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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tel MIL that DD can't have MORE crap to eat?

72 replies

SeeJaneKick · 17/03/2011 15:54

MIL just went to collect DD from school....well she came with me and DD2 and she brught along a large sweet for each child....was a bit annoyed as I have told her that am stopping the sweets during the week....we get home and she says "Ive got another treat for you!"

To my DD1 and then says to me "It's just a cake"

I'm a bit Hmm but m hoping it's some kind of muffin....maybe a plainish one...but no...she brings out a BIG fairy cake for each child...thick layer of icing on each which is encrusted in sweets!

The bloody cakes had more sugar in each one than a mars bar by the look of them!

I took them and put them high in the cupboard and said "You can't eat those before dinner...if you're good and do all your homework then I might let you later but not now"

Mil looked like this Shock Hmm

WHY did she get them this shite in addition to the sweets at the school gates?

And am I BU to take them?

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/03/2011 16:36

chill out!

exhausted2011 · 17/03/2011 16:38

what was the "large sweet" btw?

usualsuspect · 17/03/2011 16:40

to save their teeth Wink

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 17/03/2011 16:42

MY BIL always comes over to ours and usually brings DS some sweets - I think if he came armed with an apple he may get it thrown at him, lol Grin

GwendolineMaryLacey · 17/03/2011 16:47

My dad does this. He buys DD enormous cakes and was feeding her cake last night at about 8.30 before we went home. My mother tries to stop him but he looks at her like she's mad. In his world it's how you are with small children, that's just how he treats her. They only have her once a week so I don't sweat it. She adores him, they have a great relationship and I'm happy for that.

Original poster
SeeJaneKick · 17/03/2011 16:47

It was one of those Moam things...a chewy fruity thing.

And no Fanjo! I won't. I have other MIL threads on here which could make you understand my inability to cope with this.

[grinds teeth]

Desperate...they DID have "Something nice" They had a sweet each on the way home!

Now m own Mother has just turned up with TWO huge cakes and a bar of chocolate each!

I have hidden these too!

I'm sick of them eating shit.

OP posts:
Desperateforthinnerthighs · 17/03/2011 16:49

I must admit, DS asked for a mars bar at about half seven last night and even I refused Smile..I do have some limitations but just not right after school.

Original poster
SeeJaneKick · 17/03/2011 16:49

It's ok for the grandmas...they piss off home after an hour leaving me to deal with two kids who are high on sugar.

OP posts:
saffy85 · 17/03/2011 16:50

YANBU no way would my DD be allowed a massive cake and sweets before tea.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/03/2011 16:50

apparently sugar highs are a myth..it's probably a grandma high, my DD gets them. Smile

noeyedear · 17/03/2011 16:50

My mother does this all the time. My DS is only 3, so she comes round with all sorts of sweets and biscuits and I can't stop her shovelling them down his throat at every opportunity, so i just said 'I've told you what will happen if you do that, he won't eat his lunch/dinner. Just don't tell me about it when he won't do it'. She still does it, and the annoying thing is she will still make comments about his eating to me along the grounds of 'he's very fussy, isn't he?' (no he isn't) 'why don't you give him food he likes to eat?' (he eats whats in front of him, which 99% of the time, he does like). He won't eat when she's around because he knows she will just give him sweet things ( for lunch-5 Munch Bunch yoghurts and a packet of chocolate biscuits last time she was round- if he doesn't eat his lunch! It drives me insane! Fine, feed him crap, but don't then accuse me of not feeding my son properly!

Original poster
SeeJaneKick · 17/03/2011 16:51

I think that I have to draw a line...it's been happening for ages nd I have made noises about it but not really put my foot down.

I don't deprive them...I get them a treat about twice a week....but we don't have loads of cakes and biscuits in the house so maybe the grans think I am mean.

ut it's my choice not theirs.

PLUS I have asked my Mum not to bring so much crap over.

OP posts:
IWillCountToThree · 17/03/2011 16:53

We had a similar situation when we discovered MIL was giving DCs 3 puddings. Choc yoghurt, huge piece of cake, then sweets!

