to feel all my efforts at being a good mum were wasted....

[bobbyshaftosgirl]

Feel really weird today, SIL been round, she is totally chilled parent and actually probably a better mum than me even tho I've always frowned on everything she's ever done.

My DS is 1, hers is 2 months. I had EMCS and struggled to breast feed but persevered through the agony and have only just stopped coz I'm back at work. She went straight to bottle. I use cloth nappies, she doesn't. I limit the amount of TV DS watches, she sticks hers in front of TV all day. I won't let DS have biscuits etc., she's already talking about weaning with rusks, I saved up for ages so I could take a full year off work and took DS to loads of baby groups, she is going back to work in 2 weeks and putting him in nursery.

I know I'm a complete judgey pants and deserve a flaming but really am feeling that there is no benefit to anything that I've done, we are all different and that there is no right way to parent. My nephew is such a contented happy little chap, and mine is very clingy and if I'm honest a nightmare 'a challenge' sometimes. And now I've realised that, then I've also realised that I've wasted much time and energy getting stressed about conforming to all the things 'the books' say.

Needless to say my DS is a PFB? I'll probably let the next one juggle knives and live wild in the garden...

Anyway, back to the question, AIBU to feel all my efforts were a waste of time?

I'm with chunkythighs to a degree - ops sil's child is 2 mths - how can you begin to compare. And she was seriously judging SIl until called on it and had to provide mitigating circumstances. She's get a lot more support about feeling unconfident at times (sure we've all been there) without having to bitch about SIL's poor parenting - which is what she did but sneakily.

I agree with Chunkythighs. Rusk, disposable nappies, TV (how can a 2 month old watch TV) and FF, judgy judgy judgy, not like the martyr that is the brestfeeder, cloth nappy doing (add 10 points) no TV watching OP.

Do things your way, don't worry about how others parent. Your DS will be fine, all 1 year olds are clingy and i'm sure it's not anything you have done. Your nephew will also be fine because ultimately they all are if they have loving parents, regardless of the type of nappy the had.

And gooodnight

I did all that barr the rusk and I sense no gnuine judgementalism, just shock that something the OP has slogged her guts out to avoid has appeared to not be at all harmful

Without the risk of being Cliche'd .........anything done with love and a smile on your face will never go wasted.
Another thing to remember, as many have already mentioned earlier, is to be RELAXED cann't emphasise enough.
One more important thing is Never Ever compare yourself. Yes do check from time to time, if you can improve ....... once again do it with a smile and love, kids are very sensitive to how we feel and can easily pick up the vibes of stress.
Good luck and Enjoy the Experience.

OP it's a great lesson to learn early in your parenting journey: not everything we do has the desired effect upon our DC.

Just do your best, what you think is right.

Sorry Chunky we can't all be perfect, I have recognised a weakness in myself by the way I have judged SIL and will do something about it. She doesn't know I feel like this by the way, and yes I do remember what its like to have an 8 week old, in fact for me I was still recovering from the section, feeding all day and all night and doing well to have a shower. So yes I am envious that she's taken to it so quickly, seems to be having a much easier time than I had and is doing a really good job judging by DNephews contendedness - makes me feel a bit short changed though, sorry, I'm only human. Oh and fastedwina - don't know how you can say I claimed mitigating circumstances when my original post admitted I was being judgy.
Thank you to everyone who has posted constructive comments though, hopefully it will be onwards and upwards from here on in, chilled parenthood here I come!

you are your own worst critic - like me. yes there isn't a correct way to parent but i do think reflective parenting is THE best way forward. It's always good to think how we parents can do things better.

you are doing wonderfully by the way. the clingyness is just a normal developmental stage. all that time and attention you have lavished on your baby will show in the future. The breastfeeding, healthy diet and limited screen time are all proven to be beneficial in the long term too.