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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To speak to the practice manager about this nurse?

58 replies

everybodysang · 23/03/2011 16:01

I genuinely want to know if IABU or if I'm feeling a bit oversensitive because I'm tired and a bit sad (my grandad died yesterday). I just called my GP surgery and the practice manager is away on holiday till Monday so I've got a bit of time to decide if I want to do something or not.

So, I took my 12 week old baby for her second set of jabs this morning. The nurse is an older lady - friendly and pretty nice but she wound me up slightly last time as she kept saying "aw, isn't the little baby stupid, smiling now but she's got no idea what's coming...", that sort of thing, in a sing-song voice. Not a big deal by any means but she did it again today and I was kind of gritting my teeth a little. Anyway, I know IABU and terribly PFB by getting annoyed at that.

The real problem was that after she had done the jabs she was asking me how things were going. I said they were brilliant, but she'd been keeping us awake for the last few nights as she was going through a growth spurt. Conversation then went like this:

Nurse: I don't know if you've thought of it, but you could give her some baby rice?

Me: I'm not really interested in that, I want to continue exclusively breastfeeding for the moment.

Nurse: Yes, but remember that guidelines are just guidelines. You could just stick some in her bottle.

Me: I'm not really into the idea. And she doesn't take a bottle.

Nurse: Oh. Well, you could just give her some on a spoon. They're just guidelines.

Me: But don't the WHO guidelines say that even if you are going to do early weaning, you shouldn't introduce any food at all before 17 weeks?

Nurse: Yes, but they're just guidelines. You should go with your instinct.

Me: Right. Well, I think I'll stick with the breastfeeding for now.

Nurse: Ha! I bet you'll have changed your mind when I next see you.

Ok, that's it, word for word. Of course I understand they're just guidelines, but I'm nowhere near ready to think about giving her solids, I'm so happy breastfeeding her and she's growing really well and putting on weight well and is a healthy, bonny baby, going through what I thought was a perfectly normal growth spurt.

None of the 'friendly' advice I've been given so far has really bothered me, but it's mostly been from family and friends. AIBU to think a health professional shouldn't be suggesting something that has been shown to lead to problems with the gut and allergies etc; and particularly that she should have stopped pushing it when I told her I wasn't interested? I felt really undermined.

Or am I being all PFB again?

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 23/03/2011 17:04

How dare she call the baby stupid, never mind the rice bullying, calling an innocent tot stupid is not fucking on. Ever.

TobyLerone · 23/03/2011 17:05

I wouldn't complain. And I do think you're being a little oversensitive/PFB.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/03/2011 17:10

confuddled... my mistake, she did say the bottle first but then moved on to suggesting from the spoon.

It doesn't preclude breastfeeding though, you can still breastfeed even if the child has had a spoon of rice. Your comment about sticking pins in your nipples is silly though.

Sidge · 23/03/2011 17:11

I'm a practice nurse and would be aghast if I heard a colleague giving this sort of 'advice'.

Apart from being wrong, it's also potentially dangerous. Rice in bottles is a possible choking hazard and the current weaning guidelines are that solid food should be introduced from 17 weeks, which is miles away from 12 weeks.

I think a letter to the practice manager is valid because it will highlight the fatc that this nurse is giving out bad advice; if you just have a word with her, she won't bat an eyelid and change her practice. A letter in writing makes it more 'formal' and they have to acknowledge the incident.

She's not necessarily acting entirely outside her remit but should be referring parents to the HV if they have infant feeding queries.

amberleaf · 23/03/2011 17:14

I wouldnt complain.

But then id give my baby baby rice off a spoon too.

eden263 · 23/03/2011 17:16

YANBU at all, or emotional because you're tired and sad (sorry about your grandad), I would have been offended about her calling my baby 'stupid', without the rest of it! Very bad advice, and if you weren't so clued up and firm in your beliefs you might be giving your poor LO rice in a bottle as we speak!

If I was in your position, I would write a pleasant and non-accusatory letter to the practice manager, copied to your HV, saying that by no means do you want this to be treated as a formal complaint (even though it should be, lol!) outlining what was said and voicing your concerns that, although the nurse is generally very nice, she is giving completely inappropriate advice. And cite the WHO, with a reference to where it says about weaning on their website, so that you can show that you know what you're talking about.

She maybe just needs to update her skills, and certainly her bedside manner!!!

WhirlyGigs · 23/03/2011 17:22

I agree with SoupDragon - I wouldn't complain officially but I would give the practice manager a call and tell her what happened. It's important that they know if staff need additional training. Somebody who was not quite as confident with their parenting may have taken her advice and caused more harm than good.

