DH having a vasectomy at 27?

[BarbieLovesKen]

Im 29 weeks pregnant with number 3, we're fairly sure that our family is now complete.

I probably would have considered a possible fourth in a few years, if DH really wanted it but being honest, I really, really struggle with being pregnant and the thoughts of another pregnancy really fills me with dread. I dont think I could bear to this again (despite being very aware how lucky I am). Also, DH isnt looking for a fourth , he says he feels very happy with our lot.

I can imagine most of you are thinking Im being premature considering number 3 isnt yet here but am pretty sure our family will be perfect for us after this ones arrival. We adore our babies but arent mad about the actual baby stage - love it when they are over 2 and can chat and interact more and are well.. easier - thats why we planned dc2 and 3 so close together - to get it over with so we could start to really enjoy them together.

We adore our dc (obviously) but want time to enjoy them properly. Any more additions to our house would significantly cut down on the time and attention we can give each child. Im thinking ahead here to the teen years (despite ours being just 5 and 1 at the minute) and want to give them alot of individual time.

Financially, we're working on it, we're ok compared to many and are young still. We're both working full time and Im studying for my degree - we both are fairly ambitious and have achievable career plans that should make us financially comfortable in a couple of years - financially comfortable for a family of 5 that is - in respect to the life we want for our children - some travel/ college fees etc... another would cause us to struggle.

In ways 4 sounds like a lovely rounded number but it goes against so many other practical things for us as a family and would affect our (current) dc. We've changed the car to a scenic to comfortably fit 3 car seats but another would mean we'd need a people carrier. We have a four bed house - we want each one to have their own bedroom - a little bit of privacy but with 4 children, 2 would have to share.

The cost of another one in childcare for another 5 years would cripple us! we're thinking that now, we'll be free from that horrible expense in roughly 4 years.

This came up recently when chatting some family members and DH said he was getting the "snip". The response was one of complete and we were told (by everyone there) that we were absolutely insane to consider doing this when we were our age (25 and 27).

I had dd at 20, ds at 24 and this one (hopefully) will arrive when Im 25. We've spent alot of our 20s having babies, we dont intend to spend our 30s doing it to.

I have to admit it did make me think though. As so many times I've though I've known it all and I look back now and - some things age can only teach you. Would it be insane to do something so permanent this young?

Would love to hear opinions. Should age be a deciding factor? the group we spoke to (the majority) seemed to think sterilisation shouldnt be considered before age 40.

Mummy2Bookie - female sterilisation is under general anaesthetic and is an invasive surgery, not to mention the fact that the OP will have gone through three births (not easy, and a tremendous strain on the body) as well as three pregnancies (which the OP has said she has really struggled with). Male sterilisation is under local anaesthetic, done as an out-patient procedure on a Friday morning and they are back at work by Monday. It's not the same. I think you could equally argue that it's selfish to expect the OP (or any woman) to put her body through another major event, especially when her DH is agreeing to it .

princess and jesus although I feel very, very sure now (and dh definately seems to be), Im notoriously indecisive and a worrier and am afraid I'll make the wrong decision and regret it. Typical of me though.

Mumwithadragontattoo - on the NHS my sister got her tubes tied at the age of 22 (after a lot of discussion with Drs)

she's never once wavered in her conviction that it was right for her. funnily enough she does babysit for us, but defintely knew what she wanted from being a small kid. who are we to judge what is right or wrong for others?

why is 27 too young to decide to NOT have children, when it's not too young to be legally, financially and parentally responsible for 3 other little ones?

the only thing that should matter here is the liklihood of upset should the couple want more children - and that has NOTHING to do with some blanket rule about what age is or is not appropriate to get yourself sterilised/vasectomy

I was sterilised at 32 after 2 kids as I did not want to worry for 20 more years about getting pregnant. Day case and up and about fairly quickly afterwards. Far less painful than a b2b labour and ventouse extraction.

