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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Thinking this phrase is out of order?

44 replies

AuntiePickleBottom · 26/03/2011 00:54

ok, just been on a girls night out, i was with someone who used the phaze in the title.

aibu to think that the rape term should not be used like this

OP posts:

madhattershouse · 26/03/2011 00:56

No you ANBU! It's abhorrent!!

babylann · 26/03/2011 00:56

BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger · 26/03/2011 00:57

That's absolutely vile. YANBU.

Original poster

AuntiePickleBottom · 26/03/2011 00:58

babylann, i feel the same.

i have never been raped, and to me it an insult to anybody who have be throu the tramatic experince.

excuss the spelling mistakes

OP posts:

Triggles · 26/03/2011 00:58

Vile comment, but also inappropriate for thread title. Particularly offensive to rape victims and I would recommend you change it.

BitOfFun · 26/03/2011 00:58

They are clearly a crass twit lacking in any sense of social propreity (is that a word?). I doubt they actually mean it.

PaWithABra · 26/03/2011 00:59

context and situation.................

Original poster

AuntiePickleBottom · 26/03/2011 01:00

hope i do not offend

maybe i should have worded it better, but i feel sick to the stomach about this remark

OP posts:

madhattershouse · 26/03/2011 01:01

I had an " experience" but not full penetration....I don't find the title at fault, it's those that use it the way the op said!

andenuvathing · 26/03/2011 01:02

What BoF said

AgentZigzag · 26/03/2011 01:04

Was she young? Or old enough to know better?

Being young wouldn't excuse the remark, but it might explain why they didn't think it was significant.

Also, how pissed were they?

Not an excuse either, but sometimes you can say inappropriate things you wouldn't dream of sober.

Original poster

AuntiePickleBottom · 26/03/2011 01:07

to be fair, every one was drunk.

it just shocked me that someone would use the term rape so loosly

OP posts:

madhattershouse · 26/03/2011 01:08

Think many nasty phrases are used this way these days..not nice!

PaWithABra · 26/03/2011 01:10

football fans talk of their team having 'raped' another to indicate that they beat the opposition convincingly. There is debate about the suitability of the the word 'rape' in this context.

I suppose that the offensiveness of the word has as much to do with the way it is used as its actual meaning. Words can mean different things in different situations. I would never call a black man a 'nigger' but plenty of black pop stars use the "the N-word, like its a game."

To me , removed from the context of the quote, it make me feel very sorry for the girl saying it. It smacks of low self worth.

BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger · 26/03/2011 01:11

Well Lucky me , I guess.

A1980 · 26/03/2011 01:14

They were probably joking and it makes me wonder if the person who said it hasn't had sex for a long while.

But that doesn't excuse it. That's a wicked thing to say.

AgentZigzag · 26/03/2011 01:18

But then even if she was pissed it's not something that would even cross my mind to say if I were to be in the position of desparate for a shag.

No offence, but it wouldn't cross my mind because I'd be thinking it's offensive to people who have been raped, it would be because it'd be wrong to say it.

What's the person like generally, when she's sober?

ChaosTrulyReigns · 26/03/2011 01:20

SteviesWifeIsBack · 26/03/2011 02:22

I have a Canadian friend..who's best friend was brutally raped by a gang of four men when she was walking along a street in New York after a show..(she was a musician). Not only was she raped by them, but she was beaten to within an inch of her life and was in a coma for 28 days. She had to have reconstructive surgery on her face, and had to have several op's on her badly damaged vagina. After that she was never the same again..never trusted people, gave up her musical career and became a recluse. That was several years ago. She was due to get married last October, to her recently met fiance..It never happened..on that day she hung herself instead. Her fiance found her hanging from the rafters of her horses stables.

That's the tragic effects rape can have on someone..after the physical scars have long healed. So for someone to make light of something like that..or state they are "unlucky"! wtf? They are clearly having a sick laugh or are just plain mad.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 26/03/2011 07:27

That is disgusting No excuse, I wouldn't expect a even a dopey teenager to say something so stupid so age is no excuse.

PawithaBra I disagree. I have no problem with the evolution of the word and using it in other contexts, but that is not what this girl did. She wasn't joking about being violated in some way, she was actually referring to being raped.

hairfullofsnakes · 26/03/2011 07:33

Oh God stevieswife that poor poor woman. Those men I hope they were caught. If I hear anyone use those kind of terms I will call them up on it and tell them in no uncertain terms just how disgusting such comments are.

This new use of comments like these make me sick and make me ashamed of the women (or men) who use them. OP I hope you call the woman who said this up on it. Terrible.

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 26/03/2011 07:35

WTF?!

FreudianSlippery · 26/03/2011 07:55

God what a twat. What context did the girl say it in?

Stevieswife that has sent a chill through me. My best mate from college was raped and has really struggled. I think she's got her life back now, but they were really awful times, and I know she was contemplating suicide at times :(

I was sexually abused as a young child (age 3-5ish) and although I am to all intents and purposes 'over it', I do really hate it when people use such terms lightly. I think they joke about it because it's an uncomfortable subject.

MoonGirl1981 · 26/03/2011 08:09

I've heard men saying that a woman who hasn't had sex or being single for ages would quite like to be raped.

Bastards.

I was raped at 19 by a 'friend', have gotten over it and moved on but it still annoys the crap out of me when I hear people say stuff like this!

FourFortyFour · 26/03/2011 08:12

Anyone who said that would be dropped immediately from my friends.

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