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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think the school were asking for trouble with this report card.

57 replies

mamateur · 27/03/2011 11:21

Our 13 yo was put on report last week for skipping a class. I first saw the report card on Monday evening, the teacher writes in a grade from 1-5 and initials it, for each lesson. I immediately thought, hey this is a good opportunity to encourage him to work at school. We looked at the scores he'd got and worked out a number of points which, if he achieved them, would earn him a small reward at the end of the week. I made it very small (prisoner's wages!) so as not to overly reward a punishment from the school. THe second day he got good scores and they got better still on Wednesday. THen on THursday I had a call from his English teacher reporting an incident in class (he swore). Yet, when I looked at his scores that evening (he was waving them in my face, saying how great they were, imagine my surprise when this teacher had given him a rather funny looking 5. More like a 1 with a squiggle under it really. He admitted it (when i told him I'd spoken to the teacher) but said it was the only one. I made him change it back and let him carry on for the rest of the week. He swore blind it was the only one but on Friday we all looked at it together and I can see about 3 certain changes and several other suspicious ones.

I think the school would better design the report card in a format with checks against a 1-5 scale, which wouldn't be open to doctoring.

This is designed for non-model students, AIBU to think an inner city London school would be a bit more prepared? Or was I silly to put a reward on it. In my defence, we've only had him with us for 6 months.

OP posts:

ajandjjmum · 27/03/2011 11:24

Maybe the school should have a system whereby the staff record the marks they give, and the parent is given a complete (correct) copy at the end of the week.

Shame he spoilt it, because your idea seems really good.

Never easy is it!

squeakytoy · 27/03/2011 11:25

I would suggest it to the school. I confess its probably the sort of thing I would have "edited" when I was at school

bronze · 27/03/2011 11:25

We had similar ar my schoole except everyone had them. The difference was when it was all filled in and signed by the parent the head of house had to countersign them and they would check, so it wasn't worth cheating. all it would take would be that extra check surely

TidyDancer · 27/03/2011 11:27

I think the concept of the card, and your idea of a reward system were both good ideas, but I agree in the current format, it's easy for your DS to fiddle it. Perhaps make your suggestions to the school?

Violethill · 27/03/2011 11:27

I think it was unwise to attach a reward system to what is essentially a monitoring system to check that your 13 yr old is attending lessons and complying with school rules.

The school are assuming that most pupils won't doctor a report card, or that if they do, then it'll be really obvious - which it clearly was, at you knew the number had been changed.

Sounds like the school are on the ball - they have him on report and the English teacher even found time in her busy day to personally ring you so you knew there had been an incident that day

seriouslycantbebothered · 27/03/2011 11:27

aw at least you care enough to try .Of course he is going to try and change it cant they email you scores at end of the week

pinguwings · 27/03/2011 11:31

Let the school know your suggestion. It's not really their fault is it?

phooey · 27/03/2011 11:31

Eh?!?! Your son was naughty, is being punished by the school, you want to reward him and are pissed off with the school ?!

Omg, I hope you're not a parent of one of my students - your son's behaviour sounds appalling and will not improve until you support school sanctions.

Original poster

mamateur · 27/03/2011 11:36

Hmn, I think I have been a bit heavy on the rewards - but it's very hard to be given a 13 year old who's been spoiled rotten and expects the situation to continue. I just want him to have experience of good behaviour in the hope that it sticks.

Violethill, the reward was a subscription to a site, £6. I did explain it was a punishment but that it would be good to see he had managed to make a positive from a negative etc,

Seems he just took me for a mug.

We have had such battles with the school over their indifference and insensitivity to the situation that his English teacher and one other teacher call us with every tiny incident. Yet, in a recent meeting between DN a teacher and myself, she constantly referred to 'your mum' (meaning me). What does your mum think of having to come here with the baby first thing in the morning etc. etc. I had to tell her afterwards that DN doesn't have a mum, as copiously noted in his records, discussed in meetings etc. I came near to making a formal complaint about that one.

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Original poster

mamateur · 27/03/2011 11:37

phooey, we support the school fully and are in constant contact. I take DN's behaviour very seriously. He's not my son, I only got him 6 months ago.

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herbietea · 27/03/2011 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

miso · 27/03/2011 11:40

Yes of course mention it to the school, I expect they would like positive input from parents. The report card sounds like a good system but no-one can think of everything.

