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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Seriously?!?

132 replies

NearlySpring · 17/03/2011 22:40

Dd (6) REALLY would love to learn to play a musical instrument, quite a few children in her year at school have the lessons (we see them coming in with their cellos and violins).

Today I enquired about booking them for her. They are £17 per child for 30 mins lesson once a week This is for 3 children sharing the lesson. PLUS £80 per term to hire a child sized violin or cello.

I am a single parent and I work full time. I have a decent job and decent salary and we are comfortable, but this seems like such a large amount of money to pay out each term in addition to the clubs she already does.

So I was thinking today... I wonder how all the others afford it, I know for a fact that two of the kids who have the lessons have parents who don't work. I looked on the school website to find out that if you don't work you get FREE music lessons.

AIBU in feeling that music lessons are a luxury and shouldn't be free for people on benefits?

Maybe I AIBU and just a little green eyed that I work so hard and cannot afford something that I could get for free if I didn't work. Not benefit claimant bashing here, it's a hard time and many people are being made redundant, I totally understand lots of people on benefits right now just can't find work (I was in same position not all that long ago)....

But seriously, free music lessons?!?

OP posts:
upyourdiva · 18/03/2011 12:51

Have'nt read whole thread as I can pretty much guess how it goes but can I just say OP I do not think YABU and I don't think you are benefit bashing anyway TBH.

My DP works 40 hours a week for a low wage and we can't afford childcare so I can't work until DS is at school in August.

My DS would love to go for swimming lessons but we can't afford it even though I feel this is a valuable life skill. My friend on the other hand is a single parent on benefits as she cannot afford childcare either which is fair enough but both her DS' get free swimming lessons in our area because she is on income support. This would not bother me so much if it were not for the fact that she is constantly pointing out to me that she does not have to pay rent/council tax and gets most things subsidised because of benefits even though she actually gets more than we do in a month!

I don't agree that these things (music lessons, swimming etc) should only be for children of working households but I do think the government needs to look into it more thoroughly as like others some famillies who work are getting less than they would on benefits but get the added bonuses of it taken away!

FreudianSlippery · 18/03/2011 14:52

LOL tethersend I do love your posts :o

Relax GX, this is MN not a dissertation. When I'm teaching the children I'll talk proply innit.

mistlethrush · 18/03/2011 15:04

Anyone needing beginners piano or general violin/ viola lessons, I certainly won't charge £17.50 for a shared lesson Grin.

I shall be starting DS off on the piano and violin myself and see how we go from there. If he turns out to follow the family trait, will undoubtedly have to find someone else to teach him, but will certainly not be paying those sorts of prices.

[avoiding the benefit claimants side of the issue Wink]

daimbardiva · 18/03/2011 15:07

It is steep but YABU - you say your daughter already attends clubs etc. so surely it's a question of having to prioritise. Are music lessons more importnat than the things she already does or not? And it sounds like you could afford them at the end of the day, whereas some people, undoubtedly, could not.

GiddyPickle · 18/03/2011 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brass · 18/03/2011 15:26

Agree with OP.

If you need assistance to live, by all means help should be given for necessities. But music lessons are not a necessity.

If you are arguing that children shouldn't be punished for feckless parents why should the children of hard working parents be punished because they still can't afford lessons even after putting the hours/effort in? Your argument doesn't add up.

Also the argument that music isn't a luxury and the most disadvantaged should benefit. Why shouldn't ALL children benefit if it isn't a luxury?

There are deserving causes but there are also self serving free loaders who don't give a toss where it comes from as long as they keep on receiving.

Free gym membership too? Fucking hell. Handbasket. This country.

redexpat · 18/03/2011 20:14

I think you could talk to the school. They sometimes have hardship funds.

Do you live in a univeristy town? Music students will be very grateful for the extra cash and would not charge that much per hour.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 18/03/2011 20:28

I don't think YABU, OP. In an idea world, people on benefits should be able to have free music lessons for their children, but the way things are going at the moment it is a luxury. There is only a finite amount of cash to spend on the welfare system and if it is a choice between child A learning to play piano and child b getting extra learning support to help him stay in a mainstream school surely child b should be prioritised?

ambarth · 18/03/2011 20:28

Oh fuck off.

aliceliddell · 18/03/2011 20:35

why are these lessons not provided free by the school? this seems increasingly common practice, but we didn't choose a fee paying school, did we? why not charge for art lessons? or poetry writing? or sport? where is this going to end? I'm on benefits btw.

evenafterall · 18/03/2011 20:40

About 15 years ago when I was at school I benefited from loan of a cello for about £15 pa, and seriously subsidised lessons, to the tune of (pardon the pun) about £30 per term. That was individual 1/2 hour lessons weekly. I took Grade 5 in the end. (I also attended private piano lessons at £30 per hour, unsubsidised) This was for low income families (and I was raised by one parent). I think it was wonderful that I was allowed that time. The ability to focus deeply which stems from musical practice is difficult to learn elsewhere, and really made a difference in my life. So it is worth it.

