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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take it in turns to sleep with dd2 at night?

34 replies

igetmorelovefromthecat · 17/03/2011 09:04

Another tediously boring thread about my incredible non sleeping baby I'm afraid.

She is nearly 8 months and wakes anything up to 12 times a night, I would consider a good night to be about 5 times.

I am so tired my brain has turned to mush and I really really need to sleep (for more than 2 hours in one go, I mean).

So I am thinking that my ex DP, who joyously still lives in the same house as me (in his own room), can start having her at night, maybe every other night. She is BF but I have recently started giving her a FF before bedtime so she will take a bottle.

I co-sleep with her as the little bugger will not sleep in a cot so I guess he would have to do the same.

But part of me thinks that it will be really confusing for her, and might make her sleeping worse (though I find it hard to see how that could be possible). Opinions would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
justpaddling · 17/03/2011 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FriggFRIGG · 17/03/2011 09:17

i would definitely do it...

we had a non sleeping baby too,and shared night waking 50/50,i would bf,he would pace until she fell asleep,he would lay her down,VERY gently next to me
then she would BF again so she wouldnt wake up again!

...it was exhausting and i would not have functioned AT ALL had i tryed to do it all myself.

anything to make you life easier with a non sleeper!
she even slept in an electronic swing thing for about 3 months,just so we could get some rest!
the constant motion and music kept her asleep for hours!!

thankfully,shes 2.6yo now,and sleeps on her own,in her own room,in her own bed....there is light at the end of the tunnel! (and DC2 sleeps like an angel so you arent doomed if you ever want another!)

FriggFRIGG · 17/03/2011 09:19

(btw,when we put her in a cot she just screamed and screamed until she was sick,and choked.
turned out she had refux and was in agony,poor mite.so not an option for us,but ive heard it works for others,it youre prepared for a bit of cc...)

Original poster
igetmorelovefromthecat · 17/03/2011 09:46

Well I would like her to sleep in a cot but she is having none of it. If I put her down awake she goes apeshit and if I feed her to sleep and then put her down in the cot she wakes up (and goes apeshit).

I don't have anything against co-sleeping but I agree that she may well sleep better in her own cot as she is an incredibly light sleeper.

I don't know why she wakes up, she usually has a bit of milk and then just goes back to sleep but she doesn't really drink much so I don't think she is waking up from hunger, she is just using it as a comfort to go back to sleep. She does cry when she wakes up but it's not an 'I'm in pain' kind of cry.

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 17/03/2011 09:48

What about trying a dummy?

Original poster
igetmorelovefromthecat · 17/03/2011 09:50

She would never take a dummy, I did try!

OP posts:
OnlyWantsOne · 17/03/2011 09:51

mayb e shes waking because it is you, she might sleep for your Ex as he wont smell of milk etc

Original poster
igetmorelovefromthecat · 17/03/2011 09:56

I am hoping that could be the case, though the bad side of that will be that he thinks I make it up that she wakes all night long so that will prove his point if she does Smile

OP posts:
Marne · 17/03/2011 10:00

Do what ever is easiest for you, Dd1 would not sleep in a cot (would also be sick), dd2 slept in a lie flat bouncy chair for 10 months Grin as she refused to go in a moses basket or cot, eventualy we got her into a travel cot. Dd1 would wake 10+ times a night, dh and i would take it in turns (unless he had a busy day at work).

Quenelle · 17/03/2011 10:51

Can't you ask exDP to read your DD a story and settle her to sleep after she's had her last BF of the day? That was the only way I could stop feeding DS to sleep, and the constant night wakings. It would be a gentler option than CC if you're not happy doing that.

emskaboo · 17/03/2011 11:10

Your baby sounds like my DS, it was hell and I did go slightly mad; was diagnosed as having PND but am fairly sure it was exhaustion! I would recommend the teach yourself baby sleep book by Andrea Grace. It is written very simply and gives you a spectrum from v gentle to cc methods with lots of case studies.

It saved my life, quite possibly literally! I had tried co sleeping, the no cry sleep solution, etc etc and it was the only thing that worked for us, I got it from the library.

And of course you are NBU, but maybe you could get him to help you work towards a solution rather than just share the pain!

lusciousliz · 17/03/2011 11:37

so what did you do, whack her with the book?

BetsyBoop · 17/03/2011 11:49

If you want to do co-sleeping then I agree that sharing the job is the way forward so that you can both get some sleep.

If you want to try getting her into her cot, CC isn't the only option (each to their own, but I couldn't do it). The "gradual withdrawal" method worked for us with DD. I always put her down awake (if only just after her feed!) & to start with sat on the floor right next to her cot with my arm round her until she was asleep & then crept out. (no talking or other interaction, you just need to be physically "there") The idea being that over a number of days/weeks (go at a pace that works for you/baby) you stay in the room until they are asleep, but gradually get further away until you are sitting in the doorway where they can see you & then try without them seeing you & they should go to sleep on their own. Same approach if they wake in the night.

