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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked at this parent?

65 replies

boyscomingoutofmyears · 21/03/2011 15:58

This is my first AIBU so please be gentle.

Today my son's class visited a Gurdwara as part of this terms topic. I have just picked him up from school and while waiting in the playground I struck up a conversation with a couple of parents who had been helpers on the visit. We were talking about the visit when a Dad of a child in my son's class started having a go at us for "promoting fcking pkis entering our country" by allowing our children to take part in the trip (sorry, but those were his words and I wanted you to get the full effect). The other parents scuttled off but I confronted him on his racist attitude. I told him I wanted my ds to grow up to be open minded and that I will never be tolerant of discrimination. Ge had a real go at me then and became agressive and confrontational. My DS came out of school so I left quickly as I didn't want to cause anymore of a scene in front of a group of 6 year olds.

I'm really upset now though and feel quite threatened. My question is really WIBU to have a word with the head about this tomorrow? I feel quite uncomfortable and worried about seeing him given his level of anger that was directed at me. I also think that he shouldn't be allowed to say such awful things in a playground of young children. Could the head do anything about this anyway?

TIA

OP posts:
TheEffinOasis · 21/03/2011 16:36

I'm so shocked. Find the views he expressed repulsive but where he chose to express them doubly so.

YANBU and I would have a word with the head - perhaps not in the expectation of any particular action but more to make him/her aware of this parent's inappropriate behaviour on school premises. The head may be able to do something if there have been other complaints against him, not quite sure what though.

mrsnw · 21/03/2011 16:36

I would speak to the head.

Sparkletastic · 21/03/2011 16:36

Deffo report to head - -not sure about where you are but around these parts schools have a duty to report racist incidents that happen on the premises and address them as best they can. In this case the head may wish to speak to the parent(s) concerned as is totally unacceptable behaviour.

BeerTricksPotter · 21/03/2011 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nagoo · 21/03/2011 16:48

If you mentioned it, then they night be able to reiterate to him that it is not appropriate to use racist and offensive language in the playground.

If he threatened you then you need to mention it too.

I am so Angry that people think that these opinions are acceptable. well done you for standing up! I wouldn't worry about falling out with people who have these type of views. I always pick people up on this shit, and if they don't want to speak to me any more then it saves me the trouble of listening to their idiocy!

well done again.

Chaotica · 21/03/2011 16:51

Well done.

Report it - as the others have said.

JaxTellersOldLady · 21/03/2011 16:54

I would be on the phone to the Head NOW! I wouldnt be waiting until tomorrow.

The Dad was inappropriate to say the least and if he was threatening in his behaviour that is not on. Our school certainly wouldnt tolerate that.

YANBU good for you for standing up for yourself. Smile

FreudianSlippery · 21/03/2011 16:56

Wow. I think this may be the first AIBU I've seen where everyone agrees! And quite rightly so. Jeeeeeez what a horrible man. You are much braver than I would've been, well done!

TobyLerone · 21/03/2011 16:57

What a fuckwit. YANBU.

StewieGriffinsMom · 21/03/2011 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrendelsMum · 21/03/2011 16:59

Well done you.

bupcakesandcunting · 21/03/2011 17:09

Well done for standing up to the racist prick. He should be ashamed of himself.

heliumballoons · 21/03/2011 17:12

We had a parent banned from school for saying similar and telling the head he can say what he likes, especially as others felt intimidated by him.

YANBU

LaurieFairyCake · 21/03/2011 17:15

There's always some twat who doesnt want their children learning about religion and preventing them going on trips

Oh wait, there will be some on mumsnet Hmm

FreudianSlippery · 21/03/2011 17:16

You had him banned, helium?! Wow that's impressive how did it work though? Was he just not allowed on the premises at all?

TysonNobdie86 · 21/03/2011 17:20

Yes report him to the Head, good on you for sticking up for your beliefs, and fancy no-one coming to your aid Hmm

bellaella16 · 21/03/2011 17:44

boys.ears you're a total star for doing this.

Yes, do report it to the head, especially as his DW is an'it mum', all the more necessary to raise the tone! :)

bellaella16 · 21/03/2011 17:44

boys.ears you're a total star for doing this.

Yes, do report it to the head, especially as his DW is an'it mum', all the more necessary to raise the tone! :)

jugglingjo · 21/03/2011 17:50

Think you should talk to the head, especially when he became aggressive in his manner towards you. Good luck !

maxpower · 21/03/2011 17:55

I'd second calling the police

Original poster
boyscomingoutofmyears · 21/03/2011 18:39

Thanks everyone, sorry I disappeared but had a doctors appt. My only juggle about talking to the head is that given the mind playground status (i hate all that bloody stuff!) I'm worried my DS will be left out of parties/playdates etc when he's just started being invited to these things. I highly doubt the other mums will risk upsetting her by associating with me.

I don't care what they think of me at all but really don't want DS having a hard time at school. You lot have convinced me I should talk to the head though. I might be a wimp and just tell him I don't want any action taken but just for him to keep an eye on the situation.

OP posts:
confuddledDOTcom · 21/03/2011 22:51

They won't have to necessarily know it's you. The head should protect your confidentiality in this. At my HA if a delicate complaint is made it's usually a member of staff that saw/ heard it so that the resident involved isn't automatically suspected. It wouldn't be that hard by the sounds of things for them to do that.

Marlinspike · 21/03/2011 22:57

Well done for standing up to this bigot! I think you should mention it to the Head - I am sure he would want to know what claptrap his pupils may be being subjected to at home (as he probably already does, seeing the letter that has gone out).

Blu · 21/03/2011 23:06

What a shame his dd will possibly grow up as hopelessly ignorant as he is: v v few Sikhs these days are from Pakistan, for starters!!

The Head should definitely know about intimidating and racist behaviour.

Sorry you feel uncomfortable - hardly surprising, but you did the right thing, and you are stroger thn him and his frightened pathetic ways.

firsttimemum77 · 21/03/2011 23:07

What a freaking prick this parent is!
Does he even know what a Gurdwara is?
Does he even know (I expect not as most racist people are ignorant twunts anyway) that 'pakistanis' don't go to a Gurdwara as 'pakistanis' are not Sikhs! Not that that is the point here but still shows what a sap he is!
I feel bloody sorry for his child! Having to be bought up by an ignorant idiot parent! What chance has that child got!

If I was you I would report it. Surely not all the parents at that school hold such racist views? That they would exclude your DC from parties etc.. I hope not, anyway!

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