Is it fair that the income level of parents is the one single most significant factor in a child's success potential? Shouldn't we equalise this a little bit by giving kids who have no holidays new clothes, access to toys green spaces or private transport something to enjoy?

LaWeasel · 18/03/2011 20:46

It makes me sad that so many people believe that children whose parents are on benefits don't deserve to persue music. What if they are a musical genius? And music is the way they will pull themselves and their family out of poverty?

That's just tough then is it?

As if they don't have enough opportunities taken away from them already.

seeker · 18/03/2011 20:49

Feckless children. They should have known better than to be born into poverty. Serve them right.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 18/03/2011 21:04

Was that addressed at me ambarth? What a well reasoned argument that was Hmm

LittleNicci · 18/03/2011 21:19

What this all boils down to is what's fair and what's not. I would think it incredibly unfair if my DS wanted to learn how to play an instrument and I (as someone who works full time) couldn't afford to pay for the lessons, and other kids whose parents don't work get the lessons for free.

In an ideal world, yes, the lessons would be free to all children, but there isn't a bottomless pit of money to fund all these activities. Ambarth. How about you fuck off?

ambarth · 18/03/2011 21:28

"I have a decent job and decent salary and we are comfortable, but this seems like such a large amount of money to pay out each term in addition to the clubs she already does."

Well what are you complaining about then. Your kid already gets to do clubs, why begrudge something to a kid that doesn't? Music lessons can improve concentration, teach a child self discipline and have been proven to improve academic performance. Given the proportion of kids in poverty who go on to university I think this is a pretty worthy thing to be subsidising. Is that reasoned enough for you?

I'm not benefit bashing but...

Fuckinghell, reminds me of I'm not racist but...

seeker · 18/03/2011 21:30

LittleNicci - so your children deserve music lessons because you've got a job more that the children of unemployed people?

LittleNicci · 18/03/2011 21:37

No seeker, but the children of unemployed people don't deserve them any more than mine.

LittleNicci · 18/03/2011 21:38

Basically, if you can't afford it, you don't get it. Quite simple really.

seeker · 18/03/2011 21:40

They might, you know. I would guess your children have a lot more advantages, both material and other , than the children of most unemployed people. Free music lessons might just help to level the playing field a bit.

LaurieFairyCake · 18/03/2011 21:43

Dd is in care and gets hers free.

It is extraordinarily beneficial for her. Doesn't quite make up for being the daughter of a drug addled, violent leech but it improves her concentration and connects her brain so that she is able to study.

It's making up for very poor parenting in the early years.

Your kid doesn't 'need' it cos you are already fabulous, this little girl does.

ambarth · 18/03/2011 21:44

"Basically, if you can't afford it, you don't get it. Quite simple really."

Why are you complaining about what your kids don't get then? Does that logic apply to food as well...

ambarth · 18/03/2011 21:50

Oh, and you don't get brownie points for working hard and not being able to afford music lessons. That applies to me as well. But my kids have an attentive mother who reads to them every night, didn't take smack in pregnancy etc. They don't need it like Laurie's fosterdaughter,I'm glad she's prioritised over mine. But that's because I'm not a self righteous arse with no empathy and a fuck the poor attitude.

differentnameforthis · 18/03/2011 22:29

You say but this seems like such a large amount of money to pay out each term in addition to the clubs she already does

So your child has out of school activities, because you pay for them.

Many of the children who get free lessons probably don't do anything else. Therefore, they get at least something to fill a little of their time & to help boost confidence & give them some pride. I think it is a good idea, tbh!

If you want your child to learn an instrument, or if she wants to, you have to reduce her other activities. Good way for her to learn that you cant have everything you want!

But I don't think you should begrudge a child getting free access to something, just because you can't afford it because your daughter does other activities.

BoffinMum · 19/03/2011 08:27

You can quite easily teach singing to a high standard to large groups for free in schools, and get them all taking Associated Board exams, entering competitions and so on, raising the standard of learning in the school generally and bringing that nice middle class polish to everyone who wants it. It's then very easy to see which kids are sufficiently interested in music to practice enough to justify music lessons, and dish them out on that basis, also free or at very low cost. I fail to see why more schools don't do this. The current system is based on a load of Marxist claptrap that does nobody any favours.