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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be happy yet upset that I'm having a third girl?

30 replies

ladyofla · 23/03/2011 13:54

I just found out this morning I am going to have a third girl. In my 12 week scan I was told it was 95% sure I was going to have a boy so even though we didn't tell anyone in case it wasn't a boy I had got used to the idea. I was sort of disappointed but at the same time relived at having another girl and mostly happy the baby is healthy. I was worried my DH might be disappointed but he is in fact delighted. In the couple of hours since then I have been a bit upset. I don't actually crave a boy as such and haven't been dreaming of blue or boy stuff but just thought maybe a change would be good. At the same time there is something very nice about having a third girl. I also feel so lucky to be having three kids when I know so many people having fertility problems and have friends who have just not met the right person to have kids with etc. The weird thing is that I think I am upset at what will be the reaction of people when I tell them. I have already had comments about how I must want a boy etc. It seems sometimes that other people have more hang ups about it being a boy or girl than the parents. I'm sure I will have some nice but almost commiserating type comments and I think I am more upset at the prospect of all these reactions than anything else. Does this make any sense? Has anyone else been in the same situation?

OP posts:

janajos · 23/03/2011 13:56

I cried all night when I found out I was having my 3rd boy! He is now nearly 2 and of course I wouldn't change him for any number of girls. I was crying not for him, but for the daughter I didn't have iyswim. Just grieve, and move on, looking forward to the beautiful baby girl you will soon enjoy - ignore other people's silly remarks.

Dropdeadfred · 23/03/2011 13:57

I have 3 girls...I love having all girls.
I would love a 4th but it is not going to happen
Enjoy your beautiful daughters..and congratulations!

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 23/03/2011 14:12

I have 2 girls but although I occasionally wonder what it would be like to have a boy I don't have any really longing. I do completely understand the comments and the assumption that you must hjave been trying (and therefore failed) to have a boy. Which is completely untrue!

I think give yourself time, the picture of your family in your head has changed, you just need time to get a new picture

Three girls is FAB congratulations!!

(I was one of threee girls too!)

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 23/03/2011 14:13

I have 3 girls!!! Really really must proof read my post!

compo · 23/03/2011 14:14

Don't tell anyone until you give birth
then they won't make rude insensitive comments

ThisFeelsWeird · 23/03/2011 14:23

Ditto compo don't tell people the sex of your baby till it's born, even when you know yourself.

Congrats! I am one of three girls, it's lovely. Er... most of the time

I can totally see where you're coming from re: other people's comments. Other people are stupid. Or usually just stuck for something interesting to say and so this pointless gender comparison comes up.

My dad has had years of people asking him if he wishes he'd had a boy... what on earth do they expect him to say????

Deciduousblonde · 23/03/2011 14:26

I got a ''Oh no, never mind'' from my mother when I told her I am expecting my 4th girl. To be honest it wouldn't matter what I said to her, she will still believe with all her heart that we were trying for a boy (actually we weren't trying for anything, but there you go)

I love the fact that I'm having another girl, and so does DH. In fact I had to ask the sonographer again last week if it really was a girl as I had previously dreamed it was a boy and was dreadfully upset (in my dream!).

Luckily I have had no negative comments from anyone else...but the fact that it was from my child's grandmother REALLY hurt, and probably always will.

NormanTebbit · 23/03/2011 14:29

You are in for so much fun. I have three girls and they are a little coven cackling together, fighting and making up, giggling, organising 'discos', wild games. They argue but are also very protective and affectionate.

I am exhausted by them, they are marvellous. Enjoy your three little girls.

vanimal · 23/03/2011 14:42

Congrats!

I have 2 DDs, and really, really want a 3rd DD. However I almost dread getting pregnant again and hearing those awful comments about wanting a boy now. I want to shoot people who think that way.

But a 3rd daughter is fab news, congratulations.

TheSleepFairy · 23/03/2011 14:50

I have 3 girls & I had mixed feelings as we were told at one point our 3rd was a boy.

People have openly said "oh well" "you will just have to try again & go for 4" when DD3 was born

We wern't trying for a baby let alone "only trying for a boy" & a 3rd baby was a very big suprise.

I'm sure if DH is completly honest he would have liked a boy but I really like our girly gang (DH works long hours) & I feared a poor little boy would be covered in glitter & fairy wings!!!

nickelbabyhatcher · 23/03/2011 14:51

it's great!
I'm one of three girls - I think ti's the perfect combination.

plus, they can all share a room on holiday!

Original poster

ladyofla · 23/03/2011 14:54

Thanks for your comments. I feel ridiculous to be even bothered by other people. I'm not usually like that. Maybe it is because I had the idea of having a boy and need to let go of that. I know having three girls will be fab as two are already so great it just means more fun! I guess it's frustrating that some people don't get that. Even the sonographer made a comment about my DH being disappointed (when in fact DH is delighted). But then I also know the sonographer has fertility problems and would love any kind of baby so I guess it's better just to let these comments go and realise how lucky I am.

