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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at my work colleague

33 replies

cookielove · 19/03/2011 17:46

I work in a nursery, as a nursery officer, but as part of my extra duties by choice i am one of two event co-ordinators, we organize charity events, fund raisers, and work things.

Last year the other event co-ordinator decided she did not want to after having to deal with angry colleagues who felt she did not share out the money fairly after a fundraising event. This event i didn't take part in, she took over barely consulted me she tells me she did ask me a few questions to begin with but when i didn't reply straight away (due to being short staffed, and having a challenging group of children) she just took over, and refused any help. Ok fine if thats what she wants to do.

So now she pulls me aside, is upset with all the angry words said and says she doesn't want to do it anymore, ok fine i take the lead, i have planned everything by myself for the past year or so, so i begin to get stuff ignored for this years fundraiser, she keeps giving me funny looks (jealous maybe, i don't know) she pulls me aside and tells me she wants to help, she actually said if she can't help, she'll kill me Hmm

Ok so i let her help, tell her you can sort out the poster, oh no thats not enough she wants to take over, she wants to lead the event Shock

I told her i am more than happy for her to help but this year i want to put my stamp on it, i asked if she could show me the letter she used but she never got round to it, so i wrote my own then felt put out because i didn't use hers, so i mixed the two together, i put only my name at the bottom, she wanted hers to, so added her, and then she wanted hers first, i said no. I want to receive the letters, i know it sounds silly, but i like the fun-ness of not knowing what free stuff we might get e.t.c But she wants that to, because she did it last year people know her name and may respond better to her (this maybe true, but hey ho, i am not changing it).

So aibu to be annoyed at her?

OP posts:
clam · 19/03/2011 17:56

How old are you? Six?

slartybartfast · 19/03/2011 17:59

do the pair of you have a manager you can thrash this out with.
it sounds very petty but obviously needs sorting.
or your heads banged together.

Original poster
cookielove · 19/03/2011 18:03

I know it sounds petty, i know i am being petty, i am sure i said that at some point.

We do have a manager, but there is no point it will only get sorted by me letting her take over.

OP posts:
HecateTheCrone · 19/03/2011 18:04

"Last year the other event co-ordinator decided she did not want to after having to deal with angry colleagues who felt she did not share out the money fairly after a fundraising event."

share out the money with who?

eviscerateyourmemory · 19/03/2011 18:05

What do you think would be the best outcome for the nursery?

clam · 19/03/2011 18:09

"this year i want to put my stamp on it, i asked if she could show me the letter she used but she never got round to it, so i wrote my own then felt put out because i didn't use hers, so i mixed the two together, i put only my name at the bottom, she wanted hers to, so added her, and then she wanted hers first, i said no. I want to receive the letters...."

Too right it sounds petty!

Original poster
cookielove · 19/03/2011 18:11

Hecate - all the staff worked the fundraiser so we decided that the fairer thing to do would to be split the money evenly between the rooms, however this didn't happen, two rooms mainly got very little and it were angry that her room seemed to benefit from it, when no one elses did. In a staff meeting it all came out and she got defensive then when quiet and refused to answer anyone. Later that week she pulled me aside and told me she was done, and didn't want to do it anymore.

I think that we should work together as a team, but one of us should take lead, and i think that should be me, as people want it to be different this time, and i don't think they trust her to be fair.

OP posts:
Original poster
cookielove · 19/03/2011 18:12

Yes, Clam i am being petty

OP posts:
slartybartfast · 19/03/2011 18:13

i think it is probably fair enough to put both your names.

TotemPole · 19/03/2011 18:13

share out the money with who?

I wondered that too.

If you're raising for a charity then it goes to the charity.

If it's a fundraiser for the nursery then the reason for fundraising would be known before the event, so that's the equipment/department the money should go to.Confused

TotemPole · 19/03/2011 18:15

all the staff worked the fundraiser so we decided that the fairer thing to do would to be split the money evenly between the rooms, however this didn't happen, two rooms mainly got very little and it were angry that her room seemed to benefit from it, when no one elses did.

The manager should have stepped in at that point. If you'd decided beforehand then that's how it should have been split.

eviscerateyourmemory · 19/03/2011 18:17

Cookielove

If it is obvious to you that you are being petty, it will probably also be obvious to everyone that you work with.