If there aren't any other issues (such as reflux) then it's just a case of changing their "habit" & "routine" from where you are now to where you want to be, whether that be by CC, gradual withdrawal, or just waiting for them to grow out of it decide for themselves!

MissJanuary · 17/03/2011 13:10

Buy the Baby Whisperer book and follow her advice for breaking the co-sleeping and getting her settled with a new routine.
Should take from 3-5 days to see a difference if you are strict and really stick with it.
But its hard to to the pick up out down multiple times the first couple of nights, but rather that than months more of the misery you currently have.

NinkyNonker · 17/03/2011 13:28

Unless he is in a big bed I wouldn't recommend him co sleeping with her, apparently men aren't as in tune with them.as women are...hormones or something.

Original poster
igetmorelovefromthecat · 17/03/2011 21:21

Well, I thought about it and decided that before I really unsettle her by making her be with DP all night I would try again to get her into a cot.

She was really knackered earlier and had a good lot of milk, so I put her down in her cot and stroked her head, sang to her, and shushed at her for a while, but she would not give in and kept grizzling. In the end I got the hairdryer and switched that on and she was asleep in 5 minutes.

She woke again about half an hour later and I gave the hair dryer another 5 minute blast and she nodded off again.

I can't believe it!! She will be 8 months in a week and this is the first time she has EVER slept in her cot.

We will see how tonight goes....

OP posts:
Acanthus · 17/03/2011 21:26

Good luck. Mine sleep SO much better on their own than sharing. Stick with the magic hairdryer!

4FoxAche · 17/03/2011 21:27

In that case, have you got an iPhone by any chance?

There's an app for White noise that you could play when your trying to get her to sleep.

Hope things work out for you.

Original poster
igetmorelovefromthecat · 17/03/2011 21:32

I haven't got an iphone but funnily enough a couple of days ago I bought some baby sleep CDs on ebay which are white noise, pink noise and red noise (not really sure what the difference is but they are each an hour long and I think you just try them and see which one works best). Just waiting for them to arrive.

I was wondering though, should I leave it on all night? Or turn it off when she goes to sleep, or let it do its thing for the hour and then stop? What about if she wakes in the night, should I put it on again?

OP posts:
4FoxAche · 17/03/2011 21:34

I have lullabys on the monitor that send my ds2 off to sleep. If he wakes up in the night, I put the lullabies on first, sometimes he'll nod back off but if he doesn't then I know he's hungry so feed him.

naturalbaby · 17/03/2011 21:37

love it about the hairdryer! if it works then i've just got a slumber bear for my baby. it's got a white noise setting, ocean waves, womb noise and lullabyes and it goes off for 5mins then if baby moves in the cot it goes off again so you don't have to keep getting up to turn it on again.

i spent ages trying to get my older boys to sleep through. from around 7months i fed them as much as possible at dinner time then offered supper as well to make sure they weren't hungry in the night. i had a bedside cot so put the cot side up and moved them across the room, then into their own room. they did protest but i really wanted/needed them to sleep on their own in their own room so i would just go in to lay them back to bed with their comforter and walk out again, over and over again! it worked but it was exhausting and took a while. you need to work out what your long term plan is - if you're happy to carry on co-sleeping or whether you want her to sleep on her own in her own cot in her own room and when. i also found with mine whatever i did at night time i had to do at nap time. if they had a good sleep in their cot during the day then i had a better chance at night. it also meant if i struggled during the day, most of the battle was over then so at night time they knew what to expect and it wasn't as hard.

Original poster
igetmorelovefromthecat · 17/03/2011 21:55

Hmm I bought a Winnie the Pooh projector that plays music and displays images on the ceiling that is noise-activates - seems to have completely the wrong effect on dd and she thinks it's party time when I put it on (I can see where she is coming from actually). Not my best ever purchase.

I think for now I would just like to get her to start the night in her cot. If she sleeps through I sure as hell ain't going to move her but if she wakes after a few hours I will just bring her into my bed. I think it's quite a jump to go from always sleeping in my bed to never sleeping in my bed.

At least I know she CAN sleep in her cot now.

OP posts:
carabos · 17/03/2011 22:22

My DS2 didn't sleep for 2 yrs - woke every 45 min, fed a bit (BF) then nodded off. He slept through pretty much instantly when we stopped BF and stopped co-sleeping at 27 months.....

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 17/03/2011 22:26

YANBU!

however tread carefully i have a 2yrs 4mnth old little miss who controls us insanely at bedtime!