Sorry to hear about your Grandad x

slhilly · 23/03/2011 17:27

I'd tell the PM. LyingWitch, if people don't find out they're doing things wrong, they can never learn to do better. That's what this is about. The nurse is doing things wrong and needs to learn - the process of learning ("reflective practice") is the heart of clinical professionalism. So I'd tell the PM. If the PM doesn't act appropriately on it, I'd tell one of the GP partners.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 23/03/2011 17:30

Yanbu, she sounds like a bossy old cow, well done for sticking to your guns though!

DevonDumplin · 23/03/2011 17:32

I am a nurse too and this is a totally unacceptable way to interact with a new mum, IMO I agree with Eden, you should certainly voice your concerns to the practice mananger, in writting, and take these few days to clearly and precicely word exactly what your concerns are, ie. bad advice, pestering (certainly sounded like it). Make sure aswell that you make it clear that you welcome feeding advice if it is well explained, justified and constructive not dismissive of national guidelines and your feeding choices (to continue to BF). IMO the conversation should have stopped after the second sentence with a friendy 'i'm here if you do ever want to talk about feeding options'.

Is she by any chance from another nationality? Doesn't make it ok but we've had to pull up some overseas nurses on giving appauling advice to new mums and they are genuinly shocked.

Please let us know the outcome

Kosmik · 23/03/2011 17:37

The nurse is an idiot and needs to go back to school. Unfortunately she is not the only one. Isn't there enough pressure on mums to NOT breastfeed?

unfitmother · 23/03/2011 17:40

I think you should bring it to the Practice manager's attention.

brimfull · 23/03/2011 17:44

shocking advice
i had dd 19 yrs ago and I remember HV distinctly saying do NOT put rice in bottles ,lots of grandmothers in those days recommended it ,hence her warning.
How old is this nurse??
she has a duty to keep up to date ..NMC code of conduct and all that
write a letter to PM

Pocketsocks · 23/03/2011 17:49

My thoughts on the matter concur with most, that it's not nessercerily a complaining matter but it's not really on if she gave that advice to someone less experienced.

However I am interested about the rice in bottles info as when I approached my HV about weaning at 16 weeks ish to hear her thoughts she did suggest putting the rice in the bottle, which I declined to do as I didn't like the idea of it clogging up the teats. I have half a mind to go back and question her on the matter now!

Baggypussy · 23/03/2011 17:54

Defo. Complain. And change practices/ask to see a different nurse next time.

It's one thing to point out that '...well, the advice in my day was xyz'.

Quite another to push (and it does sound like a push) misguided, incorrect and potentially harmful 'advice' when it is clearly unwanted, unsolicited and totally outside of her professional remit.

valiumredhead · 23/03/2011 17:58

Forget her manner - putting rice in a babies bottle went out with the ark!! It's a choking hazzard apart from anything else.

I would bring this to the manager's attention.

onepieceoflollipop · 23/03/2011 17:58

My sil was given similar advice with her 11 week old child. She was told that rusk would be fine. Shock. Sil isn't very confident and also had pressure from older relatives on her side, and took the advice. So either it was the same nurse or there is more than one giving this sort of advice.

valiumredhead · 23/03/2011 17:59

I'm really sorry about your Grandad, how sad Sad

WoTmania · 23/03/2011 18:06

YANBU - I would definitely write to the practice manager if it were me. Crap advice and potentially very dangerous if given to every mother whose baby gets into her hands for jabs :(

StealthPolarBear · 23/03/2011 18:09

Yes two issues:

-baby rice in bottle
-baby rice at 12 weeks

You could include her manner (which sounds dreadful) but please make the main focus of the complaint the dreadful advice re weaning

bupcakesandcunting · 23/03/2011 18:13

Personally, I would just ignore it. I'm the parent, I will decide what I think best.

I don't think you would be unreasonable to complain but it may sound a touch petty calling the practice manager to say you were offended by a nurse telling you to dish out baby rice but you have chosen to ignore her. Totally your call.

bupcakesandcunting · 23/03/2011 18:14

Oops missed the bit about rice in bottle! Complain away!

animula · 23/03/2011 18:30

Yes, put it in writing to Practice Manager.

For all you know they know she's a little eccentric but have difficulty raising issues with her because no-one ever complains, so there is nothing they can do. (I have the T-shirt on this one, having been practically begged to write a letter of complaint by a practice manager in the past - to my shame, I didn't - I had too much going on.)

Sad to hear about your grandfather, and hope you;re enjoying your baby.

3littlefrogs · 23/03/2011 18:32

If she is a nurse (as opposed to a HV or midwife) she should NOT be giving advice about feeding or weaning. Period.

saffy85 · 23/03/2011 19:59

I'd report it, mainly because she's giving very shit advice. Rather persistantly by the sound of it Hmm and while you seem assertive enough to politely shoot her down, others might actually take her advice as fact.

FWIW I'd be very pissed off if someone called my baby stupid in any context, don't think it's pfb at all.

Sorry to hear about your grandad btw Sad