to not behave like female authors think women behave?

[BalloonSlayer]

I don't think I have ever:

• bought a pair of expensive shoes in the wrong size that I can't afford "because they are so fabulous."

• sneered at someone for not wearing the right designer label. Or been sneered at, come to that.

• eaten a whole tub of ice cream in one evening

• woken up in bed with a complete stranger

• spent all day getting ready for a date

• tried on every outfit I own before going out, leaving every item of clothing draped around the bedroom (sub clause: then wearing the first thing I tried on)

• obsessed about whether a man would ring me or not

• given genuine thought about on which date I should sleep with a man, rather than letting my horniness or lasck thereof decide for me.

• spent a whole day in bed on my own wallowing in dating-related misery.

• pretended to be sick to get a day off work

Am I U?
Or lucky?
Or boring?

All three?

(BTW Yes I have been badly dumped and was very upset about it at the time)

Oh and I should add that apart from trying on lots of outfits and having hangovers I've pretty much given up all of the above since my early 20s!

I used to like Marian Keyes - loved Watermelon - but not read her for years.

I love Dorothy Koomson - she is ace!

I've done numbers three and seven more than once

And I've only once done number ten but I have certainly stayed home with sniffles on occasions when I could have worked.

But I agree with your general point. I hate the way that obsession with shoes, in particular, has become cultural shorthand for 'the kind of things that women care about'.

And on the 'female authors' point, I agree with others that there are better female authors out there to read, but I do find it particularly irksome when women (artists and consumers of art) celebrate and perpetuate this shallow, indulgent, self-centred stereotype of the rest of us.

"obsessed about whether a man would ring me or not - yes and I think any woman who hasn't is either lying or married to their childhood sweetheart"

Neither a lier or married to childhood sweetheart...just rang them if I could be arsed wanted to go any further with the relationship.

Actually, I do like Marian Keyes. You're right, she is good chick-lit and I love her characters.

I also like Gemma Burgess - she's only written two books so far but they're very funny and rather more true-to-life (for me) than a lot of other authors.

I've pulled a sickie and eaten a whole tub of ice cream in a day. It may have been on the same day, actually.

Or in fact in ways that male authors think they do:

1. Orgasm from 2 seconds of digital stimulation, or slightly longer of full intercourse.

Hmm let's see...I have done several of these!

bought a pair of expensive shoes in the wrong size that I can't afford "because they are so fabulous." - No, not done that one!

sneered at someone for not wearing the right designer label. Or been sneered at, come to that.- No

eaten a whole tub of ice cream in one evening - Yep, Ben & Jerrys Cookie Dough..definitely a few times I've made it through a whole one.

woken up in bed with a complete stranger - Yes

spent all day getting ready for a date - Yes, a few times! but to be fair that included hairdressers, nails etc.

tried on every outfit I own before going out, leaving every item of clothing draped around the bedroom (sub clause: then wearing the first thing I tried on) - Yes, have done this!

obsessed about whether a man would ring me or not - yes!

given genuine thought about on which date I should sleep with a man, rather than letting my horniness or lasck thereof decide for me. - Yes

Spent all day in bed wallowing in dating-related misery - Yes, along with the aforementioned Ben & Jerrys!

pretended to be sick to get a day off work - yes!

I am 23 btw!

Stop reading chick lit, balloon.

There is no single group of 'women authors'.

I have done 3.5 of them

OK I will confess. Mine are the trying on every outfit I own (I can still do that now, including first thing in the morning before going to work)

and the one about obsessing about whether a man would ring me or not - sadly self esteem not high enough in my twenties to avoid it

I have done all but 3 of these.

takeresponsibility you're a much braver woman than me, but then I have a rather weird aversion to using the phone generally and have been known to break out in a cold sweat if I have to call for a taxi

I have a gay best friend

Oh LeQueen I can now spend the rest of the afternoon daydreaming about the rural artisan bakery and sexy vet/artist. Lovely.

"Stop reading chick lit, balloon.

There is no single group of 'women authors'."

Yes I do know, pointy. I don't just read one sort of book. I'm kind of trying to be lighthearted here.

There is a certain stereotype of female character in popular fiction, usually written by female authors (I expect a male one wouldn't dare ), that presumably strikes a chord of recognition with a lot of readers, hence the popularity of that type of book.

I do not recognise myself in it. But is that indeed the point? - that I can feel better about myself simply because I have never rolled around the floor fighting with another woman over a pair of leopard print Jimmy Choos, won the fight by pulling a handful of hair from her scalp, discovered that the shoes are a size too small, and then bought them anyway.

Erm, LeQueen is that last bit a real book? Because if it is, I'd like to read it If it's not, then please write it!

I have:

• bought a pair of boots in the wrong size because they were half price and I loved them so much, then spent a year of semi-agonised raving bending them to my will

• been sneered at for being a complete scruff

• eaten a whole tub of ice cream in one evening

• woken up in bed with a relative stranger

• spent all day getting ready for a night out clubbing

• tried on every outfit I own before going out, leaving every item of clothing draped around the bedroom (sub clause: then wearing the first thing I tried on), but only to go out clubbing

• spent a whole day in bed with a friend wallowing in teenage misery.

• pretended to be sick to get a day off work, many many times

Do I qualify as female?

• bought a pair of expensive shoes in the wrong size that I can't afford "because they are so fabulous."

No. Mainly because I have giant feet and they don't do pricey shoes in my size.

• sneered at someone for not wearing the right designer label. Or been sneered at, come to that.

No

• eaten a whole tub of ice cream in one evening

Often.

• woken up in bed with a complete stranger

Yes. But only as a teenager when 8 people sleept in a room with twin doubles. No naughtiness.

• spent all day getting ready for a date

Yes for a night out where I knew someone I liked was going to be there. Again as a teen.

• tried on every outfit I own before going out, leaving every item of clothing draped around the bedroom (sub clause: then wearing the first thing I tried on)

On a weekly basis

• obsessed about whether a man would ring me or not

Yes, as a teen.

• given genuine thought about on which date I should sleep with a man, rather than letting my horniness or lasck thereof decide for me.

Nope

• spent a whole day in bed on my own wallowing in dating-related misery.

Nope

• pretended to be sick to get a day off work

Yes. But when I've been horribly ill I tend to force myself to go in, so it balances out.

• bought a pair of expensive shoes in the wrong size that I can't afford "because they are so fabulous." - NOPE

• sneered at someone for not wearing the right designer label. Or been sneered at, come to that. I can't tell the difference between Prada and Asda so no

• eaten a whole tub of ice cream in one evening - unless you mean those little ones you get at the interval in the theatre then no

• woken up in bed with a complete stranger no

• spent all day getting ready for a date no

• tried on every outfit I own before going out, leaving every item of clothing draped around the bedroom (sub clause: then wearing the first thing I tried on) surely everyone has done this? Not even as a teenager OP?

• obsessed about whether a man would ring me or not yes

• given genuine thought about on which date I should sleep with a man, rather than letting my horniness or lasck thereof decide for me. no

• spent a whole day in bed on my own wallowing in dating-related misery. kinda

• pretended to be sick to get a day off work does being off sick because of a hangover count I was much younger and more unprofessional then)

I know you're not being serious, loon.

It's like Bridget Jones. All these women saying how great it was and how similar to parts of their lives and I'd think, oh heck no. All the nobbish friends eating the blue string meal.

I've done the every item of clothes in the wardrobe thing, all the bloody time.

But I wouldn't take clothes advice from any of my gay friends; the female ones have dress-sense that tends towards the outré, and the male ones are, surprisingly enough, not actually very interested in female clothing.