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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked at this parent?

65 replies

boyscomingoutofmyears · 21/03/2011 15:58

This is my first AIBU so please be gentle.

Today my son's class visited a Gurdwara as part of this terms topic. I have just picked him up from school and while waiting in the playground I struck up a conversation with a couple of parents who had been helpers on the visit. We were talking about the visit when a Dad of a child in my son's class started having a go at us for "promoting fcking pkis entering our country" by allowing our children to take part in the trip (sorry, but those were his words and I wanted you to get the full effect). The other parents scuttled off but I confronted him on his racist attitude. I told him I wanted my ds to grow up to be open minded and that I will never be tolerant of discrimination. Ge had a real go at me then and became agressive and confrontational. My DS came out of school so I left quickly as I didn't want to cause anymore of a scene in front of a group of 6 year olds.

I'm really upset now though and feel quite threatened. My question is really WIBU to have a word with the head about this tomorrow? I feel quite uncomfortable and worried about seeing him given his level of anger that was directed at me. I also think that he shouldn't be allowed to say such awful things in a playground of young children. Could the head do anything about this anyway?

TIA

OP posts:
OutOutLetItAllOut · 21/03/2011 16:00

he is a rude and stupid prick. i would talk to the school specfically if you felt threatened.

tigana · 21/03/2011 16:01

yanbu to be shocked. And bloody good on you for standing up to him.

Not sure re telling the Head as i genuinely don't know if there is anything the head can do. Will await more knowledgable sorts...

Stokey38 · 21/03/2011 16:01

Not at all, good for you! It's really easy to ignore these things and it's just vile and disgusting that people still have these kind of attitudes, let alone voice them. Would it be worth speaking to the school if you feel worried about him?

RitaMorgan · 21/03/2011 16:05

The Head can at least warn this father that racist language and aggression are not allowed on school grounds.

nickelbabysnatcher · 21/03/2011 16:05

YANBU>
you have to tell the head.

If he has these opinions, then that's up to him, but he shouldn't be spouting them in front of other people.
:(

IDontThinkSoDoYOU · 21/03/2011 16:07

I love you!

I would also call the police. Even aftr the event, now, I would.

:)

topsyturner · 21/03/2011 16:08

YANBU
I would say something . Even if it just prompts the school to reinforce their inclusion policy .
And good for you for standing up and saying something . Too few people do !

ForeverNamechanging · 21/03/2011 16:10

I would tell the head. Spouting racist crap and being that aggressive in a playground is completely unacceptable!

SauvignonBlanche · 21/03/2011 16:11

YANBU Shock
Tell the head.

Original poster
boyscomingoutofmyears · 21/03/2011 16:11

That's what I thought Rita.

Thanks for the replies, I've never been one to back down from a good debate but ge was so aggressive and his DW is one of the 'it mums' at the school so I think I've made life a bit difficult for myself tbh Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
boyscomingoutofmyears · 21/03/2011 16:13

Thanks idontthink not sure I am worthy though Grin

OP posts:
ForeverNamechanging · 21/03/2011 16:13

Its a shame the other parents just walked away - Their behaviour is shocking aswell

PepsiPopcorn · 21/03/2011 16:16

YANBU. Even husbands of "it mums" should behave with courtesy and tolerance, particularly on school grounds.

MmeLindt · 21/03/2011 16:16

Good for you.

Not sure if the head teacher can do anything, but have a word so that she can keep an eye on him.

confuddledDOTcom · 21/03/2011 16:17

The other thing for telling the head is his child could repeat the attitude so some early damage limitation would be useful.

Sarsaparilllla · 21/03/2011 16:24

Good for you!! Yes, I think you should speak to the head teacher about it, people can't go round spouting racists abusive language on school grounds surely

manticlimactic · 21/03/2011 16:25

What's an 'it mum'?

BeerTricksPotter · 21/03/2011 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
boyscomingoutofmyears · 21/03/2011 16:27

I think the head is aware of his attitude as he didn't allow his DD to go on the trip. In fact a letter came home last week from school saying that some children had been going into school with some rather inappropriate phrases since the visit had been planned, so could parents please reassure children that Sikh beliefs are based upon loyalty and truthfulness.

The letter basically said if you don't want your kids to go then fine but please don't teach your kids such awful language. I thought it may be him at the time tbh but wasn't sure.

OP posts:
Happymm · 21/03/2011 16:28

Shock OMG-good for you. This kind of crap is unacceptable and shouldn't be tolerated. Speak to head. Shame on the parents who walked away:(

getoffme · 21/03/2011 16:32

we need more people like you. the head can tell him not to be racist, aggresive and threatening on school grounds, can keep an eye on the little one, so he doesn't show the errors of their dad, even if the head is already aware it won't hurt to say, he may need some more gentle persuation to be tolerant, i can't believe other parents watched and nodded.

oldwomaninashoe · 21/03/2011 16:33

Well done you! An elderly man is often on the bus I travel on between station and office. He likes to spout racist claptrap at the top of his voice to any one who will listen. (He also smells) Today he sat next to me and I thought "Just you start" but I had to avert my head and nostrils as the pong was so bad!so had no eye contact with him, otherwise he would have started!

I would mention it to the head, and don't you just feel so sorry for his offspring!

BeerTricksPotter · 21/03/2011 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notinmypocket · 21/03/2011 16:34

Good you stood up to him, shame the others just left you to it.

I would mention it to the head especially if you felt threatened.

StealthPolarBear · 21/03/2011 16:35

Schools should be recording & reporting racist incidents in schools and if this isn't one I don't know what is