:02

YANBU. Just explain it how you've explained it here. You'll probably both get more sleep and both feel better for it. Just make sure you take him a cup of tea in the morning or join him on the sofa for a cuddle

FWIW, I'm only 22 weeks but DP and I have spent several nights apart over the last few months. We've agreed that if we're disturbing each other one of us will go to the spare room. I'm not worried about any long term effects, just that we get some sleep now!

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