To think that police policy of calling SS after three calls is contributing directly to people remaining in abusive situations?

[Springblumen]

And also those who say you have nothing to fear from SS have never actually had any dealings with them?

I know of more than one woman who has remained being knocked about because of the fear of SS involvement.

I don't know what the answer is but it is a shocking state of affairs when a public service is viewed with such fear and suspicion that it is actually contributing to higher levels of domestic abuse.

I think it should be once not 3. If anything has to be learned from the horrific child abuse cases of the past its that its better to be over cautious, surely!

Have they changed things though, when i was an outreach worker Im sure police automatically reported if a child was in the house?

altinkum, that's the theory. So why are Shiny's family still living with an abuser?

If you've had to call three times then, surely, you're already "staying in an abusive relationship"?

If he is hitting her, she has the option to have him prosecuted, doesn't she? if she does that, then surely as his bail conditions he would not be allowed to return to the family home? Surely a court would intervene if she went down that route?

And which council would say that a woman fleeing domestic violence is making herself intentionally homeless? That needs sorting because that is DISGUSTING!

And it also shows another clear need - refuges or safe places for women with older children, specifically boys. I cannot believe that women with teenage boys cannot get help from refuges. That is wrong.

• I don't mean I don't believe it, btw, I mean it beggers belief!

My problem is that if the woman is the victim of DV, and there are DC involved, why should she relinquish her home, if she is the main childcarer? Why should she up sticks and move? She may have spent many years building a home, have friends in the area, a support network, as her DC may have?
The idea of moving when you are already that low must seem daunting to say the least for a lot of women.
If the perpetrator were moved on and injunctions were more effective, then surely that's better all round, unless the woman would prefer to uproot her family and that has to be an individual choice.

Why should she?

To get away from the abuse.

In an ideal world, nobody would be hit!

But best of a bad situation would see the abuser move.

But if they don't - what matters more?

A house. Stuff. Things.

Or not being beaten?

Now, it may be just me, but stuff is stuff. a house is a house.

It is not more important than a life free from being kicked around the kitchen.

There really needs to be a hell of a lot more help and support for people in this situation. Including carting the abuser off to jail!

Hecate I think my own experience has coloured my opinion somewhat.
I waited on a social housing waiting list for a very long time to be offered my HA house. I love my house, it's in a lovely area, I moved in when my eldest was 2.5yrs old, and I was single until I met my XP when my eldest was 13.5yrs old.

After 4.5 years of abuse, I had had enough, XP had been abusive on every level, and throughout the whole time he was living at mine, he had gambled away most of his earnings, claiming he hadn't been paid (admitted this later but I long suspected with no proof). I worked my socks off to pay for everything, while XP ran up debts left right and centre. He ran up an £800 phone bill over one weekend I was working, and that's just one example.
He didn't pay for very much at all. I almost lost my home, because stupidly I trusted him to pay the rent at the PO up the road, and unbeknown to me, until the landlord wrote 3 months later XP had pocketed every penny.
He had no rights to remain in my home, he was there purely as an 'invitation to stay' and when I attempted to revoke that invitation, the police told me that he was as entitled to live there as I was because he had already been there for 2+ years.
I took the police at their word and XP refused to move out.
It took a long time to get him out, and I was left with a postponement of possession order on my home, and at least £11000 of debt.

He had nowhere else to go unsurprisingly and I even had his family telling me a load of bollocks that XP was perfectly entitled to evict me from my home and live there himself, whilst keeping all the bills in my name, so I'd have to continue paying for everything while he sat pretty in my home and that was what they believed he should do if I were to insist on throwing him out.
There was no way on Gods green earth I was going to go and leave my home, which when I moved in, XP had only just started secondary school, when it is my tenancy and legally he had no right to live here without my permission anyway.
Been free of XP for 2 years now, and am glad I stayed in my home.
XP is now living with another g/f who thinks he is Mr wonderful.

Sorry for the long post, but each situation needs to be judged on its individual merits (not saying you wouldn't judge individually, just making the point for the sake of it ), I was perfectly entitled to escape the abuse and retain my home and I did, but I agree that it is far more complicated for many other people.

What is the alternative? Violence in the home is emotional abuse to the children who live there. The police need to uphold the law and inform SS so that the children have an advocate. The children need to be the priority. Here (Alberta, Canada) SS gets EVERY police report that deals with domestic violence and if the children were present SS will call with at least a warning and information for mom on options, counselling, services in her area that she can access etc. I know that women are victims as such but they are also adults with a choice and the kids are not.

SS wouldn't take the children away unless mom is refusing to take action to address the situation and protect the kids. She can leave, get a restraining order, go to a shelter, police can remove the abuser in many cases or the parents can make alternate arrangements for the children. SS wants parents to make their own plans to resolve issues - if they don't then of course they have no choice but to step in and insist on a plan they have devised.

I think the fear stems from some women thinking that ONE call will be enough to have SS knocking. SS and the police need to do an advertising campaign...to educate people.

you have nothing to fear from ss ... going to a and e or the gp once is enough to get ss involvement. they are very helpful and one of the things that haas helped me not have h back. calling the police is much more scary. ss usually are not in the business of taking children away unnecessarily.

It's a real eye-opener reading this thread and seeing different sorts of opinions from different places.

I agree that SS are painted to be the big beast, when really they aren't. Yes they are powerful but at their core they are there to protect children and help adults.

The real damage is being done by witnessing DV or being around domestic abuse in any form.

The low amount of convictions for DV is something I think puts people off reporting it and taking it to court.

my children would not have been better without me

but becasue my husband died they were like vultures waiting for the right opening for them to demand that they take my children

bastards

Are you sure conviction rates are low ? I know of at least two cases where women haven't got their own way so called the police, who carted off the DP, put him in a cell over night and then secured a conviction for harassment. All because she wanted a night out and he wouldn't babysit.
I think if women pick the phone up to the police they take it very seriously, they can't afford not to.

they do take it seriously but they shouldn't always

its a fucking shame but I know lots of women who use the police as the saviour when their little games go wrong and instead of fucking with men they are in trouble and need the police to help them

its not fair, they should be able to take care of themselves unless somone is nasty and out to ge them

ykwim dont ask for weirdos

From what I've heard on mumsnet I'd rather take a few slaps than risk a visit from SS, but then I know at least one SW who helped a woman who's husband had attempted to kill her, she took him back whilst he stood trial etc and there was never any question of the child being taken by anyone, they are still together, maybe because the boy was in his teens.

"there is always somewhere to go, even a refuge"

Are you actually serious with this statement? Where are all these available safe places to which women can flee DV?

Let me assure you, they are not in Glasgow.