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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give up my lovely clean bed to my smelly DH?!

31 replies

ImNotSweatyBetty · 25/03/2011 08:31

We have three children and I turfed DH out of our marital bed shortly after the birth of DC#3 to have the lovely big bed all to myself and to stop me killing him for snoring and sleeping while I was breastfeeding allow him to sleep soundly as I am a kind and loving person.

Trouble is I've become used to my lovely big bed staying lovely and big, and the sheets staying fresh and clean smelling. DH is a Night Sweater [yuck emoticon] and his pits stink too! Hmm :o Hmm Really not nice to wake up to that (though a good contraceptive!!) :o

For various reasons, he really should come back to our bed. AIBU in not wanting him to?!

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 25/03/2011 08:33

Ewww... can't he be more careful with hygeine and antiperspirant etc?

valiumredhead · 25/03/2011 08:34

Does he really get sweaty pit in bed?! Even after he showers?

puffylovett · 25/03/2011 08:35
Grin

YA definitely NBU

RamblingRosa · 25/03/2011 08:37

YANBU. I share your pain!

Original poster
ImNotSweatyBetty · 25/03/2011 08:43

Yes valium, he does :( and he claims he is careful lubey - I've even resorted to buying him his anti-perspirant to help Hmm. He sweats through his t-shirt Shock at night double yuck emoticon. He's lucky I love him in spite of this!

Poor you ramblingrosa. Maybe we can set up a stinky/sweaty bed widows club? :o

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 25/03/2011 08:44

Has he tried that deodorant that you paint on and leave it for 3 days? I saw it in BOOTS last time I was in there - can't remember the name.....

TheGrumpalo · 25/03/2011 08:49

YANBU, tell him he can get back in the bed when he sources something that doesn't make him sweat so much. There are things that you can get to help from the doctor if the stuff from boots doesn't work.

Original poster
ImNotSweatyBetty · 25/03/2011 09:01

I've told him to go to the doctor, but being a stinky, sweaty bloke, he's embarrassed and doesn't think it's That Much Of A Problem [WTF?? I beg to differ!!]

OP posts:
frantic51 · 25/03/2011 09:01

Personally, I don't think YABU but just wanted to say that a similar situation was the beginning of the end of my marriage!

Ex H had a similar personal hygiene problem and I used to ask that he showered before bed, otherwise I had to change the sheets every day. (Honestly, after a night in bed without showering first you could smell the bed from the hall with the bedroom door shut!)

He hated getting showered at night because he always awoke with "bad hair" and had to get showered in the morning to wash it and detested having two showers a day, he said it was "bad for his skin".

At the time, we had a house with a self contained "granny annexe" and so he took to sleeping in there whenever he couldn't be bothered to shower. He constantly said though that my attitude made him feel like a second class citizen and "dirty".

valiumredhead · 25/03/2011 09:03

Well it sounds like he WAS dirty frantic, you poor thing!

GreenEyesandHam · 25/03/2011 09:04

Oh my gosh at the tone of some of the responses. Yes it's a bit eww, but honestly- how would you feel if the situation was reversed?

This is not a dog being discussed here, it's a person, with feelings and rights. And presumably with joint ownership of said bed!

valiumredhead · 25/03/2011 09:07

If the situation were reversed greeneyes and dh asked me to shower before coming to bed as I smelled and had sweaty pits, you can be damn sure I would be in the shower so bloody quick, you wouldn't see me for dust! Shock Grin

thumbwitch · 25/03/2011 09:08

YANBU - I prefer sharing with my DS than my DH because DS doesn't smell, doesn't snore and fart like DH, and doesn't kick as much. Plus DH has a pillow-top mattress which he loves to bits but it doesn't love me at all - causes me back problems (I didn't know it would when we bought it!)
If I had the choice, we'd all have separate rooms (like we did in the UK) but we only have 2 bedrooms so it's either DS (double bed, decent mattress) or DH (kingsize bed, pillowtop mattress). On good nights, I leave DS sleeping in with DH and get the double all to myself - but never all night. As soon as DS stirs, DH brings him through to me.

Original poster
ImNotSweatyBetty · 25/03/2011 09:09

"Feelings and rights"?? Really? :o

Blush >feels slightly ashamed but still wishes her DH was not a sweaty betty

OP posts:
Skinit · 25/03/2011 09:10

I like my DHs smell. It's manly etc.

Maybe some men smell more icky than others. Sweat shouldn't smell if it's fresh though OP...yor DH needs to shower before bd.

valiumredhead · 25/03/2011 09:12

Yes sweat only smells when it's old - I just can't see how your dh can wake up ponging if he has had a thorough shower! He doesn't just stand under the shower head does he? Grin

frantic51 · 25/03/2011 09:12

GreenEyes Yes, I do see your point and in my case I tried to be as diplomatic as possible, but until you've had to sleep alongside someone with that level of BO (honestly, it was positively stomach churning - some nights I used to creep out of bed and go to the granny annexe until we came to the agreement about no shower/granny annexe) you really can't know! Sad

valiumredhead · 25/03/2011 09:15

I just can't get my head around a grown man going off to sleep in a spare room rather than have a shower! That is utter laziness and quite frankly revolting especially if his wife has asked him to.

JessicaDrew · 25/03/2011 09:16

perhaps you need a bigger house with an extra bedroom that could be the "adults play room"
then you could have the "obvious reasons" for wanting him back, and retire to your clean bed later
Grin

GreenEyesandHam · 25/03/2011 09:19

NO NO NO!

I'm not the defender of the dirty minging man here :o

It's horrid, and they should shower obviously.

I guess I meant how would this be taken if a man said he didn't know whether to 'let' his wife into their bed..

MissVerinder · 25/03/2011 09:19

Valiumredhead The antiperspirant you might be thinking of is Perspirex. It's brilliant. YAsooooooNBU

I'm the stinky one in our relationship. DP never smells, even if he doesn't shower every day. I would like to add, though that I shower at least once a day, and hop in the bath once DD has been in every night (water saving and all that).

valiumredhead · 25/03/2011 09:23

I imagine the responses would be the same greeneyes Grin

I can't imagine any bloke saying "Oh yeah, my wife is gorgeous but by 'eck she reeks a bit" more like "Jesus, you're not getting in this bed you dirty mare, go and have a shower!" Grin

AllDirections · 25/03/2011 09:24

When DD2 was born I wouldn't let my XH hold her unless he'd showered first after work. Maybe I WBU but a real BO smell on a newborn, NO WAY. Anyway he opted not to bother most of the time.

His bad personal hygiene was cited in the divorce!

I sweated excessively for a few weeks after having each of my DC so I had to shower 2 or 3 times a day. MY XH mentioned I was smelling not too good one time and I immediately cleaned up and changed.

There's no excuse for poor hygiene! YANBU

frantic51 · 25/03/2011 09:24

valiumredhead, neither can I. Gradually, over time, he spent more and more nights in the granny annexe and fewer in the marital bed until he was sleeping there full time. He still gave the fact that I wouldn't sleep with him as one of his reasons for divorce.

lesley33 · 25/03/2011 09:26

I had a boyfriend once who would smell a couple of hours after showering. Yucky - but honestly men can smell soon after having a shower.