To think about taking my ds out of nursery because of illness?

[4FoxAche]

I know that being at nursery he will be ill from time to time and only starting a month or so ago he has a lot of "catching up" so to speak on the illness side of things but the whole point in putting him in nursery 2 mornings a week was so I could have a little break.

But those few hours I get 2 mornings a week, don't really feel worth it when I'm spending the rest of the week looking after a grumpy, miserable ill child which then turns into 2 children because the baby inevitably catches whatever his brother has.

And he always seems better on nursery days and is apparently full of smiles there all morning.

So they get the best side of him while I get the, again, grumpy, miserable ill child to deal with the rest of the week.

First week it was an ear infection, then D&V now both babies have streaming eye's, noses, coughs, sneezes and are feeling generally crap.

My partner (who works away) thinks it would be silly to take him out now but he's not here to look after them when they're ill. My mums no better because she thinks "it's good for him to spend time away from me" but again, she lives a 3 hr drive away so can't help either.

Surely it'll be easier to just pull him out right?

What do you think?

My dd and ds have both been in nursery two days a week since they were 10mo. Ds is now 15mo, and dd is almost 4yo.

Ds started in October last year, and I swear to God, it has been one thing after another since then. D&V bugs, colds, coughs, blah blah blah. Dd was exactly the same when she started. However, she very rarely catches anything off him now, which I can only presume is her strengthened immune system, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

But if he doesn't need to be there, and it's just making you more stressed, I'd take him out.

I would also say there is a difference between 'being sick all the time', and the winter (and spring and summer and autumn!) bugs that children inevitably pick up. I wouldn't class a cold or a cough as 'being sick', tbh.

See, I would class a cold as being sick and keep my children home. But no one else does and the cc is full of kids with streaming noses making dd sick. It is rare to see a child looking so sick at a playgroup because parents are ashamed to expose their friends' children to their dc's germs.

We'll have to agree to disagree. There's a world of difference between a runny nose and actual ill child, imo.

And neither of my children have ever had an ear infection tempts fate

yes children catch more germs at nursery, but he has just begun and immune system is prob low

tbh if you only put him there so you have a bit of me time, you would be better off sending to a cm or getting a nanny for 2 days

I know lots of parents who have exactly the same problem with nurseries and sickness, but in the main they put up with it as they didn't have a choice. It did seem to me when mine were little that we got less colds and certainly no ear infections or conjunctivitis, no sickness bugs etc by just socialising the odd morning and staying home the rest of the time, and I had no desire to send mine to nursery as I did view them just as a bit pit of bugs!

I don't agree that you just have to suck it up, you would if you really had to have them in nursery, you would if you really had to work, but none of this is true, and whilst a lot of children do get sick in Reception, they are five by this time, plus my experience is that this is much more manageable by this time, as your youngest is older and they don't seem to get so sick and crying as when they are younger.

I'd give it another month, see if you are still picking up everything going, and then stop if you are. I also think it's fine to avoid baby groups if your children have been back to back ill for a few weeks and want a break. Children (IM0!) don't need to be socialising all the time at this age, indeed that's tiring for them. Mine were never socialised in that sense (they just hung out with me, went for the odd trip to other people's houses and toddler group once a week) and they are both remarkably outgoing and sociable. I don't personally get all this training of children to interact, I kind of think it is developmentally built in!

OP, you are a month in, really that is obviously going to be tough at first, but it will settle.

Give it until the summer and see how things go. Then see what you feel like, tbh then you will need to consider 3 days a week and gently ramp up so school isn't too dramatic a shock.

My DS started nursery after 3yo, he had cold after cold, chicken pox, but failed to get the hand, foot and mouth or swine flu. It was miserable for a while, but he got through it.

Try and stick with it, it won't be like this forever. It's unreasonable to take him out so soon, the immune system will catch up shortly. Promise.

My DS just started Reception, now with 30 kids in a small classroom. The first term to christmas was just horrific, but since then, it's honestly so much better.

Socialisation IS important, my DS didn't have anyone to interact with at all until nursery. he had to learn to play with other children, if he'd not had that time to prepare, when he started Reception it could have been really distressing for him.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. The problem isn't your DS and his preceived lack of immunity; it isn't you being precious about your child. The problem is that children are attending the nursery when they are ill and passing round their germs.

Never mind the arguments about parents having to work and being unable to take time off: that's irrelevant here. The fact is that your DS is very young and doesn't have to be subjected to it.

