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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt by my brother?

32 replies

Catnao · 15/03/2011 17:39

My mum just rang me, and said, "Have you heard from X?" (one of my brothers).

I said "No, not for ages, why?"

Mum: "Oh - well he and Z and have decided to get married!"

Me: "Oh! When did this all happen?"

Mum: "Oh, about ten days ago!"

Me: "No - why didn't you mention it?" (I speak to my mum or dad or both most nights - sad I know!)

She said, "Well I thought I'd wait til he told you himself".

Which he hasn't. Not a peep. We are not close, but I did think I might get this kind of news - I have always been friendly with my (as I discover) future sister - in - law too.

I assume I will not be needing a hat!

OP posts:
justpaddling · 15/03/2011 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateTheCrone · 15/03/2011 17:53

well, you're not close he's a bloke.

He probably thought your mum would tell you and it's no big deal.

Original poster
Catnao · 15/03/2011 17:54

Well. Maybe he assumes I won't find out, so he won't have to invite us, or tell us we're NOT invited. (Paranoid, much?)

OP posts:
Original poster
Catnao · 15/03/2011 17:55

I don't think I can ring to congratulate him, since he hasn't told me!

OP posts:
HecateTheCrone · 15/03/2011 17:57

oh come on. now you're being silly. and petty. Grin

I very much doubt he is thinking about this! He hasn't rung you to tell you. You're not close! He no doubt has simply assumed your mum will tell you.

Don't sulk. Grin Just text congrats and stop overthinking.

Original poster
Catnao · 15/03/2011 17:57

sulks Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
Catnao · 15/03/2011 18:02

The bugger is crap at staying in contact anyway. He is my son's godfather (we were closer a decade ago when we lived in the same city! Wink) and seems to have forgotten about his nephew's birthday since he was five, or at least had a mental block and moved it to October, when it is very definitely in August....

OP posts:
HecateTheCrone · 15/03/2011 18:08

He's a bloke!!!

Look. forget about him. Cast him aside. He's a lost cause Grin

Get close with his fiancee. Get yourself a sister. Grin

Then the bugger will have no choice but to put up with you in his life Wink

squeakytoy · 15/03/2011 18:10

He probably assumed your parents have told you (correctly), and is perhaps waiting for you to get in touch with him..

Original poster
Catnao · 15/03/2011 18:11

May ring him up and throw a flounce - I have reverted to about 8 years old or so when he nicked my calculator watch and broke it... Grin

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Original poster
Catnao · 15/03/2011 18:13

Or I could set the scrap metal paople on him....Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Catnao · 15/03/2011 18:14

people

OP posts:
HecateTheCrone · 15/03/2011 18:27

oh yes.

tell him s'not fair and he smells of poo. Grin

IreneHeron · 15/03/2011 18:30

My brother got married and didn't tell any of us for 10 years. We are supposedly close.

brass · 15/03/2011 18:48

If you want a relationship with your brother then have one! You ring your parents every night but admit you and your brother are not very close. It is reasonable to assume that he thought she would pass the news on to you. He is probably sitting there wondering why you haven't rung to congratulate them.

Don't be petty. Just ring him and say sorry, you just found out and how happy you are for them both. Invite them to dinner or arrange to go out to celebrate.

Make some effort on your part before you start playing the victim. And don't have a relationship with them through your parents if you want to be involved in their future life together.

ddubsgirl · 15/03/2011 18:57

mine didnt even tell me his wife was pregnant nor when she lost the baby,i found out on facebook by others.
familys really suck at times

Original poster
Catnao · 15/03/2011 18:58

I sent him a message saying "Our mother has just informed me that you and Z are getting married. Many congrats! Cx

Was that too flouncy??

OP posts:
minibmw2010 · 15/03/2011 19:03

Well it sounds childish ... surely it would have been better to say "I heard about the wedding, I'm so pleased for you both". By saying "our Mother" it makes the rest of your text sound slightly fake, sorry.

Original poster
Catnao · 15/03/2011 19:11

Thought so after I sent it! Oh well - it is sent now - I should've sent when not in a sulk I suppose. Blush

OP posts:
DurhamDurham · 15/03/2011 19:20

He's a man, he prob just assumed that your mum would tell you. Which she did. Men just don't seem to get this need to communicate (huge generalisation, I know)

Original poster
Catnao · 15/03/2011 19:28

Thing is, I know we are not close in terms of seeing each other at all often these days - he lives 300 miles away, for a start, but I do send him messages on FB and cards/letters from my son to which I add a postcript, and I just felt like this was fairly major news and the sort he would have told me - esp as my mum obviously thought he would have by now too, from what she said.

OP posts:
unfitmother · 15/03/2011 19:31

You know YABU.

Original poster
Catnao · 15/03/2011 19:33

I don't though! I'm just a bit surprised I care this much! Honestly! I think he could have told me this, there is no "estrangement" just not a huge closeness either.

Am resisting contacting other brothers to find out if they have been told by X of this development....

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DurhamDurham · 15/03/2011 19:44

My brother didn't even invite me to his wedding.We travelled over 200 miles just to go to the night time 'do'.
I wasn't overjoyed but could not see the point in falling out with family, eventually you forget why you fell out in the first place. Bad feeling can wreak havoc in families.

My sister wasn't invited eiher and she took it very badly, she hasn't really forgiven my brother even now. The wedding was 8 years ago.

notsweatingthesmallstuff · 15/03/2011 20:05

Your text looks like a lighthearted little dig to me, and certainly wouldnt offend any of my brothers. In our family we rely on the parents to tell us what is happening in everyones lives, and on the rare occasions when I see some of them I often remember why we dont keep in touch more! I do know though that if I had a problem and asked for help they would be there, and thats all you need really, I think.