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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DS has taken a dislike to old people

86 replies

bupcakesandcunting · 14/03/2011 14:45

And I find it amusing Blush

We were on the bus last week and he started getting really agitated and fidgetty. When I asked him what was up he said "All the old people are making me sad" I asked him why and he said they all looked grey.

Then today I picked him up from pre-school and I said I needed to nip to Aldi to buy some bread. He started wailing in the street "ALDI IS STUPID AND FULL OF OLD PEOPLE"

Anyway, he seems not to like OAPS. Which I kind of feel bad about because he attracts old people like bears to honey. AIBU to chuckle when he gets OAP rage? He is only three, btw.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 14/03/2011 17:49

I think that it is entirely reasonable for him to think that way, if he is only watching and doesn't know any elderly people.
I just don't think that it is reasonable to think it funny and it is something you need to put right fairly quickly.
You would be embarrassed if he made comments about colour of skin, someone being obese, or badly handicapped (something a yr old may well do) and yet someone old is just amusing.

exoticfruits · 14/03/2011 17:49

Sorry 3 yr old

QuintessentialShadows · 14/03/2011 17:53

It is neither charming nor funny. It is bad mannered. And if a three year old is persistently doing this, and your are chuckling (even if looking away) you are failing to teach your child manners, and the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 14/03/2011 17:59

His manners are fine, honestly. I have no worries on that front.

This was more about an odd dislike that he's developed. Fair enough I haven't come down on him over it but I have spoken to him about nanna being old and how much he loves her in spite of her advanced age (64!)

I don't find it funny because of the target if his disdain, more the oddness if it. Really wasn't expected to be painted out as some elderly folk-hating witch.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 14/03/2011 18:01

There you go- 64 isn't old! Women of that age still work, run marathons, sail around the world etc. (they no longer sit in rocking chairs knitting!)

exoticfruits · 14/03/2011 18:03

Sorry-missed tongue in cheek-just get fed up with seeing 'old biddy' and finding out they were only early 60s!

Firepile · 14/03/2011 18:03

Of course I didn't mean the 3 year old. I meant the adults who think it's OK to be rude about older people. Fairly obviously I would have thought.

Firepile · 14/03/2011 18:07

If it's any help, the comments were drafted in response to general comments about ageism on mnet, but other psoters in between might have not made that clear .

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 14/03/2011 18:07

The 64 was in brackets with an exclamation mark because obviously I don't think that MIL is elderly, despite being an OAP...

Let's not turn this into something it isn't. If DS was twelve and being such a divvy, I'd be having stern words. As it is, I think a little chat about it is fine.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 14/03/2011 18:11

I did apologise for not noticing the tongue in cheek. DS won't do it at 12 if you explain at 3yrs.

Scuttlebutter · 14/03/2011 18:31

Bupcakes, you came on AIBU and are now upset because people think you ARE BU. You've said yourself you were "chuckling" and finding it "amusing". You've raised the subject - what did you expect? Look at the horrific way older people are treated by the Health Service - I see a continuum between thinking it's OK to laugh at them/call them names etc and the eventual comtempt/abuse they get at the end of their lives.

I'm with Seeker in being fed up with the continual ageism that is on MN - always seeing references to "old witch" or similar - really horrible. If I referred to children as "rugrats", "snotminers" or similar regularly on here, I'd be rightly condemned.

And no I don't think he'll turn into a "granny basher" (that's another horrible phrase) - but I'd like to think he will grow up to regard older people as just that, people, not monsters, or burdens, or just an item for jokes. One of my best friends is in her 70s - doing NVQs, leading celebrations for International Womens Day, teaching, campaigning and generally being an all round good egg - I don't even think about her age most of the time except when I read posts like yours and think "That's my friend you're laughing at, and it's not on."

seeker · 14/03/2011 18:39

And just try swapping "black" for "old" in your thread title and posts and see how that feels. Go on, then see if you can come back and say that it's OK for you to find his behaviour funny and not immediately tell him that he's being rude and must never, ever say anything like that again.

