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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think about taking my ds out of nursery because of illness?

58 replies

4FoxAche · 17/03/2011 07:53

I know that being at nursery he will be ill from time to time and only starting a month or so ago he has a lot of "catching up" so to speak on the illness side of things but the whole point in putting him in nursery 2 mornings a week was so I could have a little break.

But those few hours I get 2 mornings a week, don't really feel worth it when I'm spending the rest of the week looking after a grumpy, miserable ill child which then turns into 2 children because the baby inevitably catches whatever his brother has.

And he always seems better on nursery days and is apparently full of smiles there all morning.

So they get the best side of him while I get the, again, grumpy, miserable ill child to deal with the rest of the week.

First week it was an ear infection, then D&V now both babies have streaming eye's, noses, coughs, sneezes and are feeling generally crap.

My partner (who works away) thinks it would be silly to take him out now but he's not here to look after them when they're ill. My mums no better because she thinks "it's good for him to spend time away from me" but again, she lives a 3 hr drive away so can't help either.

Surely it'll be easier to just pull him out right?

What do you think?

OP posts:
GiddyPickle · 17/03/2011 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GiddyPickle · 17/03/2011 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poopnscoop · 17/03/2011 08:03

I am a childminder and actually have taken on a child who was always ill at nursery. In November she had TWO days there the whole month! So the parents got desperate and looked for alternate care.

Since January (in my care) she has been off once only.

Kids will catch things, and they must (for their immune system), but goodness, to be continually sick is ridiculous. My mum had a nursery for 90 kids for over 20 years and never had kids continually off.

poopnscoop · 17/03/2011 08:05

'Since January (in my care) she has been off once only.'

This one day off was due to her having vomited on the Saturday night, and me enforcing my 48 hour exclusion policy for V. They very much appreciated the fact I did it, being mindful of the others in my care.

GiddyPickle · 17/03/2011 08:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
4FoxAche · 17/03/2011 08:12

It's not him getting ill that bothers me as such.

Before he started nursery we used to be out all day most days doing things and if he caught something, fine, we'd stay at home a couple of days then continue with the fun stuff once he was better.

But now it's a case of not being able to do any fun stuff with him/them because he's caught something or another at nursery and by the time he's feeling better, it's a nursery day so off he goes.

At the moment the nursery are getting to do all the fun stuff with him and I feel like a full time nurse to him.

Maybe I am being silly. I'll keep him there until we move then look at the situation again I think.

I mean he can't be poorly every week can he?

OP posts:
Original poster
4FoxAche · 17/03/2011 08:15

Giddy, he's only 23months and only been there a month.

He also enjoyed being at home with me too before he started getting poorly all the time. It's not like I keep him locked up or anything. He does get to socialise (as much as a not even 2nd old can) with other children.

Anyway, like I said. I'll keep him there for now and see how we go.

OP posts:
tortilla · 17/03/2011 08:15

Every child I know, including my own DS, has a period where they have a run of getting every illness under the sun, usually at the point they start socialising more with other children e.g. at nursery. My DS started nursery Jan 2010 and he was ill a lot until about April. It was rubbish, to be honest. Since then (touch wood),he's been pretty healthy, just the occasional sniffle or mild D&V once or twice. This winter he has been much healthier. I think you just need to get over this phase - it will happen either now, or later if you take him out of nursery - and then it will be much better.

Northernlurker · 17/03/2011 08:17

Yes you are being silly. This is a time of year when there are a lot of bugs about anyway and it sounds like your ds hasn't spent that much time with other dcs so yes his immune system needs to toughen up a bit. Which it will do.
Your ds is getting older, enjoys the nursery and you should let him do so.

nickschick · 17/03/2011 08:23

It always seems to be the first few years at nursery and school where they are hit with everything,its all that contact with other 'germs' and children today do seem to get more virus and bugs than ever.

Prolonged use of anti biotics are making the bugs more resilient,there are far more bugs and germs around,the weather incubates the bugs as we dont seem to have seasons and families are very very careful hygeine wise thats why we seem to have more poorly children than we did when we were children.

Gracie123 · 17/03/2011 08:23

We chose to home school, and my children don't attend nursery either. I had hoped that this would mean we weren't ill all the time but unfortunatly:
a) DH is a teacher and brings home every bug under the sun anyway and
b) We attend church and the children's group is full of snotty nosed children who can't stop kissing and petting my toddler, and it seems mean to ask them not to.

So yes, we are snotty and gross too.

I'm not sure leaving nursery is going to help. I think we are just in that stage of life IYSWIM Brew

Original poster
4FoxAche · 17/03/2011 08:23

Of course he's spent time with other children.

Do people really think because I'm thinking of pulling him out of nursery he is locked up at home?

He goes baby signing once a week, soft play once a week, coffee with friends and their kids once a week, play park once a week. He's always around children whether he's at nursery or not.

But all the above are things I can no longer do with him because he's always ill now.

So in fact, even with being at nursery 2 mornings a week, he's around other children a lot less than when he was with me full time.