The focus on who gets to put their name on the letters and open the parcels seems to me to be missing the point a bit. Who is going to do the best job of fundraising? There are things in your OP that make it seem as if you think that would be your colleague? Would it therefore be better for the nursery to hand it back to her, but with an agreement about the way that the raised funds wil be used?

Original poster
cookielove · 19/03/2011 18:30

Yes the money was being raised for the nursery, for a specific type of toy for all rooms, the rooms could pick what they wanted.

The manager was only temp at that point, and had not settled in, by the time she was informed and receiving anger from other colleagues the money was gone. This time round it has already been decided that our manager will take the money and split it fairly.

I've spoken to the manager several times about all different events, and have a good relationship with her, where as my other work colleague resents that she has to talk to the manager about things and ask her permission first, so she doesn't and then just does as she pleases.

Yes i am being petty, but she is also being petty, so basically i should just let her get on with again is what your saying eviscerateyourmemory

OP posts:
MorticiaAddams · 19/03/2011 18:33

It doesn't sound as though the two of you can work together compatibly as you both seem to want full control.

Do you have a committee for events or do just the two of you work together. If you have a committee then they should all agree beforehand how the money raised is to be spent and then one person takes the lead and others offer to help on specific areas.

You two obviously can't share nicely so will need to learn to take turns!

eviscerateyourmemory · 19/03/2011 18:35

No, Im not saying that. Im saying that I think the focus should be on who would do the best job for the nursery.
There were things in your OP that made it seem that you thought she might be the better person to take the lead.

Original poster
cookielove · 19/03/2011 18:38

Actually we are working together, because as much as it annoys me she wants to take back full control, i wouldn't say it to her face. So we get on fine.

What tends to happen is the co-ordinator asks everyone what charities they want to do e.t.c and then the co-ordiator organises it. So this year we did red nose day, and yummy mummy, and japan and next year we are going to charities closer to home. Have asked everyone to have a think and if they don't care i'll pick some.

OP posts:
Original poster
cookielove · 19/03/2011 18:39

so i have no right to be annoyed at all then?

OP posts:
MaisyMooCow · 19/03/2011 18:41

Perhaps during the next staff meeting you should bring up the subject of fundraising and decide there and then who should be Project Manager for each forthcoming event......a bit like 'The Apprentice' but without the bitching.
At least that way you each know your role from the start and have defined tasks so there will be no treading on toes and trying to claim each other's glory. It's about fundraising in the end, raising money is difficult enough without the added problems of bickering between staff.

Good luck, I hope you get it sorted. :)

eviscerateyourmemory · 19/03/2011 18:44

I think that you are focusing on the wrong issues. You may be annoyed, but I think it would be more effective to try to rise above it by trying to do as good a job as you can with this, which would hopefully mean that the question over who was leading would be a non-issue.

In concentrating on who gets the letters rather than who does the best job you are, IMO, missing the point a bit.

Original poster
cookielove · 19/03/2011 18:46

Thanks MaisymooCow Smile it is basically sorted now any way, were going to do it together, i was just annoyed, that first she asked to help then wanted to take over, thats it put rather simply.

OP posts:
misereremeu · 19/03/2011 18:54

I don't think this is petty. She is constantly moving the goalposts and dragging you around. First she says she wants nothing to do with it, then gets jealous that you're getting on with it, then doesn't support you in it, then tussles with you over it, then wants to take over. Make up your mind lovey! She sounds a bit of a pain tbh. I do hate it when roles are indistinct - either she's doing it or she isn't. If you're doing it she needs to support you eg find that letter template when you asked for it.

Original poster
cookielove · 19/03/2011 18:58

Ahhh thank you misereremeu, glad i am not the only one. Smile

OP posts:
misereremeu · 19/03/2011 19:25

Glad to be of service cookie Wink

cumfy · 19/03/2011 21:11

Do you get people to just donate toys ?

No-one would need to die then.Hmm

HecateTheCrone · 19/03/2011 21:20

tbh, your manager is at fault here. To allow two members of her team to be fighting in such a silly way shows poor leadership.

What matters? that the events get organised and the nursery / charities benefit, or that one of you 'wins'?

Just let her do it. Walk away. You'll look like the better person.

And raise it with the manager. In a meeting. Have a written procedure for fundraising, down to who does what.

It's all very unprofessional, if you ask me.

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