Of course he's not being ageist - he's 3. But you are, unless you act swiftly to stop him.

worraliberty · 14/03/2011 18:41

I think it's mildly amusing because it's such a random dislike...but I have to say my kids would have been met with a very hard stare and a stony response the first time. Hopefully then, there would have been no second time...but who knows.

exoticfruits · 14/03/2011 18:52

It isn't really a random dislike-3yr old notice anything different so they are likely to stare at anyone in strange dress for example.
He is only 3yrs but if he had said 'fat people make me sad' and 'Aldi is stupid-it is full of fat people' OP would be be very embarrassed, if he had the usual loud voice of a 3 yr old, and would be stopping him quickly-she certainly wouldn't start a thread inviting us to find him cute and amusing! OAPs just seem fair game-rather unfair as we will all, if lucky, be old one day.

COCKadoodledooo · 14/03/2011 19:05

many older people aren't slow, or unhappy, or aggressive, or deaf because they want to be, but because they are ill. Sure. And some are cantankerous old buggers and that's how they get their kicks Wink

Bupcakes if he has limited/no experience of being with elderly folk, then I'd say his reaction was entirely normal. Hell my reaction to kids was much the same before I had my own! Your idea about him meeting up with the folk you volunteer with is a good one imo.

Btw, every week ds2 and I go to a church thingy - coffee, then a service, then lunch. It's not exclusively marketed to the elderly of the parish, bu there's usually around 40 of them there. I go to help out (do the cooking once a month), ds2 goes to be surrogate great grandson. Ds2 has grown up with them (he's 16.5 months, been going since he was in the womb) and loves the adoration. Ds1 comes along in the school holidays too. He wasn't his usual ougoing bubbly self the first time he went. I asked why, and he said he was worried that he'd have to sit next to 'an elderly'. He's older (was 6 at the time) so I could reason with him a bit, let him know it wasn't contagious (not immediately anyway Wink). He never said anything in front of them though, and was polite when they spoke to him. He's been 5 or 6 times since then I guess, and each time he's opened up a bit more - the last time I couldn't drag him away he was chatting that much.

I was actually quite upset at his reaction initially tbh, it was unexpected, and these people are my friends.

TidyDancer · 14/03/2011 19:15

Wow. Not at all funny. Can't believe some people think it is. What a horrible thing to find funny.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 14/03/2011 19:23

"Bupcakes, you came on AIBU and are now upset because people think you ARE BU"

Not at all. I think I knew I was being U for finding it a bit funny, I think I just wanted it confirmed.

I am a bit surprised at a three year old being painted out to be the next Hitler because he has some ill-formed and unreasonable prejudice against the elderly. That's what got my back up, like a three year old has any notion of being ageist.

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 14/03/2011 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

seeker · 14/03/2011 20:18

"Of course he's not being ageist - he's 3. But you are, unless you act swiftly to stop him."

Just in case you missed my earlier post.

exoticfruits · 14/03/2011 20:59

I don't think that anyone is criticising the 3 yr old-just OP reaction to it.

seeker · 14/03/2011 21:36

In fact, people have gone out of their way NOT to criticize the 3 year old - but if you would rather not notice that becuae it means you don;t have to challenge your own attitiudes then.........[shrug]

xkittyx · 14/03/2011 21:53

I didn't find it funny at all either. Am shocked that anyone would.

pigletmania · 14/03/2011 22:12

YABU, you need to set a good example and not stoop down on his level by having a shifty chuckle. Its not acceptable to insult people in relation of sex and race, and age is no different. The elderly should not be game for a laugh, why should they be, you will be old one day too. Why dont you introduce him to some elderly people, they are so fascinating the stories that they tell from their youth.

BadaBingBang · 15/03/2011 00:04

I am glad it seems you've had a bit of a change of heart Bupcakes. Hope your DS can get over his dislike soon and develop some good relationships with older people. I think he could learn a lot about life from them.

seeker · 15/03/2011 06:27

Classic AIBU rewriting of history going on here!

Oh, and this is directed at some other posters. Old peoplea re not zoo animals, you know. They of course all have fascinating stories to tell - but they are not "anecdote slot machines".

They are people. Just like babies, or middle aged people or eternally youthful mumsnetters. Just people.