(what Minnie said also -- I point blank wouldnt consider female sterilisation, as its quite a serious operation and for dh it isnt. Id rather go on another form of contraception to be honest. Ill admit though, I also do think he has to take some responsibility for this kind of thing though. I've been on and off various types of contraception since I was 17 for our family planning (8 years of it), have had one miscarraige and given birth to 3 of our children, I think he can contribute somewhat to family planning also - and he has never had an issue with this at all/ would completely agree)

sorry, didnt mean to highlight all that

My brother and my DH were both 25 when they had a vasectomy.
I would wait 'til your DC3 is about a year old for the final decision.
(I am not getting into a debate about which partner has the sterilisation).

just wanted to add that i've been looking into a new procedure for female sterilisation which doesn't involve a general anesthetic

google "essure" - big in the USA but i only found out about it because a newspaper article my sister sent me last year, saying her local hospital had just started offering it. i have been meaning to look into it a bit more myself when we finally decide which of us is going through with it (no hurry, have other BC methods in place) - DH has some health issues which i'm keen not to aggravate. but since i 'd never heard of it before i thought i should add it into the discussion.

i think on the whole it is much safer AND reliable for men to get done rather than women, for the record, even with the non-invastive female form.

Sorry if my posting seemed to suggest that somehow female sterilization and male sterilization are comparable.

The point is perhaps tinged with personal experience in that a family member was sure she didn't want more children and kind of made the husband do it?? Of course there were complications and it didn't turn out to be a day patient operation ....

There just seems to be such a finality about it and, like all procedures, it isn't merely a snip and doesn't come with guarantees or no consequences.

Barbie - You've obviously thought about it really carefully so it may well be the best solution for your family. I would definitely suggest he waits until the babies are a bit older though. Maybe wait until your youngest is 2 or 3 just to make sure it is the right decision.

Good luck with baby number 3!

frgr - I'm not really saying that a blanket rule re minimum age is appropriate more that I wouldn't want op and her dh to do something they might live to regret if their life circumstances change. I think 27 is very young to say definitely, never, ever to the possibility of having a child when circumstances might be very different in future. Let's face it lots of men try to get vasectomies reversed when they re-marry and want another child. They presumably thought it was a good idea when they had it done.

I was sterilised when DC3 was born. This was my third CS and as we had only planned 2 DCs we felt that we should shut the shop quickly before any further happy accidents occured.

Once or twice shortly after I was a little sad about the permanence of it but my logical side soon reminded me that this was what we really wanted. Talking to the male midwife who had a vesectomy after his second - he said that he and his wife shed a few tear when the 'all clear' came through. Not regret but just a little sadness at that moment.

Three DCs is an awful lot of children IME - the world seems to be designed for 2 adults and 2 DCs. I always feel as though we over-crowd everywhere we go (GPs especially). This isnt a criticism of people have more than 3 just an observation.

I am glad we stopped where we did and have no regrets that we did it permanently.

My mom was sterilised at the age of 25 following my arrival. She knew her family was complete and has never regretted it.

My dh wants to get sterilised after our second child as it is a less invasive procedure for him and we seem to pretty fertile too. DC1 took less than a month of pretty half-arsed trying to be conceived after having coil removed.

I have never understood the idea that you would want to have more children if your children died. It's the way that it is presented as if you could somehow replace the child that was lost (in no way is this a criticism of what people do do - it's just my thought which is why dh doesn't mind being sterilised).

I would lvoe DH to have the snip but the daft bugger went and googled it and found loads of horror stories!

We decided it was the right thing in our early 20's, DH was 22 and I was 21. We already had a son and a daughter, and we knew we didn't want any more. Many people were shocked, but they got over it. It is more then a decade since, and we haven't regretted it either

Think it is important (in a good way) that your DH has decided it's what he wants to do, and he feels, as you do, that your family will be complete with DC3. I think it shows a lot of maturity and consideration on a man's part to come to this decision.

