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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling really annoyed at DH for going off skiing for a week with mate while I'm at home, pregnant, looking after the kids

77 replies

mojoawol · 21/03/2011 17:19

Is this normal married behaviour? Not been married long, and if it wasn't for the fact that I'm pregnant, we would all be on holiday together, but because of pregnancy, clearly I can't ski so DH has decided that its ok for him to have his ski holiday whatever. AIBU to feel bitter and resentful??

OP posts:
nzshar · 21/03/2011 19:41

So have I got this right it was supposed to be FAMILY holiday then he decided to make it a mates holiday and you LET this happen. Your fault for not saying something if it upset you so much OMHO

foreverondiet · 21/03/2011 19:49

I posted similar this time last year, more of a AIBU to be pissed off that DH wants to go skiing leaving me with 2 kids to look after, plus work and was 7 months pregnant.

Anyway I got slated. Almost everyone else said they thought he deserved a break for a few days before the baby came.

In the end he decided not to go as he was in the middle of looking for a new job and he couldn't schedule in the ski trip.

Original poster
mojoawol · 21/03/2011 19:54

nzshar - how exactly is being pg 'letting' something happen? Think I mentioned earlier in thread that I expressed my opinion, but felt it was perhaps unreasonable to 'disallow' it

OP posts:
Original poster
mojoawol · 21/03/2011 19:58

And foreverondiet - I feel your pain! Why do the men deserve a break and not us? Before, during and after!

I'm off to join a women's commune

OP posts:
maighdlin · 21/03/2011 20:03

YANBU to feel left out. i hated missing out on things because i was preg.

however look at this on a positive note. for the next 2 possibly 3 years you have this ammo against him. e.g. after baby is born. "DH would you do the babysitting on saturday night? I met my friend X when you were away skiing in town and she just text asking me to go out with her." even when he comes home "oh DH my ankles have been killing me. they haven't been right since i took the DC's to the park while you were away, give them a rub for me.[silent evil laugh emoticon]"

plus look at it as a break from him for you too. do all sorts of girly behaviour, like getting the manicure kit out while watching tv that he won't watch without him giving off about the smell of nail varnish remover. every one has secret indulgences or things they enjoy doing that their dp doesn't, do yours!

PickleSarnie · 21/03/2011 20:11

YADNBU.

I love, love, love skiing and there is no way I could cope with OH going whilst I'm stuck at home. Call me unreasonable but he could go on any other holiday but just not skiing!

MusieB · 21/03/2011 20:13

Mojo - I understand your jealousy I really do! The only good thing about having an early January baby was not missing out on our annual ski trip (tho' some people were a bit Hmm about taking DD aged 12 weeks and leaving her with a nanny).
Despite being a really keen (and pretty darn good if I do say so myself!) skier I would not have skied while pg. As others have said you can't count on others not to ski like loons and crash into you and I don't know about you but I still have the occasional fall where I can't figure out what went wrong. This year I managed to jam my pole into my stomach when falling - might have been disastrous if pg.

Why not say that next year you expect a really amazing ski holiday (at least a grade up from your normal) paid for with the £ saved this year, plus a private nanny for the baby so you can get the max skiing in. Then spend the time he's away picking a fabulous holiday!

Kosmik · 21/03/2011 20:15

YANBU. When I was last pregnant (2008) we all (Me, DH & DDs) spent a summer weekend in London then we all had a 2 week holiday in Turkey. You are supposed to be a family now aren't you? Your husband is out of order.

Original poster
mojoawol · 21/03/2011 20:25

Thanks for your understanding ladies! I now feel a bit more justified in my resentment!

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 21/03/2011 20:33

So... next time he "decides" he is having a lads holiday

will you still be "cool with it" ?

Because once the baby is here, and with other kids too, he is going to see many opportunities for himself to have a little break that doesn't involve the family Hmm

nzshar · 21/03/2011 20:36

Because if there was true communication there would have been comprimise. If this had been put out as a get away for the two of you then I could probably understand that he would still want to get away and completely understand your resentment. The fact that this was planned as a family holiday then an alternative FAMILY holiday should have been the answer. But like I said just my opinion and how I would do things.

nzshar · 21/03/2011 20:37

sorry sp compromise*

Original poster
mojoawol · 21/03/2011 20:50

Peterandre - I take your point, but before he left, I really didn't think I'd feel quite so jealous about it, now I'm living it, I won't be letting it happen again in such a hurry - and with 3 kids, it'll also be all the more unreasonable for him to expect to do this type of thing, therefore all the more reasonable for me to put my foot down.
And nzshar - you've confused me again, why would it be ok to cancel a getaway for us as a couple, but not a family holiday?

OP posts:
SoftKittyWarmKitty · 21/03/2011 20:51

Not sure if I'm missing something here but why didn't you just go but not ski? That way you'd get a change of scenery, time with your family and a chance to relax. A friend of mine goes to a ski resort every year with her DH and DCs but doesn't ski - she just relaxes with a book and a hot chocolate while the kids are in ski school and her DH skis.

If I were you I'd be seriously pissed off tbh and would be voicing my discontent in as calm and reasonable manner as possible.Wink

PeterAndreForPM · 21/03/2011 20:54

ok mojo, I get you

am glad you have seen he light though Smile

being "cool" can sometimes mean "getting crapped on"

winnybella · 21/03/2011 20:57

What I don't understand is why didn't you all go together?

You could have just relaxed, he could have taken the kids skiing.

Instead he decided to go with a mate and leave you with children Hmm

nzshar · 21/03/2011 21:00

Not cancel, rearrange. Perhaps I see the chance of a couple getaway not as important as a planned family holiday Blush I don't disagree with him going, I think that people including dads and mums sometimes need a break away with mates. But I think I would be more peeved considering it was a family holiday to start with and that should have taken priority.

Original poster
mojoawol · 21/03/2011 21:03

The idea of us all going and me just not skiing was discussed, but tbh, I didn't really find the idea of spending a 'family' holiday basically alone, all that appealing.
Don't get me wrong, I love a bit of me time and relaxing, but for a whole week? And watching everyone go off/come back from skiing days would have been even more galling than this

OP posts:
SoftKittyWarmKitty · 21/03/2011 21:23

"The idea of us all going and me just not skiing was discussed, but tbh, I didn't really find the idea of spending a 'family' holiday basically alone, all that appealing. Don't get me wrong, I love a bit of me time and relaxing, but for a whole week? And watching everyone go off/come back from skiing days would have been even more galling than this"

In which case, tbh you've made your bed etc.

Kosmik · 21/03/2011 22:12

I would have still gone skiing AND joined in. I went ice skating, I went to a Morrissey concert (was in the middle of the Moz pit) and paragliding last time I was pregnant. Being pregnant has never stopped me from enjoying anything - apart from alcohol. AIBU?

PeterAndreForPM · 21/03/2011 22:20

it's not about you though is it, Kosmik ? Hmm

Kosmik · 21/03/2011 22:26

No, sorry Blush

ledkr · 21/03/2011 22:27

Kosmik-who let you do that when pg? I tried to ice skate in swindon at xmas when pg and they wouldnt allow it,and skiing must be abit risky when pg,How silly to take such risks when pg you may have well have drunk.

PeterAndreForPM · 21/03/2011 22:28

I'm sorry too, kosmik, that was mean of me x

PeterAndreForPM · 21/03/2011 22:30

wellllll, I did none of those adventurous things when I was pg, but I did have a few glasses of wine Smile

in fact, not even when I wasn't pg... Smile

takes all sorts dunnit