To be baffled by stalkerish behaviour

[fit2drop]

Three weeks ago I was signed off work and will be off for some time.I am due to go in hospital next week for procedures but in the mean time I am very weak tired and probably have reactive depression.

Anyway I had arranged to visit a friend today, she herself has a chronic condition and has days and days of being unwell.

When I woke up today I felt like crap, extremely nauseous drained of energy and generally exhausted.(all symptoms of my illness). I decided to see what I felt like by lunch time hoping I would feel better but if anything I felt worse, did not trust myself to drive safely so texted my friend to say I was feeling particulary unwell today so would not be visiting as I needed to go back to bed.
I appologised for the late text but explained I had hoped to be feeling better so had waited before texting and arranged to visit on Monday if I was well enough.

She text back OK never mind.

I then settled on the sofa with a duvet . lappy , trashy TV and my doggies.

I have just had another text from her (I will quote it word for word)

Why have you told me you are sick and going to bed. I have just driven passsed your house three times and seen you so you are obviously not in bed. If you didn't want to see me you only had to say so you didnt have to use sickness as an excuse. I am really ill and you using illness as an excuse is not nice.Do not bother about seeing me on Monday after all I may not be well enough myself .

WTF is that about?? Am I missing something.
I am a bit that she drove past my house which is a road to nowhere unless you live in this street.
Am I overreacting maybe because I am feeling so low or is my friend the twat I think she has turned into.

I would phone and calmly say you are feeling dreadful and laying on own settee in duvet is what people do. And what brought her to drive past the house 3 times?

I think she's struggling with her own situation but making a huge deal out of this is going to lose her a supportive friend. And when you are I'll and struggling it's really not easy to find friends.

Thank you all , I think normally I would just shrug and think "woteva"(well the kid in me would anyway)
and its sort of karma as I have seen and responded to "My friends done this what should I do" threads with stern replies of get a grip, if shes a proper friend ring her if she isnt it doesn't matter, so thats taught me a lesson on wearing judgey pants

There really is no underlying issues (that Im aware of) I am not in the habit of cancelling arrangements with her (or anyone really) as I usually work full time so appreciate my girlfriend times and grab them when I can.

It is bizarre behaviour and for now I think I am just going to leave it as I do not feel well enough to get into any conflict with her or anyone . I will not visit Monday and will leave any future contact for her to instigate and deal with it as and if it happens.

Not even sure how she "saw" me, Blinds were open but the sofa cannot be seen from the road.

Thank again

grab them = grab IT

An ex work friend of mine went all funny on me once.

We were pregnant at the same time, so were brought together by a common denominator.

She had all sorts of probs later on in preg, in and out of hospital. Was at work, then off work, then back for a day, then off again. I didn't really see why she didn't just get signed off (her Dr apparently offered many times) and start maternity early...but each their own.

I, on the other hand, was just heavily pregnant and knackered. So I went to the Drs, told him I was knackered and he offered to sign me off for the final 4 weeks before I started maternity I bit his hand off. Sorted.

Fastforward 12 months!! and I received a tyrade of shitty messages from her accusing me of copying her and lying about being "really ill" to gain sympathy. I was pathetic apparently .

Some people are just odd.

Oooooooo! I had a bonkers stalker type friend.

I work nights, did an extra night to cover someone's holiday, came home from work, took my son to school, came home, did cleaning, washing, etc, went back to school to collect my son, brought him home, made him tea.......

My partner was out that evening so at 7pm I put my son to bed and went to bed myself. Woke up a few hours later (needed loo/thirsty) and looked at my phone (which had been on silent) for the time and I had FOURTEEN text messages from this friend.

First asking how I am, the asking why I wasn't answering his texts, carried on and the last few told me I was a disgusting person and shouldn't ignore people and what kind of friend was I?

It was 10pm. I'd been asllep 3 hours. He'd sent these texts over the space of an hour (I checked).

We're not friends now. He did other, similar stuff and it all got too weird.

i find the texting to say you arent coming quite rude, why not phone and explain properly

maybe leave it today as you feel so awful and then tomorrow text and say 'yes didn't go to bed as i ended up resting on the sofa instead'

Not a friendship I would want to continue. I would ring bake and say you don't want to continue a friendship where you are being stalked in your own home it is weird behaviour, whether you are in bed or on the sofa or in the bath is your business no one elses.

lusciousliz , why is texting rude? Not everyone has credit on their phones.I actually do have but your assumption is just that.... an assumption. BUT I do not have a landline.(due to dh telling virgin to fuck off with their poor service and thats a whole different thread if I could be arsed

here is a full account of my text to her

Hi
I am sorry but I do not feel too good. Quite nauseous and weak. I was hoping to feel better by lunch time but to be fair I dont trust myself to drive as my concentration level is zilch and I just want to go back to bed.I hope you dont mind. I am sorry.I will be in touch next week maybe Monday if thats ok. I hope you are OK today. I am sorry to mess you about, Take care, love L*

Now I do not think there is one part of that that is rude... but I am open to people telling me it is.

