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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want my boyfriends sister to move out?

57 replies

crazychic141187 · 24/03/2011 14:21

Hi,

I live with my fiancée and his sister also lives with us for now - she has a 7 month old baby and has been 'looking' for a house for over a year now (strangely though only had the interview with the housing people in February).

I am due in June and I think it is reasonable that she should move out so that I can get the babies room ready (currently the one she is occupying).

On other sites people have told me that she has more rights to me in the house even though we need to start our own family and I want to be able to look after my own baby without her input all the time (like ooo just wait till your baby is up crying all the time, do you really think you'll take her upstairs all the time to change her? ha)

Its just beginning to annoy me and I wanted to see what other people's opinions are!

OP posts:

Wamster · 25/03/2011 12:36

The only way a person has a say in a situation like this is if they are owner-or part owner- of property-marital status is irrelevant.

Original poster

crazychic141187 · 26/03/2011 14:10

So i found out that she is bidding on houses with i suppose is a good thing - whether or not anything will happen soon is another matter!

thanks for the support wamster you make it sound like its me that should move!

OP posts:

4FoxAche · 26/03/2011 14:15

Do you know what band she has been placed in on the bidding system?

Because living with you now, having a roof over her head etc sounds like she would be placed in the lowest band (E) and therefore it could still take years for them to offer her a place to live.

I understand your frustrations. Have you had a proper chat with your dp yet? What does he think is going to happen in say a years time when you want to put your baby in it's own room but can't because the sister is still living there?

brass · 26/03/2011 14:17

She is bidding as in to buy? Has she got some money behind her then?

brass · 26/03/2011 14:19

Sorry see it's different kind of bidding.

Ideally you want her out before your own baby comes along.

LOL If she's still there in a year's time I doubt very much you will be!

4FoxAche · 26/03/2011 14:22

No brass you could be right. I was just jumping to conclusions thinking it would be council bidding rather than buying bidding. If that makes any sense.

brass · 26/03/2011 14:33

either way it sounds like she's doing something about it.

ENormaSnob · 26/03/2011 14:37

If she is doing that council prperty bid thing then she is likely to still be there when ops new baby goes to high school.

Wamster · 26/03/2011 14:38

I just do not understand why you think you've some right to kick out another person when you do NOT own the property- if you owned the property, fair enough- I would agree with you that the right was yours. Absolutely agree.
I am just pointing out that, legally, you've not got a leg to stand on.
Anyway, I think it likely that she'll want to move out herself on her own accord -people often do when living with a couple- so I wouldn't worry too much about legal side of things.

ENormaSnob · 26/03/2011 14:42

Op has no right to kick the sister out but i'll bet the dp told her she was moving out.

Why else would she move in knowing it would be cramped.

lubeybooby · 26/03/2011 14:47

She isn't going to be in a very high priority band for housing. Your partner should agree with her to officially evict her to increase her housing priority or shes never going to get anywhere!

brass · 26/03/2011 14:52

To be fair she was looking for opinions - she never insisted that she had a legal right or otherwise.

And no one is saying 'kick her out' because she's family and she is young with a baby in tow.

BUT there was an understanding at the beginning of the arrangement that she would move out by the time the baby was 6 months and that hasn't happened.

OP was worried about where that would leave her and her baby due in June. I think the general consensus was help her gently settle into her own place with her LO.

It is in both their interests to stay on friendly terms for future support and companionship.

LionRock · 26/03/2011 14:59

Without meaning to sound negative - as I understand it your sister will be low priority for re-housing by a social landlord. She'd need to be made homeless for them to offer her anything soon, and a homeless offer doesn't have to be half-decent, it is just a roof over her head. As it stands, she likely can only bid for certain housing (limits on no. of rooms etc) and will have a low number of points (considered not to be currently overcrowded, no health issues e.g. 6 flights of stairs, no lift, she's in a wheelchair...) so yes, she could wait years for a bid to be accepted.

Another option might be to look into private lets, whether that's shared accomodation or a place of her own. From what you've said so far it sounds like she'd be on housing benefit, so she'd need to find a private landlord who is happy with a HB tenant. Other than knowing someone else that she can stay with, this may be the fastest way for her to get her own place.

Is she still planning to go to Uni? In that case, would she be studying locally?