I would either find an alternative childcare option with a decent and enforced sickness policy, or keep him at home until he's older.

Littlemiss - socialisation is important, but she gets that at toddler groups/coffee mornings, in a much healthier way I might add! At a toddler group you keep an eye on your child and intervene when necessary. During my DS brief spell at nursery he quickly picked up 'mine!' and snatching and realised he wouldn't be told off for it.
Socialisation happens whenever your child comes into contact with people. It's not necessary for them to be grouped together with other children with minimal adult discipline to shape how they are learning to interact.

Of course there is a difference between a cold and a serious illness - it would be ridiculous to deny that. But having a cold is still being sick. Especially for a young child, who may not be able to sleep properly with a blocked nose. When my dcs ( and me) have a cold they are miserable and grouchy. We can't do normal activities, I can't take them to playgroups if they are looking disgusting and I don't feel that they are up to a day at cc or preschool.

Yes, I reckon if he's only been there a month then you are just having a bad run - the fact that he's at baby signing and this that and the other suggests its just a bad winter/spring for bugs. It is, I know it is, I've spent so much time at the doctors this year, the GP said that its been a terrible winter, one of the worst in a long time. I even got pneumonia which is bloody ridiculous.

They will pick up colds from time to time in nursery but it shouldn't be any worse than going to groups or socialising with friends and their kids, therefore I would imagine in only a month you can put it down to a bad month rather than nursery per se.

Give it till at least the summer I'd say.

OP IS over-reacting, but we'll let her off becasue lots of us have thought the same thing. The.. this is supposed to help, but it feels like I'm getting a rawer deal here.
Ds1(7) hardly ever ill. But did have a lot of conjunctivitus, from nursery. so fed up with it in the end.
now I'm going through same with ds2(2) at nursery. But surprisingly he is not often ill either.
I am lucky because both my boys are hardly ever off.
But, I have to say, that I have been astonished, and I mean truely astonished by how much sickness there is. ds1's year has 60 in it, and they are off all the time in R, yr1 and now yr2. The mums are all saying that their youngest ( aged 2 or 3) also are ill all the time.
I don't know if its just where I live, but mild sickness, coughs, cold, foot and mouth, this and that seem to be RIFE everywhere.
Its a wonder any kid manages to be at school at all !!
If he wasn't picking it up from nursery, he'd be getting it from baby signing or playgroup

Oh I understand there's a difference between a cold and a serious illness, but with the 6 month old it certainly feels like we are dealing with much more than a cold. Poor baby is absolutely covered in snot, cries when I try to clean him up which I guess is because his nose hurts, his eye's are steaming, and he's waking himself up with his cough. There's only so much you can do with a 6month old and I feel like shit myself not being able to help him iygwim.

Yes the older one has picked up things from baby signing/toddler groups but in over a year it's never been more than a slight runny nose or cough. I can only assume that this is because at nursery he is in closer contact with the other children for a longer period of time.

We are supposed to be off to baby signing this morning but the baby looks gross (said in the nicest possible way) and we where supposedto be meeting a friend and her son for a picnic in the park yesterday which we couldn't go to. So we have been stuck in the house for 2 days.

This is what upsets me more tbh, that before nursery we used to be able to do all these things bit now we can't because one or the other of the babies is always ill. That's what I mean about feeling like the nursery are getting the best side of ds1 while I am stuck at home for the rest of the week looking after poorly babies.

Anyway, took all your replies into consideration and had a chat with dp last night so he will stay at nursery for another month or 2 and see how we go.

4foxache - i feel your pain i really do. My Ds started nursery at 9 mths (i manage the nursery) and was ill for months! If i could have given up work and pulled him out at that point i would have done.....but forward to now, he's 2 1/2 and very healthy. My friends Ds started at 3 at nursery, went through same thing.

I think your right give it another month or two and see what happens. I'm not sure if you do but we started my DS on boots multivitamin syrup and i swear that was the turning point for us. I give it every day religiously.

Good luck

Yanbu.

yanbu FoxAche. DD1 went to a large nursery and she was ill all the time. It was really exhausting, like you mentioned I felt like a full-time nurse and hardly got any sleep. It was miserable for her too, for 18 months it was one thing or another.
DD2 went to a childminder. This has been so much better. Yes she does fall ill at the childminders, but certainly not to the same extent as DD1 did at her nursery. Ofcourse they need to build their immunity, but I think it can be done in a gentler way and large nurseries can be particularly bad as there are so many children your child comes in contact with. Also they can all be enclosed in a small space and things spread quicker.
Having an ill 2 year old is harder than having an ill reception age child, so I don't really get this argument about them being ill now will make them not so ill at reception.
Have you thought about looking for a childminder? In your situation I would think that would be better and your older child could start going to a nursery when he is three, atleast your baby will be older too.

What will you do about child being ill in school time. how do you know the bugs are only picked up at nursery. Softplay, signing etc
i would get child checked out by Gp, all of mine have been to nursery and never as ill as yours

coccyx how do I know the bugs are being picked up from nursery/softplay/signing? I don't. What I do know is that in the year and a half before ds1 started nursery he was never this ill all the time. It's only since starting nursery that he's started picking up all these bugs. And it seems pretty obvious doesn't it? Being in close proximity to numerous other children more than just a couple of hours a week.

His health is otherwise fine. Like I said, he never picked up much more than a slight sniffle before starting nursery.

I think the point is that you can't really avoid these bugs, he's going to catch them sooner or later, and in my experience it's completely unrealistic to expect them not to pick things up from other children.

However, he doesn't need to be there, it is harder to cope with illnesses in younger children, and if it's making your life harder, there doesn't seem to be an awful lot of point.

My 15mo has all the symptoms you are describing at the moment - cough, runny nose, night waking etc, but he is still playing perfectly happily despite being covered in snot. So although he has a cold, I wouldn't call him ill. And he's at home on a Thursday and Friday, before anyone suggests he is passing things on to other children at nursery.

Oh op, I can sympathise. DD started preschool in January and she's gone from robust and healthy at all times to constant coughs and colds. She's also had slapped cheek, 2 ear infections, conjunctivitis and tonsillitis. I actually saw the GP as I was so worried about it and he said it's utterly, utterly normal and it's because she's got to 3 without being in any childcare setting away from me. When at any other group, I was always there, washing her hands, monitoring what she was doing etc.

And having stood and really looked at the other children as they pour out of preschool, it's hardly surprising. There's always at least 2 coughing, several with slimy green noses, one rubbing its eyes, another looking lethargic. I'm not surprised they're all germ sharing. Especially as they go in in a morning dosed up on calpol and looking fine. By 3pm they're flagging and it's clear that some of them shouldn't be there.

I just keep telling myself that it's better now than at school. I've considered taking her out because the lack of sleep from coughing, the 3 rounds of antibiotics and the change in her mood has been really upsetting but actually it is slowly improving. She has a cold atm but is fairly happy with it, no temp and she's brushing it off. In Jan she had high temps, lethargy, off food etc as soon as the sneezing started so she's starting to manage it.

It's miserable though. Utterly, utterly miserable. You go from enjoying your child to tending to the ongoing symptoms and changed personality from lack of sleep and feeling generally miserable. But 3 months in, we're getting there. The GP said he would expect up to 6 months of very regular bugs but would also expect significant improvement in how hard they hit by 3 months in and especially with the better weather. He was right.

I have to take real offence at that SOH, despite the fact that I know it wasn't aimed at me. Ds was in nursery on Tuesday and Wednesday this week with a snotty nose and a cough. I would never, ever, dose him up and send him in. But I know when he needs to stay at home and when he doesn't, and when he is playing fine and eating and drinking, I consider him well enough to go to nursery.

Christ, if he stayed off nursery every time he got a cold I would never be in work.

No, no you've completely misunderstood me. I said 'some of them shouldn't be there'. I mean children crying in the corner with a temp. And I've listened to the nursery manager saying to the parents of the same children over and over again that they MUST keep them at home when they have high temps/d&v. The same child that was sent in with infective conjunctivitis 2 weeks ago (she was sent home at lunchtime because of the green pus), was back in on Tuesday with impetigo.

I help out there twice a week and the staff are sick to the back teeth of children being sent in after a dose of calpol/ibuprofen and within a couple of hours their temp being 40 and them listless and in tears/vomiting/glassy-eyed.

I do NOT mean coughs and colds when I refer to children that shouldn't be there.

And I also meant it as reassurance. People on this thread are telling the op it's not normal for her child to catch this many things and to see the GP. I was pointing out that if you look at the children at the nursery/preschool, generally there will be at least 2 or 3 with some kind of symptoms. So there are germs going round.

I send dd in with coughs/colds. Of course I do. I DON'T send her in with d&v, sky high temps and infectious diseases. Other people do.