OP posts:

redstripeyelephant · 23/03/2011 15:21

I do know what you mean, after DD2 was born, even though I was over the moon and loved her to bits, for a few days I found myself a bit weepy at the thought of the little boy I was never going to have. But I think if I had had a boy I would also have been feeling the same way about the 2nd daughter I'd never have, iyswim? You can't help building up a picture in your head of what this little person is going to be like and it's hard to accept when it's not what you imagined.

Three girls will be fabulous, just ignore people's comments (the number of people who have asked if we will be 'trying for a boy' ) In fact I was just hanging out some of DD1's washing thinking about how lovely it will be for DD2 to wear the same gorgeous outfits in 2 years time!

nickelbabyhatcher · 24/03/2011 10:24

have to admit, I've always wanted 3 girls. It just seems correct .
I'm worried that I'll be upset if it's a boy.

(my big sis just had a boy, and she found out at the scan, and she said to me "i was upset at first but now i'm okay" -and once he was born, she was chuffed to bits)

Fennel · 24/03/2011 10:38

I have 3 girls, to me that's just about perfect, if I;d been able to choose in advance it's what I'd have gone for.

Noone ever commiserated with me for having a 3rd girl, but I think that's because of how I am, quite obviously feminist, people would know I'd be fine with all girls. It's as though I'm growing my own little 70's separatist feminist commune.

DP gets the occasional comment along the lines of "poor him" but he's perfectly happy - he does lego and woodwork and scaletrix and windsurfing and kayaking with the dds, it's not all pink glitter in our household.

Kosmik · 24/03/2011 10:46

Congratulations! Enjoy your 3rd girl they are all different and I'm sure she'll bring you a lifetime of joy. I got 2 girls and the 3rd child is a a boy, I cried tears of joy when I knew as I had secretly hoped for a boy! I'm sure I would have been overjoyed at a girl too if that was meant to be x

oldwomaninashoe · 24/03/2011 11:02

My third pregnancy was supposed to be my daughter, I already had 2 boys, and did everything to have a girl ie went on a calcium rich diet, sex only at a certain stage of my cycle etc , etc.
I had twin boys!
I love all four but really I'm envious when I see that Mother/daughter relationship that so many have.
I know how you feel, and I think it is natural.

DD3 will be very special and amaze you!!

4madboys · 24/03/2011 11:13

i got it the opposite was with no 3 and 4 who were my 3rd and 4th boys, we didnt find out with the first three and then did with no 4, but didnt tell anyone and unfortunately we STILL got negative comments when he was born lots of 'oh no never mind. maybe next time' etc etc and one close family member who when we called to say baby had arrived said they were 'disappointed' how the fuck you can be disappointed at the birth of a healthy baby i will never know!!

anyhow its annoying as hell, rant away on here about all the comments and enjoy your third daughter! congratulations

my baby no 5 is a girl by the way, 15wks old and i am STILL getting comments about how fabulous is must be to 'finally' have a girl and 'thank goodness you didnt have ANOTHER boy' etc i just try to grit my teeth but tend to politely say that whilst i am enjoying shopping for girls clothes (who wouldnt) that actually it makes no real difference that she is a girl, she is still my baby as would a boy have been!

monkeyjamtart · 24/03/2011 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fennel · 24/03/2011 14:16

Indeed. My dd3 is totally different from her sisters, and they are quite different from each other too. It's not like producing clones. That's one of the things I hadn't realised about having a 3rd, just how different it would be. Not just more of the same.

x2boys · 24/03/2011 17:14

i have two boys not planning any more do have vague pangs of regrets sometimes about not having a little girl but wouldnt change my boys for anything but i do find it annoying when people ask me when we will be trying for a girl as though my family is not complete because i dont have children of both sex,s i am just very greatful to have two beautiful children my friend incidentally has two girls and gets the same comments but opposite way around

Original poster

ladyofla · 24/03/2011 17:50

Well I've told plenty of people since yesterday (they all knew I was going to find out) and the comments haven't been too bad except for a couple of 'oh well, maybe next time'! I'll admit I have been a bit down though. Maybe I wanted a boy more than I thought or perhaps it's because I've been going around for the last couple of months thinking I was having a boy. It's like I'm doing a bit of grieving for the boy I'm not going to have. I also don't think I ever saw myself as a Mum of 3 girls but I guess with time those ideas in my head will change.

OP posts:

VajazzHands · 24/03/2011 17:53

i know its against the rules to admit on mumsnet-- but i would love 3 girls!

rexrabbit · 24/03/2011 18:21

I think a lot of it must be that thing of grieving for the child/family you might have had but now know you won't get. When you start having kids the field is wide open, your children are entirely imaginary and just as you want them to be. But as time goes on the dream children fade away as you realise you have wonderful children you could never have imagined! Let yourself grieve, and know that you will move on...

Original poster

ladyofla · 24/03/2011 18:55

I think that is it. I never imagined I would have all girls and all the more as I have been going round for the past two months thinking I was having a boy. It's hitting me more today and I have been crying a lot and I realise this is more than just dreading people's comments. I feel like an ungrateful cow for going on like this and I wouldn't say it to anyone in real life when I know many people who would do anything just to have kids and my life.

OP posts:

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