Kind of assuming that you ( and your doctors) will at least wait until DC3 is safely here. Good luck with it all. When's your baby due ?

I'm sure it will all work out fine, but I suppose a big decision like vasectomy does tend to make you ask a lot of complicated questions !

Advice may be to leave it for a couple of years. Your DH would be nearer to 30 then too. And you would have had more time to reflect on whether your family does indeed feel complete. However that would leave the slightly tricky dilemma of what to do about contraception in the meantime. And from your history could easily end up with those 4 children, and 3 youngest very close in age !

I'm sure you could discuss all this with a sympathetic doctor or other health professionals.

You seem a very mature couple
Every blessing for you and your family !

Hi all, thanks a million for the replies - interesting stuff.

jugglingjo Thank you we would definately be waiting until dc3 has arrived - probably would be late this year/ early next year, that said I am considering the advice from yourself and others here who have said it may be wise to wait until this one is 2 or 3. This baby is due end of May/ start of June (2 dates given)

lvoe DH to have the snip but the daft bugger went and googled it and found loads of horror stories

doesn't he consider the considerable health risk of getting pregnant/potentially miscarrying a child to you though?

i admit i'm always shocked when i hear stuff re: DHs "refusing" to have vasectomies, or things like you posted e.g. being "squeamish" or not wanting potential side effects

if he is genuinely caring, he will want to shoulder the responsibility of family planning with you. pumping your body full of hormones, having things inserted, carrying babies to term - I (personally) feel that men have a duty to walk the line when it comes to permanent sterilisation if they are in a loving, permanent relationship where the couple is 100% certain they're not going to have a change of heart. All other things being equal of course, such as that I'm assuming your DH has no health issues that would be affected by a vasectomy/a real fear of even minor surgery. Esp when you consider the much, much better reliability rate of male sterilisation and the fact that it's much less intrusive.

frgr - I agree to an extent however in my case it was more important that I didnt risk a fourth CS (on medical advice) rather than DH & I didnt have more children. Given that the surgeon was going to be rummaging around getting DC3 out it made sense to be sterilised at the same time.

I think it does depend on what works for the couple.

GnomeDePlume, 100% agree

OP I don't think YABU :)

My mum was sterilised at 25 and she has never regretted it. She had no problems but she did have 5 and she nearly lost the youngest twice.

I think your wise to wait until the LO is about a year and you've sensibly not risen to the people spouting bollocks on here.

Good luck to you

If you've got 3 already (or 2 with 3rd on the way) and you are absolutely sure you don't want anymore then I'd say got for it or take control of your destiny in some other way. We delayed and ended up with a 4th after agreeing that 3 was enough. The pressures of too many children have led us to feel a fair amount of resentment over the last couple of years. Having said that, we're very happy with 4 now and in many ways it now seems easier with 4, so if a mishap does happen, it's not a disaster!

The op is a relatively straight forward procedure and not as bad as people say.

It's pretty well accepted now that there's no causal link between vasectomy and prostate/testicular cancer. Google Vasectomy cancer rates and see links to studies published in the British Medical Journal. Apparently, the confusion comes because some studies suggest increased DETECTION of such cancers in men who've had vascetomies (ie men who are generally more aware of their 'bits' and their associaed health 'down below')

I've never heard of vasectomy ever being linked to testicular cancer. My DH had TC last year and I've read widely of risk factors and never heard vasectomy as one. If anyone does find a study, please post a link as I'm obviously interested in the topic.

Oh yeah, I missed that you were currently pregnant with number 3. You can probably tell them that if you end up having a CS you want your tubes tied, too. May as well get a two for one ! Otherwise your DH should have his done.

However if you really want 4 kids then wait, only until after you've had that one though, there's no sense in waiting until some silly age limit. :)

My dh had a vasectomy 3 weeks before ds2 was born. The referral was done quite early in the pregnancy, maybe 4mths ish? The delay was down to waiting lists, I think it was 16 weeks. He was older than your dh but me being pregnant was not an issue with the GP.