Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to wonder why I am not liked

50 replies

flossielossie · 18/03/2011 20:55

I work in a small office. 4 other members of staff. We all get on well at work. Nice little team, no bitching that I have witnessed, seem to have lots in common etc.

Anyway 2 of the women are same age - mid 20s - so 10 years younger than me and best friends in and out of work. I have no problem with that.

But it seems that they have occassional nights out that I am not invited to and all 4 of the others go to.

Like last night they went out for St Patricks day. I knew it was happening due to lots of whispering. But I dont understand why they did not invite me. TBH no way I could have gone - with 3 kids - but why not include me?

I know this sounds like I am in the playground - but it is really upseting me.

OP posts:

DollyTwat · 18/03/2011 20:58

Maybe they know you probably can't come out so dint want to make you feel bad? Otherwise I think you may have to just ask the person you feel friendliest with. It's not nice to be left out, sometimes people don't do it on purpose though.

Georgimama · 18/03/2011 20:58

Are they all younger than you? Perhaps they have assumed you wouldn't be able to come out with them anyway - you've said yourself you wouldn't be able to so it's a fair enough assumption.

Why is this upsetting you so much? It's work - sometimes you make friends for life at work and sometimes you rub along indifferently. Do you have any friends of your own?

FourFortyFour · 18/03/2011 21:00

Maybe they think you wouldn't have anything in common as you have children and presumably they don't? I doubt it is personal. If you want to go out in a night out why don't you invite them to do something?

slartybartfast · 18/03/2011 21:00

have you been there long?

frantic51 · 18/03/2011 21:00

Don't think YABU. It is hurtful to be the only one not invited when you are such a small team and all seem to get on well in the work place. Is there any other team member you could ask quietly about this?

LisaD1 · 18/03/2011 21:01

Agree with Dolly, maybe they knew you wouldn't go and thought it easier not to invite you?

Or are you like me and come over as anti-social? I have a great working relationship with my colleagues, we often lunch together and have coffee/a good laugh but they all know I am an anti-social old fart who just wants to get home to my DH/DC and very rarely can be arsed to go out. They no longer bother to ask me, if they're doing something that I fancy I just ask if they mind if I go, they never do and I rarely go anyway.

Are you like this? or do you give off this kind of vibe?

missmehalia · 18/03/2011 21:06

It's hard, but I'd kind of ignor this occasion. Are you confident enough to suggest a whole-office lunch out some Friday, saying you'd love to socialise with people more after work, but it's difficult with 3 DCs?

I'd understand if you'd rather lick your wounds for a bit, though. I went to uni as a mature student, and had similar feelings when lots of the others (much, much younger) socialised. To be fair, they did invite me sometimes, but I think for me it was a reminder that I'm older than I felt inside

There are things you could initiate to show you're interested in socialising, but depends if it matters enough to you to do it. Sounds like you might have a nice life in other ways...

Original poster

flossielossie · 18/03/2011 21:08

I have been in team 1 year. All the others worked together between 2.5 and 4 years. So I am the newest.

There ages are 27,29, 29 and 35 - I am 40. so yes all younger than me - but still I am just dont get why they just did not say - we're off out tonight -do u fancy it?

Seems the thought of a me joining them on a night out is so awful they cant risk me knowing.

No I am not anti social

OP posts:

Georgimama · 18/03/2011 21:10

But you aren't going to go with them if they do ask, you said so yourself. So yes, it does sound a bit playground.

Sorry.

DollyTwat · 18/03/2011 21:11

It might be, if they are quite young, that they're planning on doing s

DollyTwat · 18/03/2011 21:12

(sorry iPhone posted too soon)
....Doing some drugs and think you wouldn't approve?

Original poster

flossielossie · 18/03/2011 21:13

Not on a mid week night out but i would love to go out on the odd friday -

OP posts:

slartybartfast · 18/03/2011 21:13

can yo just bite the bullet and say, i would like to come next time you have a night out?

are you the only one, with dc? assuming you have dc

Georgimama · 18/03/2011 21:14

Then stop being such a wallflower and suggest it to them.

MissVerinder · 18/03/2011 21:15

YANBTU, it is a little bit hurtful- mostly perhaps that they're wispering about it. If you know they've been out, why not ask them if they've had a good time- to let them know they don't have to whisper about it (then if they talk about it openly next time- invite yourself along!)

Skinit · 18/03/2011 21:16

They're not exactly spring chickens are they? no...if they were 23 or so I would understand them not asking you...but they're being mean!

It's exclusion which is bullying.

Original poster

flossielossie · 18/03/2011 21:16

They wont be doing drugs - i am sure of that - and even they were i am not the type to dit in judgement and I know they know that.

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 18/03/2011 21:18

whispering about it is just shit. They are old enough to behave better.

Original poster

flossielossie · 18/03/2011 21:19

No one of the others- 35 yr old has kids.

Miss Verinder - i did exactly that today - I asked if they had a good st pats night. Sort of to make it clear that I knew it had happened.

OP posts:

DollyTwat · 18/03/2011 21:19

I think you need to arrange it then

Georgimama · 18/03/2011 21:20

It's hardly bullying for goodness sake. You don't have to be friends with everyone at work.

Original poster

flossielossie · 18/03/2011 21:21

I just dont get it though - as normally i get on with people - in fact feel like i get on with them.

I feel or used to before this knocked my confidence that i am reasonablecomapny. I dont think i am over bearing and it would be so bad to have me there i would ruin their night,

OP posts:

Original poster

flossielossie · 18/03/2011 21:22

No it is not bullying as they are not over me in anyway or un spportive at work. It seems they just dont like me. Suppose i just have to accept that.

OP posts:

Cymar · 18/03/2011 21:25

Don't worry about it Flossie. ATM, DH is out at his mates house and I'm in the house with the kids. BUT, do you know what, I'm gonna be totally cruel tomorrow and have fun with the kids jumping on DH when he's feeling delicate (poor flower.....NOT). Yes, my secret and most effective weapons in the house are the kids and they're fab at teaching DH a lesson about avoiding hangovers.

Oh, I'm a bad girl .

LyraSilvertongue · 18/03/2011 21:29

YANBU. Being left out of things doesn't stop being hurtful just because you're not a schoolkid anymore. Especially considering the nasty whispering-behind-your-back way your colleagues are going about it.

Flip

1 2