Anyway, I thank you all for your input. I hope that once he's got through the first few months he'll start being a bit more immune to these things and we can start doing things together again.

OP posts:
Original poster
4FoxAche · 17/03/2011 08:25

So in fact, even with being at nursery 2 mornings a week, he's around other children a lot less now, because of being ill inbetween than when he was with me full time.

That sentence was supposed to read. ^^

OP posts:
GiddyPickle · 17/03/2011 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gracie123 · 17/03/2011 08:36

4Fox - it's not unreasonable to pull him out of nursery for any reason, he is your child and if you just want him to spend more time at the park, he doesn't have to go.

It sounds like you do quite a lot of socialising with your son already. Maybe nursery is just the straw that broke the camels back, as it were. Is he just over tired from those two mornings, so his immune system is a little lower?

If so he will almost certainly get used to it fairly quickly. But if it were me, I'd still pull him out and try again in 6 months. This is a precious age, and you want to enjoy it with him. Not feel frustrated by a grumpy miserable version of him.

But maybe I'm biased as a homeschooler... Grin

HappyMummyOfOne · 17/03/2011 08:45

DS got ill every other week in reception and I wish i'd used a nursery prior to him going. Missing school is not good whereas nursery can easilt be missed.

Original poster
4FoxAche · 17/03/2011 08:52

Gracie we are looking down the Home Education path as well for the boys.

Nursery was just so I could have a little break (no family around) and basically so ds could have some fun a couple times a week while I was stuck to the sofa BF his little brother in the early days, but he does enjoy it while he is there and yes because of it, it does feel like I'm missing out on the good stuff now his 6month old brother has got himself into a routine.

Giddy, your post makes a lot of sense. It really is my problem. And he would still get ill whether he goes to nursery now or a year down the line or even not at all so I suppose you are right. Building up his immune system now will be better so I can still do the fun stuff with him once he's a little older and understands more.

Thank-you for all your replies.

Now back to the sick babies......

OP posts:
wolfhound · 17/03/2011 09:00

It may be just a phase 4FoxAche. I feel for you. My DS2 - who is 18 months and DOESN'T go to nursery has just recovered from 5 months of being constantly ill - tonsillitis several times, colds, etc. etc. Dr said it could be his older brother (who didn't get ill at all) bringing bugs home from nursery. Magically about a month ago it just stopped - DS2 healthy once more. Hurrah! Life much better. Hope it doesn't last that long for you - nice warm sunny weather should help too, so bring on summer!

Original poster
4FoxAche · 17/03/2011 09:02

Looking forward to that wolfhound Grin

OP posts:
Gracie123 · 17/03/2011 09:33

Sounds like we are at the same stage of life 4fox. I have DS 3yo and DD 7months.

We are all sick at the moment (colds, fever, ear infections) and it's not fun.

I feel for you. Brew

sims2fan · 17/03/2011 10:08

At 23 months personally I think he's too young for nursery anyway, if you're not working and he doesn't need to go. After the age of 3 is when worthwhile socialisation happens, and if he has a sibling then he us already learning to share and take turns. Plus you take him to toddler groups etc anyway. I'm a teacher, have taught nursery classes, and wouldn't send my child to nursery before 3. I would take him out if I were you.

moonstonezoe · 17/03/2011 11:01

I think some children are more suseptable to illnesses than others. My DD was constantly picking things up at nursery, and we had to stop sending her. I think she was just going through a bad spell, by the time she was ready for school she seemes to cope with infections much better.

limpingbint · 17/03/2011 11:09

Really as nasty as this is I think you are really over reacting. Would you remove your child from school if they caught lots of bugs (which for my children has always been the case in the first term of reception) - I do think maybe that 23 months is too young for nursery anyway.

#But really it is very common for children to go down with just about everything when they come into contact with lots of other children. It is normal.

YABU

nickschick · 17/03/2011 13:18

Oh I dont think shes over reacting,shes never been through this before and the ds being ill is impacting the social life she and the younger one also have,shes only asking for advice.

tryingtoleave · 17/03/2011 13:32

I was under the impression that children's immunity improved naturally at about three and five? At any rate, they are less likely to spread disease as they are not in nappies, not putting stuff in their mouth, and better able to manage nose wiping etc. My ds started preschool at 3.5 and he didn't get particularly sick. My dd started child care at 20 months and started getting disgusting illnesses that my ds never got. Ds had been exposed to other children on the toddler circuit and he had got colds and flu, but I never had to deal with diarohea until dd went to child care. I find it stressful because I am meant to be studying when she is in cc but because she is sick so much I can't plan my time.

Child care is notorious for illness- especially ear infections - and people accept it because often they have little option. Indeed, people are defensive and will tell you it is all for the best as you can see on this thread. Nevertheless, I don't think it is good for children to be sick all the time.

So, IMO, yanbu. If you feel happy managing both dcs at home, there is no reason not to wait another year. But, You might want to give it a few more months and see how it goes.