To not allow DD (14) any money (even lunch money) as she spends it on sweets/chocolate/cake and I am worried she is going to turn into a Ten Ton Tessie like me!

[FFFS]

She has never bought lunches at school since starting secondary as if so much as a nibble of food passes her lips whilst she is on school premises, other kids will call her fat but I have still given her £10 a week just in case she has the courage to buy a sandwich. She will also not take packed lunches as all the other kids will laugh at her .

Now we have a large Tesco which is on her way home from school and she will go in there after school and buy family sized choc bars/sweets, massive bags of crisps and coke/red bull etc which she hides in her bag and snaffles in her room. I have told her and told her about it and always offer her a snack as soon as she gets in as I know she will not have eaten since breakfast but she refuses. I have always done my best to educate her on nutrition etc but she will not get it.

We have gotten to the point now where she refuses to eat her dinner that I've slaved over as she's too full from eating crap. I also constantly find that she's raided the cupboards for our junk stash and keep finding wrappers behind her bed (2 snickers bars in one afternoon). The DCs are supposed to ask for the junk (which I let them have when appropriate) but can take sandwiches/yoghurts/fruit as they wish if they feel hungry between meals. DH has said we cannot have it the house then as she is constantly taking it and I agree so no more biscuits/crisps/chocolate etc, might do me a favour as well. I have even bought her a vitamin supp but she will not take it .

I am overweight myself and currently losing it and I am terrified that she will turn out like me (I put it on after DCs though)as she is definitely getting bigger, she bought a pair of size 10 jeans last week and could not fit into them. I do not want her to be skinny btw just healthy and I only mentioned size 10s as that is what she has been for the last year, she was an 8 before that though . She is covered in spots, has no energy, will not sleep until late, no concentration at school so is failing and her teachers are getting fed up with her, and is generally horrible in behaviour and attitude so I have decided to not give her the £10 a week 'lunch money' or her £50.00 a month allowance so she will not have money to spend on this crap until she starts eating better. She will have the option of taking packed lunches to school still.

AIBU?

You need to take her to the gp, just eating junk in her room and hiding the wrappers as well as the not eating all day are not good signs.

Has she started her periods yet? But going from a size 8 to a 10 is not bad, most of my friends as teenagers put on weight going through puberty and went up a dress size.

I do think that she has unhealthy attitudes to food. It's also no wonder she cannot concentrate at school if she's not eating as her blood sugar levels won't be stable. What does she eat for breakfast? As it is affecting her school work and her other friends are similar then the school definitely have a responsibility to get involved.

It is NOT normal for children not to eat at school or to eat in front of each other. And for 14 year olds to be calling a girl in a size 10/12 fat is deeply concerning.

She will also be unable to concentrate in her afternoon lessons and won't reach her academic potential.

Also, not trying to alarm you further but are you sure she isn't making herself sick after eating all that junk in secret and hiding the wrappers? All these signs set off huge Eating Disorder alarm bells in my head.

Just thought I would add I used to do this, mine stopped when I took G.C.S.E P.E. I was doing so much exercize that I had to, I also as part of my course spoke to dieticians and studyied alot of eating disorders and junk foods general effects. Plus I just couldnt do the work when I was eating crap as well as if I was eating a healthy diet.

I would be carefull how you approach this, I would get the school or your GP to do it as she is not listening to you.

"I am overweight myself and currently losing it and I am terrified that she will turn out like me"

She's size 10 and aged 14!

What's overweight about that?

Are you sure your feelings about being overweight haven't affected her, and that now she is terrified of being overweight, even though she isn't?

Have you mentioned to her that you think she is putting on weight. She should put on weight at 14, she's still growing.

Agree with others: what is worrying is her unhealthy attitude towards food and her fear of eating in front of others.

What I find most concerning is the attitude of not eating all day in school which you say is widely spread in the school
The school needs to adress that, pronto!
AS for what size is concerning, surely that depends on the height and frame of the child? DD1 is 17, 5'3, petite, boyish frame,size 8- appropriate for height and frame. DD2 is 14, 5'10, sporty, hourglass figure, size 10(-12 at times), appropriate for HER frame and height. DD1 size 12 (which she was at one point) looked decidedly chubby. Now, DP DD is 16, 4'11 and size 12-14, she is a big girl, no doubt about that.
None of them have grown recently.
So, in order to judge if size 12 (NOT size 10, OP said she could not fit into size 10 any more!) is chubby, we'd need to know height/ frame.
Seeing that, this sort of eating will cause weight gain, tiredness, spots, and the lack of food at lunchtime will cause lack of concentration at school. So YANBU.
NB both my DD's school have the option of transferring money directly into lunch account from my bank account on line, and I can also check what it has been spent on/ has been eaten. Does your DD school not have that?
(NB £50/month at 14? My DDs would love to be your daughter! DD2 gets £30!)

She sounds very like my 14 year old and her friends- and they are all size 10 at least, especially in those hideous tight school trousers they all seem to wear. They don't buy canteen food because they can't be bothered to queue. I would be very concerned if it was because they might be called fat.

DD also eats junk at school (from junk food goldmine shop outside school gates) but doesn't leave the house without cereal/toast/banana and she gobbles toast/ cheese/ fruit/ plain biscuits when she comes home.

Coke, crisps, choc comes in the house, but for treats, not as routine.

Sweet wrappers in bedroom seem part of teenage life. As does bad behaviour, bad sleep patterns. I think 14 is a horrible, high pressure, still growing age to be.

Is your dd the same in the school holidays? Because mine more or less transforms back to near normal.

I would stop giving her the £10 a week and make her a packed lunch. Even if she doesn't eat at school, she won't be stopping off at the shop on the way home and will be more likely to eat her dinner at home, won't she?

MInd you, this is a bit alien to me as I have a 10 yr old ds who won't stop eating as he's always so hungry, but I understand there are different pressures with teen girls.

Take her to a GP,

not eating in front of other people is a sign of a eating disorder, as is hoarding food. Even if its not a big and scary as Anorexia or Bulimia, if you don't sort it now it will plague her for the rest of her life. Are you able to look at her browsing history on the computer, there are alot of websites which offer such useful tips as "use smaller cutlery, it means you eat slower" and "thinspirations"

Not saying that it's the case with your DD, but I was embarrassed about my size at school and I bought junk and ate it in 'secret' in my bedroom. My mum did have issues with my weight, which didn't help, but I ended up HUGE (seventeen stone! Lost it in my 20s but it took til then to get my head straight).

If she's not eating at school because of peer pressure then that/her self esteem needs looking at as the priority I think.

Also you could say to her, okay fine, you want some junk on your way home, but have a normal sized choc bar instead of the family-size?

If she won't eat st school because the otehr girls laugh at her and call ehr fat, then she is being bullied.

And being terrified of her getting fat because she has, at the age of 14, gone from an 8 to a 10 is insane - sorry. Her breasts and hips will naturally get a bit bigger at this age - it's called growing up.

You shouldn't be worried about her weight. You should be worried about what is causing her to ]eat secretly. This isn't about diet, it's about self esteem.