to want my boyfriends sister to move out?

[crazychic141187]

Hi,

I live with my fiancée and his sister also lives with us for now - she has a 7 month old baby and has been 'looking' for a house for over a year now (strangely though only had the interview with the housing people in February).

I am due in June and I think it is reasonable that she should move out so that I can get the babies room ready (currently the one she is occupying).

On other sites people have told me that she has more rights to me in the house even though we need to start our own family and I want to be able to look after my own baby without her input all the time (like ooo just wait till your baby is up crying all the time, do you really think you'll take her upstairs all the time to change her? ha)

Its just beginning to annoy me and I wanted to see what other people's opinions are!

Well this is harsh but you chose to move in and have a baby in a house where you had no rights and someone else (who is a close family member whom your partner wouldn't just turf out) and their baby was living there. I can totally understand that you'd want her out so that you can prepare for baby and be your own little family unit there - but I think it is entirely upto your dp to ask her to move, or not.

How many bedrooms does the house have? Surely there must be at least three if this was your DH's family home and he lived there with his Mum and sister. If there at least three bedrooms I'm not sure that I see the problem.

I know it must be frustrating and you want the house to yourself but this is your DP's sister. My brother would act in exactly the same way if I was having similar difficulties. That is what family is for.

its a hard one, and any man that would make his sister homeless would not be ideal anyway! I cant see this resolving before baby is born to be honest. talk to him!!!!! but I'd imagine that deep down she knows she needs to move, and will, eventually......

I think some people have misunderstood the situation.

The OP's BF bought a house from his mum.
He and the OP planned to live there together as a couple.
His sister already lived there while it was the family home but had plans to move out and go to uni shortly after the sale was completed.
Sister then got pregnant and her plans changed.
Sister's new plans were to get a place of her own when her baby was 6m old.
This timescale has come and gone and sister is showing little interest or effort in moving.
No-one in the home seems to know what each other are thinking or expecting - the OP is trying to deal with this and is open to advice on how to handle that situation.
Sister has been used to her family taking care of her - and it sounds like she's happy for this to continue.
OP is pregnant, due in 3m, and has stated that the sister is occupying what would be the OP's baby's room, if the room were vacant.
OP posted here not to get advice on how to kick out the sister, but to get opinions on whether other people would also feel it was time the sister made good on her plans to move elsewhere.
As an aside, the sister is spoiling the OP's excitement about the OP's pg / first baby / first time living with her partner by making comments along the lines of the OP not having a clue what to expect and being unrealistic. Which may sometimes be the case but it's the OP's prerogative to think about how she and her partner would want to do things as a couple with their new baby, rather than copying whatever suits the sister and her baby.

It seems the OP is in a genuinely difficult position and wants some input on whether others would also feel uncomfortable about the situation and what can be done. As far as I've seen, she's said nothing unreasonable about "kicking the sister out".

Family is family, To think that a close relative would want another family member to leave when they have no other means of support and their life will be made more difficult to me is abhorrent.

The poor girl is a young mother and obviously will need support from those closest to her.
Often i wonder how our society has reached the point of self first, others maybe later.
Other societies have lived happily for centuries sharing housing with many family members. They continue to do so successfully.

Sharing is caring.

Familiarity also breeds contempt.

It might actually be in the interests of long-term family relationships if a more proactive approach is taken to support the sister in setting up independently. I like the suggestion on here that cash is scraped together to get a deposit on a privately rented flat so that the OP has baby prep and rest time before this baby arrives.

If things are bad all round now, they'll be a whole lot worse after the new baby arrives and the sense of overwhelm may be disastrous for her. Not to mention her relationship with her partner, he may be under a whole lot more pressure if this isn't sorted soon.

The sister has had a VERY long time to work out and work on her options, and family support to do so. She made promises, it's not like this has been sprung on her. I'm not saying people shouldn't support her, just that a planned move now is better than people falling out now, and at least one person (and maybe a very young child) moving out their belongings in haste in black sacks in a few months' time.

A stitch in time saves nine, etc.

I think the sister isn't exactly blameless in this situation.

Who gets pregnant at uni and then expects her brother and his partner to facilitate her life with a baby?

It's all very well feeling sorry for her but if you're going to saddle yourself with a child make sure you can stand on your on two feet!