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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to call dh a dickhead?

62 replies

littlepigshavebigears · 15/03/2011 18:41

DS2 has been off school today with a hacking cough and bad cold. A few hours ago he vomited copiously all over the living room - I am pretty sure it was "proper" vomiting rather than just brought on by the cough. It smelled like hell.

I explained to ds2 that he can't have any dinner tonight, only water, because we don't want to feed the bugs in his tummy and make him poorly for longer. He had a little cry and said he was hungry Sad to which I gave much sympathy and cuddles, and he accepted it. DH and I had spoken and agreed that he couldn't have anything.

dh is in the kitchen making food for ds1. DS2 just came to me with a half-finished smoothie with the straw popped out, asking me to put it back in for him. Apparently dh said he could have it.

Dickhead! AIBU?

OP posts:
buttonmooncup · 15/03/2011 18:59

I wouldn't feel a bitch cos you were just trying to do your best but sometimes kids can be sick as a one off. I would always feed dd/ds if they ask for food. Something bland if I was concerned about them being sick. Generally when they have been able to keep nothing down they haven't wanted to eat anyway.

thisisyesterday · 15/03/2011 18:59

why should he have spoken to you first?

he's just as much a parent as you are. or do his decisions not matter as much as yours?

controlpantsandgladrags · 15/03/2011 19:01

If he was only sick once and it was a few hours ago I would give him food if he wants to eat.........just something plain. If he had a tummy bug I would have thought he would have vomited more than once and wouldn't feel like eating anyway.

Original poster
littlepigshavebigears · 15/03/2011 19:02

thisisyesterday, because we had spoken about it ten minutes earlier and agreed that we weren't giving him anything other than water

if I had known dh was going to give him a carton of sugars I would have suggested we try and piece of toast instead, probably

I am not a vile dictator, honestly. I love my dh and respect him as a parent. We call each other low-grade insults because that is our sense of humour and the tone of our relationship. I AM a bit annoyed with dh. And with myself. And my gp.

Should I tell ds2 that if he keeps the smoothie down he can have a sandwich before bed, or something?

I thought I was doing the right thing, really Sad

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 15/03/2011 19:03

It's not about being a bitch or a dickhead though, is it? His instinct was to give the child something light he'd hopefully keep down, and yours was to interpret your doctor's advice of nothing but water for a tummy bug. It is just a difference of approach- not something to get all het up about. Are you always fiery and dramatic, or just stressed out at the moment at the thought of your little boy being ill?

BitOfFun · 15/03/2011 19:03

I keep x-posting with you!

thisisyesterday · 15/03/2011 19:04

yeah and then he asked for a smoothie and your husband made the decision that it'd be ok- why does he have to run it past you first?
do you check every single decision you make with him too?

and if smoothies are so awful why do you have them? Hmm

i actually don't think it's a bad thing to give to a child who has been puking tbh.

Hullygully · 15/03/2011 19:05
thisisyesterday · 15/03/2011 19:05

maybe he thought that it's basically a drink, but with a bit more goodness...?

buttonmooncup · 15/03/2011 19:05

I do agree that it was weird of him to give the smoothie after you'd agreed on no food. Did he forget or was he trying to give it without you knowing or something?

Original poster
littlepigshavebigears · 15/03/2011 19:05

that wasn't his instinct though BOF, unless he lied to me ten minutes ago, which would be a bit odd

I think he agreed that he shouldn't have anything because that is what the gp told us, but then caved in when he saw ds2 was upset. Which I can understand I suppose. Maybe I am upset because I kept my end of the bargain and dealt with a crying child because we;d agreed that was what was best, and then he gave him something

I am upset, anyway. But it's not your problem. Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
littlepigshavebigears · 15/03/2011 19:06

thisiyesterday if we had just agreed on a course of action for a sick child and ten minutes later I changed my mind, then yes of COURSE I would run it by him first

OP posts:
buttonmooncup · 15/03/2011 19:07

I agree thisisyesterday. I've always been told that if they can keep it down give them any drink, soup or whatever as dehydration is the only real danger with a sickness bug.

Hullygully · 15/03/2011 19:07

YANBU

Dickhead. Even possibly arse.

Original poster
littlepigshavebigears · 15/03/2011 19:07

should I offer him something else?

I want to do the right thing! I thought we were doing. Sad

OP posts:
buttonmooncup · 15/03/2011 19:09

I'd see how he goes with the smoothie for a bit then if he's still hungry a small portion of something bland before bed?

FuppyGish · 15/03/2011 19:09

is that you BOF? Or has someone hacked your account?? Confused

SocialChameleon · 15/03/2011 19:09

littlepigs don't feel bad, I'd think my DH was being a dickhead if we had a conversation about something, agreed on a plan, then he went away and did the exact opposite.

dont allow anyone to question your relationship, you know the man and know what to say and what not to say.

your wee man is sick and it's stressful for you, you're going by the advice given by the gp. do what you feel is best. I wouldn't give a sick child a smoothie either tbh

i think your OP was pretty much a "get it off your own chest" thread rather than actually asking for advice.

Hope he gets better and DH listens in future :)

mumbar · 15/03/2011 19:09

I use to follow the no food only water if DS sick. I learnt though for him at least if only asked for food and sweet drinks if he felt well enough. It may be you DS2 vomiting removed the bugs and he feels well??

DS once didn't eat for 5 days with ENT infection yet vomited once everywhere (having refused lunch) and had a cheestring 10 minutes later followed by dinner, pudding and more snacks. Smile

YANBU to be annoyed as it was agreed and you felt you were doing the best but TBH if he feels well enough to eat/ drink I'd let him. (and still oput DH on vomit duty Wink)

JsOtherHalf · 15/03/2011 19:09

DS was ill last week overnight - the next day he only had toast (with a scraping of jam). He understood it was because he wanted his tummy to get better.

Although, if the smoothie was mostly banana, it might be OK...?

If anyone in the house has D+V, I go with Banana Rice Apple Toast (BRAT) for the first 24 hours.

larrygrylls · 15/03/2011 19:11

Sugar is really easy to digest as it is a relatively small molecule and replaces some of the salts that he has lost. Think oral rehydration solution. To me, one vomit does not a vomiting bug make and if he is hungry I would give him a plain sandwich.

SocialChameleon · 15/03/2011 19:11

scrambled eggs and toast - little bit

IMissSleep · 15/03/2011 19:12

Your child, your choice.

It seems the sensible thing to do not to give any food if he's sick. I'm sure if he seemed better later u would of given him something. It's upsetting seeing your child sick And you was probably more upset at the thought of your child being sick again more than anything? No big deal.

Have a glass of wine Wine

BitOfFun · 15/03/2011 19:13

Dunno- am I being weird? I just spent the last half hour cleaning up child's diarrhoea and wondering how my life came to this...perhaps that's it?

BoattoBolivia · 15/03/2011 19:18

I agree with everything social chameleon said. Take it easy on yourself. X