In un-asking someone to be my bridesmaid?

[Hammy02]

A couple of years ago, my partner proposed, I said yes and I asked a good friend of mine to be bridesmaid. Since then, our finances have decreased greatly-by about a third. We have decided to have a v.small wedding. Due to watching costs, I don't really want a bridesmaid any more. It seems a bit OTT given the size of the wedding. Due to my friend living a couple of hundred miles away, we only see each other about 3 times a year. I have known her 30 years so she means alot to me. AIBU to let her know I don't want a bridesmaid anymore?

who's going to be the witness to the signing of the registry?

Would it really be OTT just to have one? Could she wear her own dress to save you money, but still have a small bouquet of flowers? or how would she feel about doing a reading instead? There are plenty of options other than 'un-asking' her IMO.

I was going to ask her to be my witness. I'm just aware it may come across as being mean to not make her my bridesmaid.

If she is a good friend and you explain it is just that the type of wedding has changed and you are cutting back a bit, I am sure she will understand.

I would be relieved understand

What is it you are concerned about? I don't see why her being a bridesmaid has to be a big deal, unless you were planning on buying some extortionately priced outfit for her.

I was the only 'bridesmaid' at a friend's wedding and wore my own outfit. It meant a lot to me to do it and I wasn't at all bothered by not having a bridesmaid's dress. Her young son was pageboy and we walked side by side behind her - it was lovely

I don't think having a bridesmaid needs to cost a lot or add much to the formality of a wedding. Unasking could be quite awkward

YANBU - she's still a part of your wedding.

Just make it clear at the beginning that it is not a big affair and keeping costs to minimum, therefore wear what she wants as a guest and be your witness.

A friend of mine (A) did this to a mutual friend (B). We (B and I) no longer speak to or see A. There was no big falling out, but in my opinion the fact that A 'unasked' B spoke volumes about the disposable nature of the friendship. B was hurt by that and I guess my friendship with A petered out at the same time (I have remained friends with B). So in choosing her actions A lost 2 friends not one.
Unless it is going to cause you serious financial hardship, I wouldn't unask your friend. If you explain your circs to her I am sure she'll be more than happy to choose a cheaper off the peg type dress, and you could save money by her not having a bouquet etc. Bridesmaid outfits do not cost much. Good friends are priceless.

I think YABU. My maid of honour provided her own dress - the one she wore at her brother's wedding - because we didn't have a lot of money, and I wasn't fussed what she wore!

I'd just explain that you're having a different kind of wedding than you first envisaged, so nothing as formal and traditional, and tell her why. And ask her to be your witness instead of bridesmaid per se. I'm sure she'll understand.

She may even be glad to ditch the formality and the silly dress.

I was a bridesmaid for my sister last weekend - I wore my own dress (one that I'd worn to a wedding the previous year), the whole thing was done on a shoestring but still had all the formalities.

Are you having any bridesmaids?
If not, and you are going to ask her to be your witness, I really don't think there's a problem.

Yanbu just tell her the truth and if she is a true friend she will understand

Just ask her to be your witness. It's basically the same thing minus the bad outfit. No problemo.

Ask her to be your best woman instead and read out a poem?

seriously mini mouse?
blimey
some people take the huff easily

i think it's a bit mean to "unask" her bearing in mind it doesn't really need to cost you anything to have her as a bridesmaid.

I don't think it's a problem at all. You're not unasking her because your friendship has changed, but changing her role because you're having a different kind of wedding. I can't see any rational person being hurt by this.

Why does being a bridesmaid have to equate to your friend spending loads of money? My sister in law was my sole bridesmaid. She wore her own dress and shoes, my DH bought her bouquet and I paid for her hair. We lied to the hairdresser too and told him we were wedding guests so we didn't have to fork out loadsamoney for the same styling. It was a gorgeous wedding and we were all happy. Why destroy a friendship by making stupid assumptions about how much money you have to spend for someone to be a bridesmaid?

Sorry - you're talking about your own wedding. Same.

I think it would be ok to ask her to be your witness.

Although I was bridesmaid to a friend of mine and it was only a registry office wedding. You could still call he rbridesmaid even if she does nothing more than sign the form.

I had two best friends of 20 years and had no "bridesmaids" at my wedding. One read a reading at the service, the other signed the register. Maybe your friend could do something like this and you could buy her a small gift in thanks.