Oh My God - we're all going to die!

[Catnao]

Just felt like this after reading the middle age thread. Are you scared? Cos I am.

I thought I was going to die of the cervical cancer, and I didn't. Yet. But the reason I got the bugger was through sex. Go figure!

I mean - sex is meant to be life giving! it nearly killed me!

I work in the care industry. For me it's seeing people who've had homes full of things they've collected over their lives come into nursing homeswith a few possessions.

I've seen people with litterally nothing to show for their lives. Nothing.

I'm not saying that life is about collecting knick knacks, it's just I wonder what happened to all their stuff?

When I die I won't exist. That freaks me out soooooooo much.

I imagine death itself will be just like passing out or going to sleep. Perhaps some struggle for breath? Don't know.

I also worry about leaving my children behind, but at the same time children are resilient and if they have lovely family to take care of them, they should be ok in the long run.

But yeah, that's one thing that worries me. The 'shit-I'm a mortal' thing I went through and made my peace with a while ago.

Death (or being dead) is incredibly hard for the human mind to understand....that's why we come up with all these life after death theories - because we just can't imagine not existing.

I try and think about what it would be like to not exist....and I just can't. There were thousands of years when humans existed and I didn't...I didn't feel sad that I didn't exist (obviously because I didn't exist) so I won't feel sad when I die...I just won't feel anything...nothingness....it almost breaks my brain to think about it ARGH

yes - that "this is going to kill" me part of it is pretty scary, though I found once I realised that I could do nothing more, and I couldn't breath I was really really calm. It was almost like an acceptance, when I started to lose conciousness it was so peaceful - when I came round again (and even now to this day) it felt almost surreal. ! I'll confess I'm a bit worried about what bugger is actually going to finish me off - but the actual dying bit, well if it's like that nearly was I'm cool with it.

Baroque.

The crap we have to deal with in life.

Oh, well, have a everyone. Carpe diem. Etc etc.

you still can be remmbered even if you die, if you do somthing for it, how many people died and we still rememder them, we have to leave somthing for the people to talk about or thank us for, than will excist

Well. I'm going to risk going to sleep now!

Would be interested to hear people's thoughts in the morning (God willing! )

atiat-I think most people are just fraked out by physically no longer being here iyswim

Night night. Bloody 1 am here. Arrgh.

thats way, winnybella, they have to understand it, and relax, i got children is well, and family, but this part of life

Catnao, I have experienced the death of family members when they were young and old. Seeing the pain of illness leading to death of the younger ones, and the relief of death for the older ones means that I am quite philosophical about death. What matters is how you feel about what you have done during life. How you feel about your life is more important than how you feel about death.

You say you worry about leaving your children behind. Will that be easier when you are 80 than 50?

It seems that at the moment you are torn. Cancer - surviving cancer. Genetic old age - genetic early death.

Death will come, what will matter is your life. How do you feel about life?

true dione, I'm 100 % with you.

Wise words, Diane.

Ok, I'm off to bed.

Dione, sorry

Very wise words, Dione. (I read this and don't know what I feel!) Surviving cancer with all reproductive organs in place felt like a victory. I don't know why. I am still going to die at some point.

this is where having faith and religion looks good (I don't believe in God or follow any religion) and I feel a bit jealous of those who truly believe in some kind of afterlife where they will meet their loved ones.

winny - I don't drink red .

Once of those weird pieces of shit that happens to some people. Think it was easier to deal with in my head after it happened because I knew why, and how it had happened. We still talk and get on ok though don't talk about the incident (not together any more -but actually it's not because of what happened - it's because he got better afterwards - thankfully! - and I discovered that he'd been ill the entire time we'd been back together and he was still actually the twit he had been that I'd separated from previously. (Mental illness is some weird business - made him the most wonderful, loving, attentive, kind person ..........and yet produced psychotic episodes one of which nearly finished me off - and him actuall)

I'll probably end up having some really boring uneventful death where I just die of old age or get it by a bus

We are but mere mortals

And now I shall hand round and and shut up with my near death story before I give you all nightmares

I think of death as like going to sleep and never waking up. Sometimes life is very difficult, so you would be safe from all the pain and worries, etc.

And I really enjoy sleeping so I'm OK with it! (That's what I tell myself, anyway). Everything dies, as Doctor Who says.

Catnao, it is a victory if you feel they will be of use in the future.

My Experience.

Aunt died when her children were young. She felt that she had done her best with the time she had to make her daughters strong. The pain was a burden on them all. She was right. Her daughters went on to have good lives.

Grandmother died in her 80s. She wanted to go. Her friends, peers, siblings had gone and she felt lonely, sore and tired and ready to go.

Others that were important to me died aged 9, 32, 63, 78 and unknown (she would rather have been tortured than have people know her age).

As long as I have been alive I have known death. I wonder what your experience of it was Catnao?

Right - must go to bed and waste some of my life sleeping! But to be honest, when I got the "all clear for now" thing - my honest thought was "Fuck you, cancer! Now I am going to get on with my life!"

With a little distance now, I'm not sure what I meant by that.

Maybe I just meant - "Not yet"?

Sleep is restorative, healing, educational, brilliant and necessary. A bit like pork belly, but pork belly isn't really educational.

Dying, being the one thing we can do nothing about, is not as scary as 'not living', in my opinion. Spending years in ill-health, or simply wasting time would be far worse than the final day. Death simply puts life into context - reminds us to appreciate today

It's natural to think about death occasionally but I would say that if it preoccupies your thoughts too much or interferes with your ability to live normally then that could be a sign of depression or other mental illness. It wouldn't be unheard of, for example, for those that have endured and survived serious illnesses to be suffering from a kind of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder.