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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that it's always me

40 replies

mycatoscar · 16/03/2011 11:40

who has to take the day off when dd is sick

I got a call this morning just after I have started teaching to say dd was sick and the childminder couldnt deliver her to school

so i sorted cover for my class, explained the planning etc and came to collect her. I don't get paid at all for today.

I called dh when I got home and said what about tomorrow, well apparently it's too hard for him to take the day off so I have to do it again

I feel really peed off, it isnt easy for either of us to take a day off so how come he gets a choice and I dont?

OP posts:
ringoffire · 16/03/2011 11:42

Grow a pair and tell him tough shit he has to take the day off as you can't

GypsyMoth · 16/03/2011 11:44

give the childminder and school HIS number to try first for these things...

compo · 16/03/2011 11:44

Well if you don't get paid if you're off sick does that mean you're on a temporary contract?
My dh is the main earner so we see his job as more important to keep his boss happy iyswim
although it is a pita

BristolJim · 16/03/2011 11:46

What does he do? Does he get paid for the time off? Does he earn more than you, in which case missing out on your salary would be the logical choice? Does he work further away from the school than you.

Thare are many reasons why you may be being U.

Original poster
mycatoscar · 16/03/2011 11:47

I did tell him he needs to do his share and he started on about how difficult it will be

problem is, I can see his point, he is a builder and if he isnt there to supervise they may miss a deadline for friday, which is worth a lot of money.

However, he could take it as holiday paid. Whilst I am unpaid unless its actually me that is ill. I also have some very important and dealine type stuff to do tomorrow but because it wont loose anyone any money apparently that doesnt count.

If I have to take tomorrow off too then I will be in a lot of trouble at work, its in my contract that I get one day (unpaid) to sort out emergency childcare, but there is no one to help

OP posts:
KnittedBreast · 16/03/2011 11:48

yanbu for being pissed off. my dp acts the same way. god forbid he should stay home.

Original poster
mycatoscar · 16/03/2011 11:49

the childminder did try to phone, but his mobile was turned off

in terms of daily salary we earn about the same, except that he can take a days paid holiday and I have to take unpaid leave (I only get paid if it is me that is ill, not if it's my child)

and no I am on a permanent contract

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 16/03/2011 11:49

YANBU. I don't get paid for being off sick either, but my ex-husband wouldn't dream of taking a day off if one of our children is sick. He also doesn't do it for school holidays. It seems to be my sole responsibility to sort out childcare for sickness/holidays.

I actually texted him the other day because his fiancée had come home from work on Friday with sickness. It was his weekend to have the children, and instead of asking me if he could send them home, he kept them and when he brought them home on the Sunday evening, my daughter was complaining of feeling unwell. By the time Monday came, I couldn't send her to school and therefore couldn't go to work. So I sent him a message requesting that he let me know if either he or his fiancée are ill, so that I can keep the children home and hopefully avoid this happening as much as possible.

He didn't reply Angry

Original poster
mycatoscar · 16/03/2011 11:50

oh, and I dont get any holiday allowance in these circumstances, because I am a teacher so my holidays are set

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 16/03/2011 11:51

YANBU

FabbyChic · 16/03/2011 11:51

The pitfalls of having children I'm afraid. Do you not have family that would be able to look after your child?

Original poster
mycatoscar · 16/03/2011 11:52

yes I realise that, but why is it only my pitful Fabby?

and no my mum is the only one who could help and she is abroad for a month

OP posts:
BristolJim · 16/03/2011 11:53

I think you're both guilty of being a little bit short-sighted to be honest. Children get ill and you need to sit down and put in some place some contingency plans if it is too inconvenient for either of you to take time off at short notice.

Winging it in the hope that they will never get ill, then bickering about it when they do is not really a long term plan.

Original poster
mycatoscar · 16/03/2011 11:55

My mum is the contingency plan when she is here

she is on holiday

do other people honestly have someone permanently on call to collect sick children? Honestly?

OP posts:
Original poster
mycatoscar · 16/03/2011 11:56

if anyone has any ideas for contingency plans then I am very willing to listen.

However, all the other parents I know where both people work, just share the time off between them. That is what I am annoyed about.

OP posts:
BigBadMummy · 16/03/2011 11:56

I am with you on this.

It is me that does in our house. But then it is me that opens curtains / clears up from the night before in the morning / etc etc.

Feel for you. It sucks.

BristolJim · 16/03/2011 12:00

Well if it works for them, then fine, but it obviously doesn't work for you. It's a pain that it is inconvenient for you, but simply making it also inconvenient for your partner is merely transferring the problem, not solving it.

I'm sure you'll get plenty of 'men are selfish idiots' comments and pointless life stories, but you have a problem when your mum is not available and you need to solve it. Whinging on the internet is not going to solve it.

Original poster
mycatoscar · 16/03/2011 12:00

funnily enough he could manage to take time off for a funeral a few weeks back (distant relative) and for a dentist's appointment at the beginning of the year.

It;s difficult for both of us, I feel therefore that we should delegate to my mum whereever possible and when not possible then it should be shared.

But it is always me that sorts it out, always and always me whose wage is short that month. I am sick of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
mycatoscar · 16/03/2011 12:01

so what do you suggest bristoljim?

Honestly, if there is an option i am willing to try it. Is there a team of people who look after sick children so their parents can work?

OP posts:
AyeRobot · 16/03/2011 12:02

I bet he does fuck all around the house too.

compo · 16/03/2011 12:04

A funeral is a bit different!

Being a builder it is hard to just not turn up without notice as it puts the whole project back especially if he's the one giving the orders

Original poster
mycatoscar · 16/03/2011 12:04

no, he does some stuff around the house. I do most, but thats because I work part time.

This is the one issue we really disagree about.

OP posts:
FunnysInTheGarden · 16/03/2011 12:05

Covering children's illnesses is a total PITA and I can sympathise. I have had to take today off as the baby is ill, but we do share it between us. It inconvenient for either of you and so to pull the old 'my job is more important than yours' is very unfair.

DH and I both work full time in professional jobs (he is a teacher actually), but when either of the DC are ill we have the discussion in advance as to who is the most busy and then decide who takes the day off. There have been weeks when we have had to alternate days etc.

You really need to work it out between you, and he has to see that it is his responsibility too.

BTW YANBU

AyeRobot · 16/03/2011 12:06

He doesn't seem to value your work, does he?

Is it because you are part-time? i.e. on a practical level, you don't have to take as much time off paid work.

Original poster
mycatoscar · 16/03/2011 12:07

Thanks for all the comments

I just wish he would realise that funnysinthegarden, that it isnt just my problem!

Even if we discussed it and decided I had to take that day off it would be better than, the "well why's that my problem" attitude I get from dh at the moment

OP posts:
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