To speak to the practice manager about this nurse?

[everybodysang]

I genuinely want to know if IABU or if I'm feeling a bit oversensitive because I'm tired and a bit sad (my grandad died yesterday). I just called my GP surgery and the practice manager is away on holiday till Monday so I've got a bit of time to decide if I want to do something or not.

So, I took my 12 week old baby for her second set of jabs this morning. The nurse is an older lady - friendly and pretty nice but she wound me up slightly last time as she kept saying "aw, isn't the little baby stupid, smiling now but she's got no idea what's coming...", that sort of thing, in a sing-song voice. Not a big deal by any means but she did it again today and I was kind of gritting my teeth a little. Anyway, I know IABU and terribly PFB by getting annoyed at that.

The real problem was that after she had done the jabs she was asking me how things were going. I said they were brilliant, but she'd been keeping us awake for the last few nights as she was going through a growth spurt. Conversation then went like this:

Nurse: I don't know if you've thought of it, but you could give her some baby rice?

Me: I'm not really interested in that, I want to continue exclusively breastfeeding for the moment.

Nurse: Yes, but remember that guidelines are just guidelines. You could just stick some in her bottle.

Me: I'm not really into the idea. And she doesn't take a bottle.

Nurse: Oh. Well, you could just give her some on a spoon. They're just guidelines.

Me: But don't the WHO guidelines say that even if you are going to do early weaning, you shouldn't introduce any food at all before 17 weeks?

Nurse: Yes, but they're just guidelines. You should go with your instinct.

Me: Right. Well, I think I'll stick with the breastfeeding for now.

Nurse: Ha! I bet you'll have changed your mind when I next see you.

Ok, that's it, word for word. Of course I understand they're just guidelines, but I'm nowhere near ready to think about giving her solids, I'm so happy breastfeeding her and she's growing really well and putting on weight well and is a healthy, bonny baby, going through what I thought was a perfectly normal growth spurt.

None of the 'friendly' advice I've been given so far has really bothered me, but it's mostly been from family and friends. AIBU to think a health professional shouldn't be suggesting something that has been shown to lead to problems with the gut and allergies etc; and particularly that she should have stopped pushing it when I told her I wasn't interested? I felt really undermined.

Or am I being all PFB again?

The baby rice advice is clearly rubbish, however thankfully you know better. Personally, I would be a bit worried about other people taking her stupid advice and A LOT LIVID about her calling my baby stupid. But then I have to admit that I have a V.V.V.PFB. I might have decked her.

I'm a nurse and I would complain.

You are obvious sure in your decisions but a less confiddent woman may not be, utlimately other babies may be put at risk by the "advice" this woman is giving.

I think it is serios enough to warrant a formal letter.

And I agree with a previous poster if you speak with her she is likely to pat you on the head (figuratively speaking) and continue on in much the same vein with other mums (the fact that she persisted suggests to me that this would be the case)

bupcakes "I'm the parent, I will decide what I think best."

But not all parents, especially first time ones, will think like that, as, generally, it is expected that professionals are the 'experts' and therefore will be advising you on the best thing to do for your baby.

I was ill-advised by my HV when DS1 was tiny and gave him a dummy as I was told he was putting on too much weight (approx 10oz a week for a couple of weeks) as I b/f on demand, so I should let him suck a dummy not my boobs, as it was sucking he wanted, not milk. Of course, with my subsequent DC, and more experience of talking to other mums/HVs, I found that tiny babies can (and do!) sometimes put on that much weight and it's fine. I was dead against dummies (personally) and was quite upset at 'giving in' but having been overweight all my life, I was worried that I would make my DS obese if I let him carry on b/f on demand. Had it have been the other way and I'd been told he was underweight, so put rice in a bottle and give him it, I'd probably have done that too, as, being inexperienced with babies, I'd have thought the HV knew best. Not all parents are confident or knowledgeable enough. And can be so worried about doing the right thing for their DC that they won't question the advice from pushy nutters professionals.

Though at least these days, you can Google everything and find out if it's right or wrong advice!

I had a shocking HV when I had my 2nd baby and I wish I had complained...as it is, I just phoned the office and requested that I not have her again but another one.

The other HVs were all tryng to get me to say why, they said because they could save another woman from being upset...but for some reason I didn't want to tell them. I guess I feared they would gossip about me...or think me silly.

But now in hindsight I wish I had complained. So do it.

Eden, I just MumsNet everything I was fortunate though that the paediatrician got me in with a good breastfeeding group when my HV started putting pressure on me and she knew she was defeated. Having had a premature baby I was far more for doing things naturally, without unnecessary intervention - so I wasn't going to accept that she needed anything else. One of the things that pushed me into Doulaing was knowing that people with less fight than me were giving in to bad advice, I had a hard time so got lots of support but women who have it easy often get none and do as they're told.

I think to say the word 'stupid' with regards to your baby was very rude and unprofessional and it is an awful word to use even as a joke

Growth spurts are normal and you are entirely right to follow your instinct. It is also lovely to hear your bf story - I am feeding my Dd as I type :)

Sorry about your grandad x

I would complain. The isn't baby stupid thing is really not a very nice thing to say. Obviously she is not meaning it in a horrible way, but I would not want that said about my baby.

As for the weaning thing, she should not be giving that advice. You had told her several times you were fine doing what you were doing but she pushed it and pushed it, not on really.

I would definitely mention it, not so much as a complaint against her, but just so that she's made aware that she's giving out wrong advice. As long as no-one says anything these badly-informed HCPs will keep pushing crap advice. Luckily you're well-informed OP, so you know it's crapola, but others may take her at her word.