We had words and now they get one of the above plus fruit if they're still hungry. I think you've done the best thing, it won't be long before they come to expect it as normal. Much better that it's a reward!

I'd be happy if someone rewarded me with choc.....:o

FabbyChic · 17/03/2011 16:56

I used to do my kids a tray of a night that I would take up to their rooms, those were the days. Yoghurt, crisps, cake, sweets. Everynight for years.

They are now 23 and 17. And it didn't make them overactive or anything.

Sometimes I think people fuss too much over kids and their eating habits, they are only kids once, leave them alone.

Bogeyface · 17/03/2011 17:01

It would be the timing and the way she did it that would annoy me more. Sweets followed by cake would be a guarantee that they wont eat their dinner.

So while I think that a treat is fine, it shouldnt be at the expense of a proper balanced meal. It wasnt wrong of her to buy the cakes but she should have said that she had a treat for after dinner, aslong as they ate it all up or something, or checked with you first. As someone else posted, they feed the kids crap then moan at you that they wont eat their veg. Well why would they if they can have cake?!

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 17/03/2011 17:05

Since when was a moam 'a big sweet'?

Your kids, your choice - but have a good think about it. Does it really matter? If either Mum was to drop down dead tomorrow would you really care if they were giving them sweets if only you could have them back again?

If their diet is balance, no amount of granny spoiling is going to hurt.

Ripeberry · 17/03/2011 17:18

Grandparents job is to SPOIL their grandchildren Grin

Ripeberry · 17/03/2011 17:21

If you think about it. The more you deny children something the MORE they will want it and then go overboard.
How are you going to police their eating habits in secondary school?
A small amount each day will not harm them.
In a way better than denying all week.

moonstorm · 17/03/2011 17:24

See I don't get this 'it's what gps do'. Nobody forces them. MIL and FIL says this as though they are forced to do bad things. As though they would be bad for not spoiling etc.

NO YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO IT!!!

Rant over

YANBU op

grumblinalong · 17/03/2011 17:28

Yeah but chipping if Grandparent's are undermining the parents wishes by 'spoiling' the dc's, and they know full well that they're doing this, I think the GP's are being unreasonable.

My mum & dad shove crap down my dc's throat in order to wind me & DH up and show us that I'm still their child and they're in control of me and my dc's. It's really starting to backfire on them though because when we're visiting their house both DS's are an absolute nightmare (because they've been stuffed with sugar and general crap) and our visits are getting shorter because I have to leave when their behaviour gets out of control. They've made the choice not to listen to us so they can lump it when they don't get to see the grandsons as much as they'd like.

moonstorm · 17/03/2011 17:32

Look my parents spoil, but never in any way undermine us and they check things out first. For example 'I've bought X xxxx, when can I give it', 'I've seen xxxx, would it be ok' etc.

Ils Buy whatever whenever, give it and sometimes even make comments about us liking/ not liking it as they give etc.

You can spoil a child without spoiling or undermining IYSWIM.

usualsuspect · 17/03/2011 17:33

I have never noticed a link between sweets and bad behaviour in my now grown up kids or my grandkids

I think its a myth tbh

LilQueenie · 17/03/2011 17:40

I would put my foot down. Unless I actually wanted a child at risk of being overweight or with diabetes later in life.

PigValentine · 17/03/2011 18:19

But we're all more obsessed with sugar, etc, than we used to be - like others have pointed out, years ago, this would have been perfectly normal - and yet childhood obesity, etc is apparently getting worse. I don't understand why, considering everyone is more aware now and stuff like sugar sandwiches a thing of the past.

rosie1979 · 17/03/2011 18:19

YANBU, I would have been annoyed.

Its not being kind - stuffing them full of sugar giving them a false full tummy so they dont want their tea, making them hyper....no thanks.

I dont buy my ds "sweet" sweets, I hate all the additive/sweetener shite. I would rather they had a cake or a biscuit that had eggs, flour, sugar than loads of e numbers.