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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is he??

31 replies

Bluemoonrising · 18/03/2011 15:07

I have had a couple of dates with someone from Match.com.

Nothing heavy, but we seemed to be getting on good, we had chatted loads on Facebook before we met.

After the first date, he texted to say 'do you like flowers'

I said 'why?'

'Just wondering'

I replied 'I don't want you spending any money on me, so I'm not going to answer'

All seemed fine. On the last date he brought it up again. I again reiterated that I didn't want him spending money on me, lunch was enough.

I left for work.

He then texted 'Don't worry, it won't be an expensive bunch'.

So I replied 'I've told you already, I really wish you would pay attention to what I said'.

Since then he has not been in touch. At all. This was a week ago, and we were chatting/texting most days.

WIBU to not want him buying me flowers? My reasoning (which he didn't ask for) is that a) it's very early days and b) I really need to get to know him better before I know if there is any chance of romance. Every boyfriend I have had has been a friend first before a boyfriend.

(I have learned the lesson from this that dating sites are not for me)

So - WIBU to not want him to buy me flowers, or is he, for not listening?

OP posts:
MorticiaAddams · 18/03/2011 15:18

YANBU.

He shouldn't have asked if he didn't want to know the answer. I also think it's quite a weird thing to ask, why not just buy them if you want to do something nice.

AMumInScotland · 18/03/2011 15:18

I'd say it's more that the two of you just don't suit each other, rather than being anyone's fault. You know what you want, and how you want to approach this relationship. He knows how he wants to approach it. The two aren't very compatible.

onlion · 18/03/2011 15:20

Id say you over reacted and could have been a bit more gracious. He just wanted to buy flowers

4FoxAche · 18/03/2011 15:22

I agree with onlion

It's only flowers, Not like it's a bloody diamond necklace is it.

SenoritaViva · 18/03/2011 15:25

I would have clarified it for him as you have for us. Like 'well yes, I do love them when they time is right. I think it's a bit early for us for flowers to be sent'.

As others have said, I think it was more that you were a bit mis matched.

Don't give up entirely on internet sites just from this experience. I know of a few successes (one just got married).

But two pieces of advice, make it clear you want to make friends first (maybe you did this already?). Secondly, unless you are dating, or have agreed just friends definitely don't befriend them on facebook. It's your choice but I would feel that was too much of my personal space for such a new relationship.

apples82 · 18/03/2011 15:29

I'd say it was probably your tone. That text reply you sent does seem a little harsh, rather than a cutesy reply etc.

squeakytoy · 18/03/2011 15:31

'I've told you already, I really wish you would pay attention to what I said'

And you are really wondering WHY he hasnt been back in touch... Confused

cantspel · 18/03/2011 15:31

If you really said

I really wish you would pay attention to what I said'.

then i can fully understand why he has given up on you. You are talking to him like he is a child in the classroom.

deliakate · 18/03/2011 15:33

I think YABU. Poor guy!

GelflinGirl · 18/03/2011 15:34

YABU it was a bunch of flowers, not an engagment ring Grin

madonnawhore · 18/03/2011 15:36

If he wanted to buy you flowers he should have just done it. Asking you first has a weird subtext: "I want you to know that I am thinking about buying you flowers but I'm too much of a pussy to just go ahead and make the gesture without checking with you first and even after I've told you about it and ignored your response, I will add that I actually wasn't going to spend very much money on them so you should infer from this that a) I am tight, b) I am a coward, c) I don't care what you say".

YANBU.

lubeybooby · 18/03/2011 15:41

YABU it's only flowers and what you said to him sounds well narky. You could have explained more gently. He obviously liked you and just wanted to do something nice.

OTheHugeManatee · 18/03/2011 15:41

YANBU to not want flowers, if you like him though YAB a bit U to be so sharp in a text message. I'm not surprised he hasn't been back in contact.

madonnawhore · 18/03/2011 15:53

Also, it's a bit unsophisticated of him to just ask you. If he really wanted to make a romantic gesture, it would have been subtler to try and find out whether you liked flowers during your next date. Or to find out what else you preferred to flowers instead. It all smacks of laziness and not very good pulling technique.

MaisyMooCow · 18/03/2011 15:56

It's only flowers, Not like it's a bloody diamond necklace is it.

...or a pearl one at that ! Grin

shesparkles · 18/03/2011 16:06

YABU, and a bit rude if you were as abrupt as your OP makes out

perfumedlife · 18/03/2011 16:08

He saw the future in those two naggy sentances, and ran for his life Grin

YABU

southmum · 18/03/2011 16:31

Wow!

YABU and ungrateful and weirdy. Who gets so het up and totally rude about someone wanting to buy a bunch of flowers ffs

Onetoomanycornettos · 18/03/2011 16:34

He was trying to create a bit of romance, you weren't interested/ready in that yet and told him in no uncertain terms. Obviously he wouldn't be your type, and you are clearly not his. And the text was really stroppy.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 18/03/2011 16:36

YABU - he was prob trying to be nice and you totally pissed on his chips...........no wonder he went running for the hills, he could see the future between you didnt bode well

madonnawhore · 18/03/2011 16:40

OP's text was a bit spiky, but I still think his romancing skills need a lot of work.

BluddyMoFo · 18/03/2011 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Laquitar · 18/03/2011 16:45

You have accepted him paying lunch but not flowers Grin

Tbh i wouldn't contact you either, i would think that you are hard work.

TiggyD · 18/03/2011 16:56

It's all his fault for asking such an extremely contentious question as "do you like flowers?". In the olden days he would have been stoned for asking such a question!

I got a cheap bunch of daffs from Tescos for 60p. I'm sure you're worth double that.

He can probably do better.

Snorbs · 18/03/2011 17:24

Blimey OP, did you realise that your message has "THIS WOMAN IS HARD WORK" written all over it in big flashing lights?

He wanted to make a nice gesture. You could have responded with something along the lines of "That's a lovely thought but I think it's a bit early for that kind of stuff / I'm allergic / I've always thought flowers are a bit cheesy. How about we do x, y or z instead?"

But no. You told him off like he was a naughty schoolboy who had been caught sneaking biscuits before dinner. If I was in his shoes I'd think twice about contacting you again TBH.

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