LionRock · 26/03/2011 15:00

eek your partner's sister

brass · 26/03/2011 15:03

If their mother is looking to move out of her marital home because of relationship issues might that be an option?

Mother and daughter move in together?

OkayGrrl · 26/03/2011 15:14

Op are you pregnant or are planning a family? You don't have to answer this if it's too personal and you don't want to.

seriouslycantbebothered · 26/03/2011 15:56

I am due in June and I think it is reasonable that she should move out so that I can get the babies room ready (currently the one she is occupying).

fedupofnamechanging · 26/03/2011 16:10

Have you discussed this with your fiance?

If the two of you made an agreement about this before you moved in and you have given up your previous home in order to move in with him, then he owes it to you to get this sorted. You've been very quiet regarding his opinion and what he has promised both you and his sister wrt the living arrangements

beesimo · 26/03/2011 16:45

I would be very careful how you go on here OP, you have a good lad who is obviously wanting to care for and look after his sister. Have you ever thought that by convincing him it would be ok to 'make' a woman and small baby homeless you could be setting a precedent on how he treats you if things go wrong between you a year down the line? Oh of course that would be different that would be awful thing to do wouldn't it? Why because the bairn would be his can't you see its his blood relatives you are wanting out?

Hold you hand its amazing how things can sort themselves out I expect she is wanting to leave as soon as possible because I don't expect she is having THAT good a time with you.

expatinscotland · 26/03/2011 16:54

It's your fiance's house. You have no more legal right to stay there than she does so I'd be very careful and leave all of this to your fiance.

Do yourself a big favour and get married.

fedupofnamechanging · 26/03/2011 16:57

Perhaps he could help her out with a deposit for a privately rented flat, then you two would have your own space and he wouldn't be abandoning his sister.

Good post beesimo. I still think the sister needs to move out, but you've made me think about it a bit differently. Would like to know what the DP has to say and what promises were made to both the OP and his sister.

Original poster

crazychic141187 · 26/03/2011 18:17

My partner doesn't like to talk to me about his emotions which makes it hard for me to tell you what he is thinking about it all - trust me - its very annoying not knowing whats going on in his head.

When she had her interview with the housing people she told them that she had until the end of february to move out as that is when her brother was going to "kick" her out so that she could be put as a higher priority case. I dont want to get involved so i havent asked her what banding she is on - the houses she is bidding on are for council bidding btw.

Can i just say to those who are holding onto the rights issue that i never said i had any rights over the house or rights to kick her out.

All i want is for me and my partner to be able to have the baby and start our family together!

OP posts:

4FoxAche · 26/03/2011 18:32

Well unless your dp does actually kick her out, the council will keep dragging their feet and not offer her a place to live for ages as the way they see it she still has a roof over her head and obviously her brother wasn't that serious about kicking her out because it's march and she's still there.

You need to talk to you partner and find out what he plans to do. None of this keeping his emotions locked up rubbish. Both you and his sister need to know where you stand.

GloriaSmut · 26/03/2011 18:40

I always hate to come along and sound harsh but you've got rather a lot to sort out here. Starting with your partner's reluctance to talk about important matters. Because "not liking" emotional discussions is a lazy cop-out and not an encouraging sign given that this man is the father of your expected child. Only if he can't cope with emotions now, things are going to get very difficult when you are parents and have a whole new set of (often daily!) ishoos that'll need sorting.

I'm surprised that you'd assume your partner would find it easy to make his sister and baby niece homeless all the while there is room for them in the former family home, though. I'm not saying that having them live with you is ideal and I agree that you want your own space now that you are starting a family of your own. I think the three of you need to sit down and have a sensible conversation about how to take things forward. Because your partner needs to know that, given the current circumstances, his sister's housing needs will be assessed as fairly low so far as social housing is concerned so between you all - include his mother in the discussion too - you need to come up with a proper plan of action.

expatinscotland · 26/03/2011 18:45

'My partner doesn't like to talk to me about his emotions which makes it hard for me to tell you what he is thinking about it all - trust me - its very annoying not knowing whats going on in his head.'

I find that quite concerning. I wouldn't marry someone with whom I could not communicate, and he with me, very easily and openly, personally. It doesn't bode well for a marriage, IME.

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