And actualy luciousliz with your attitude maybe its a good job we are not friends too

Hecate had it bang on this time.

Is this woman used to being the sick one in any relationship? Sounds like she thinks you are taking something away from her by being sick yourself.

Hec's return text was great. It makes it absolutely clear that what she was doing was wrong.

Unhinged.

Maybe she acted a bit odd but I agree with StealthPolarBear. Lots of normal people turn a bit weird when they're pissed off enough. I think it might all have been avoided if a) you'd let her know earlier in the day there was a chance you'd cancel, and b) if you'd called her rather than texting (as would have been more polite when cancelling so late in the day).

Barking! Can't believe she drove past 3 times! I would send Hecate's text!

Aahhh - I think she's thrown a wobbly cos you say you are going to bed.... But then you did an dreadful thing and without informing her you swopped it for the settee. Oooh you minx. So therefore you are totally in the wrong cos she's conveniently forgotten her very slow drive-by ( 3 times).

Get better. Focus on you now. If you ever do fancy unpicking her mental state - do it when you are feeling on top of the world.

atswimtwolengths
Yes she is used to being the poorly one, however as much as she goes on about it she usually does tend to be quite sympathetic to others . I really do not understand this behaviour of hers at all.

She is normally a lovely but eccentric lady.

A couple of people have said I should have spoken to her not text but its very rare we ring each other, most of our phone conversations are by text, so to text her was not out the ordinary.

pancakeflipper yes you are probably right , I will wear my sack cloths and flog myself accordingly. but not till I feel somewhat better

would have texted back to say that you'd gone downstairs for a drink and didn't have the energy to get back upstairs so crashed on the sofa.

but surely if you are ill so you say you are spending the day in bed then crashing on the sofa under a duvet also counts?

And as for her driving past and seeing you - did she really see you do you think (could she have chosen just the three moments that you happened to be walking downstairs or going to the loo or something) or were you really lying low on the sofa? And can you easily see into your house to see people walking around - it's usually quite difficult to see people in the house unless they are actually at the window or very close to it so if she had driven past to catch you out then she must have gone very slowly and been looking really hard which is a really weird scary thing for her to have been doing.

sorry, didn't mean that to sound like I was interrogating you about what you were doing, was just trying to ascertain exactly how hard she must have been trying to see you in order for her to claim she saw you. and if she admitted to driving past 3 times then bet she drove past more - especially if you live on a road to nowhere then I bet she counted each there and back trip as one rather than 2 goes past.

The more I think about it the more angry this would make me if it had happened to me.

hope you are feeling better soon and that this doesn't interfere with your recovery.

Okay it's a bit extreme behaviour but could she be reacting like this because she feels ill herself, bit vulnerable and over-sensitive, not in her right mind?

I agree with LoveLeonardCohen. You suffer from depression so should understand how little things can affect you, especially if you constantly feel ill. I think you are focussing on the fact that manner in which she checked up on you (why is three times worse than once? maybe she was just checking what she'd seen was correct?) to avoid thinking about the fact that it's partly your fault. I do understand about having a relationship where you only ever text - but when cancelling at the last minute a phone call is both more polite and will usually help avoid this sort of confusion.

She's mental!

what a looney.you might want to cheak your knickers arnt going missing from the washing line.

no not normal or acceptable
can just see there might be another side tot he story which might go some way to explaining why she is acting in such an unreasonable stalkerish manner

Odd & her problem not yours that for sure, but I'm now wondering exactly what her health issues are??, I ask as my Mum has MS & I've had similar odd & upsetting behaviour from her, & I know another guy with MS who went on to be diagnosed Bipolar, which fits my Mums erratic behaviour to a tee, seems they can go hand in hand, so where as your friends behaviour is very odd, is it possibly part of her health condition??

though theres also the possibility she's just plain nuts, & as a constant complainer of ailments doesn't like you stealing her thunder by being ill herself, & its brought out the worst in her??....mind you, had that from my Mum too, so again might be a symptom??.........worth considering??