I don't really see why an "inner city school" should be more expected to assume it's pupils are likely to forge a report card - 'non-model' pupils in any school are likely to take the piss.

herbietea · 27/03/2011 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

phooey · 27/03/2011 11:42

Ok, sounds like the situation is more nuanced. Helps to have all the info in the OP...

Even so, schools work carefully to use both sanctions and rewards, so you shouldn't add your own systems on top. If you think a more reward- based system would work better for him, arrange a meeting with the head of year to discuss this. But report cards are there to prevent bad behaviour continuing unchallenged - trust the school and support them, do whatever you like at home but always support the school and his behaviour will improve.

Original poster

mamateur · 27/03/2011 11:42

Interesting replies. We have another week of report, so I have to decide what to do. I do appreciate that we shouldn't reward him for not misbehaving, when this should be expected. But the thing is, it isn't expected from him. He's not at all well-behaved or polite or any of the things we hope our children will be and he's been allowed to get away with it till now.

I've talked to him about losing our trust, and how you can't expect someone to believe you haven't lied about one thing, when you've admitted you lied about another. But if I make next week about 'earning back our trust' I'm not sure he'll be that bothered.

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Original poster

mamateur · 27/03/2011 11:45

Phooey, when we have a reward pending, I email the school. Ditto for punishments - we decide together with the school when the punishment ends, i.e. when he gets his computer access back. He knows we talk to the school about it. Sorry to miss stuff out the OP, it's just such a complicated situation every post would turn into a discussion about his background instead.

However, I don't trust the school, because I've found they don't follow through on their promises, and fail to fulfil even basic things like checking and signing his planner.

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Goblinchild · 27/03/2011 11:46

Teachers need a method of recording that's more tamper proof; stickers or an inkstamp, turquoise ink, email to you at the end of the week...something the student can't doctor.

phooey · 27/03/2011 11:46

Don't make next week about anything other than the school expecting him to behave, don't undermine them further by adding more things on top. Presumably there will be consequences in school if he doesn't do well on the report? I can promise you that if the school knew you were trying to add things on, they would be

Carrotsandcelery · 27/03/2011 11:46

I don't see the problem with a reward. The poor behaviour has passed and this was an opportunity to start afresh. A little motivation is not out of place.
I used to work in a secondary school and we had daily report cards for pupils who were finding things tricky. We wrote a comment at the end of the lesson though so that our praise (and otherwise) was specific. They may have been great for all but 5 mins of the lesson so the comment option let me recognise that.
That option might also be worth suggesting to the school, although I can see that if there are a lot of pupils using the system then it would be a problem for the teachers.
Good luck with your boy - it sounds like you are trying hard to get him back on the right foot.

Goblinchild · 27/03/2011 11:48

Oh, xpost. If the school aren't good at consistency then it makes everything so much harder for you.
He's 13 and smart, he will find every gap and crack there is.

CheekyLittleSox · 27/03/2011 11:49

Sorry i may have missed it but is he adopted or is he your nephew as you used DN a few times but never mentioned him being your nephew iykwim?

Original poster

mamateur · 27/03/2011 11:53

Cheeky his DP's nephew, DP's sister and her husband died when he was a baby. He is living with us as a member of the family since he got too much for MIL.

Phooey, you seem convinced the school would think we were undermining them. This is not the case. The school are very pleased we give him rewards and incentives and also that we are open with them about progress at home.

I don't have much faith in the school overall but there are two teachers who have really made a huge effort for us, which we really appreciate.

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Original poster

mamateur · 27/03/2011 11:54

Carrots exactly. A comment would be brilliant, and also make it harder to cheat.

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blueemerald · 27/03/2011 12:00

We have a similar system in the school I work at (the marks go from 1-10) and I work with two students who are often on report for one reason or another.

I often find the marks are meaningless (the teachers don't think before writing down a number or are intimidated into writing a higher mark than deserved) and the students change them if they get a number they don't like. Some teachers have filled them in in pencil!

I've tried to raise it with the school but it has had no effect i wish some of the parents would complain make a polite suggestion so the system becomes more meaningful for all involved.

Clytaemnestra · 27/03/2011 12:02

If no comment just get them to write the number as a word.
So "one", "two" not 1, 2 etc

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