Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DS has taken a dislike to old people

86 replies

bupcakesandcunting · 14/03/2011 14:45

And I find it amusing Blush

We were on the bus last week and he started getting really agitated and fidgetty. When I asked him what was up he said "All the old people are making me sad" I asked him why and he said they all looked grey.

Then today I picked him up from pre-school and I said I needed to nip to Aldi to buy some bread. He started wailing in the street "ALDI IS STUPID AND FULL OF OLD PEOPLE"

Anyway, he seems not to like OAPS. Which I kind of feel bad about because he attracts old people like bears to honey. AIBU to chuckle when he gets OAP rage? He is only three, btw.

OP posts:
Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 14/03/2011 15:38

Well, he doesn't know many "proper" old people. MIL is 64 but a young 64 and my mum is 53. He has a great grandma but he never sees her as she lives ages away. The only old folk he interacts with are the ones who fawn over him in our village.

I volunteer with elderly people. I might take him out with me one day in the holidays when I take them to the garden centre or something. See if I can win him round that way.

OP posts:
seeker · 14/03/2011 15:41

Even 3 year olds can be reminded not to be ill mannered. And not encouraged in their mannerlessness by getting laughs.

NettoSuperstar · 14/03/2011 15:46

The first time I took DD (then 8) into my work she was terrified of the old people, and thought they'd grab her!
She got used to them though and loves them now.
She's going in next week to sing to them with her School Choir and can't wait.
It's strange really, as my Dad is 86 so it's not like she's never been around old folk before.

He'll get used to it, just gently remind him to be polite, but kids will be kids and will all do odd things often occasionally.Grin

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 14/03/2011 15:50

I did try to reason with him this morning but it fell on deaf ears.

It's just such a random thing to get in a tizzy about. I can't help but find it vaguely funny.

OP posts:
NettoSuperstar · 14/03/2011 16:17

I'd find it funny too.

DD went through a phase of calling one person on TV, 'brown'. She'd never seemed to notice, or mention that one of her best friends was the only mixed race child in Nursery, and never anyone else on TV, just this one man.
I found it funny.
She is still good friends with this child now, and her best friend is the only one who speaks English as a second language.
She's still never mentioned it!

seeker · 14/03/2011 16:17

You don't reason in circumstances like this. You say |That is a very rude thing to say, and if you say it again, there will be no {insert desirable thing de jour] today. Now, lets go and look at that digger"

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 14/03/2011 16:19

Well, I think that trying to talk about why he is WRONG is better than dictating to him about what he should/shouldn't think. But that's just me.

OP posts:
seeker · 14/03/2011 16:24

Just so long as you make sure he doesn't express himself in a way that upsets any "old people" near him then reason away. You're on a hiding to nothing at this age though!

Scuttlebutter · 14/03/2011 16:37

Sorry, I'm one of those who doesn't find this remotely amusing or funny. If your child kept pointing at say Chinese people and saying "Look Mummy, that person has slitty eyes" I doubt you would find it charming or endearing. Of course children occasionally say embarrassing things, but I'm quite sure your DS will pick up very quickly on the fact you seem to find this funny. Seems like mocking the elderly is still socially acceptable.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 14/03/2011 16:41

Only difference is it's actually a crime to make racially offensive comments. I don't think it's illegal to find old folk a bit strange.

I accept it's "not on" I do not accept that it's on a par with racist remarks Hmm

OP posts:
larrygrylls · 14/03/2011 16:50

"Well, I think that trying to talk about why he is WRONG is better than dictating to him about what he should/shouldn't think. But that's just me."

You cannot dictate how he thinks but you can certainly dictate how he behaves!You are clearly, at least subliminally, not very condemnatory of the behaviour so your son finds it OK to go on acting that way. And, amazingly, on this thread, a bunch of adults are saying that they share his perspective on the elderly. No wonder the NHS can treat them as if they were children minus the cuteness.

If my son behaved like that, I would be ashamed of him and he would certainly know about it.

NettoSuperstar · 14/03/2011 16:50

I was frightened of old people until I worked with them!

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 14/03/2011 16:54

Well, I'm NOT ashamed of him! He happens to be a sensitive, kind and sweet kid. He's just having a bit of a blip wrt to the elderly. I will see to it that he won't go through his entire childhood thinking like this. I'm not going to be fucking ashamed of him though. I'll save that for when he actually does something worthy of being ashamed of, thanks!

OP posts:
larrygrylls · 14/03/2011 17:01

Bupcakes,

OK, apologies for harsh wording, ashamed of his behaviour is maybe more accurate. But, seriously, mocking the elderly is not acceptable and is not the same as being non pc. Calling a brown person "brown", a fat person "fat" or an old person "wrinkly" is merely a statement of fact and something that nobody should be offended by out of the mouth of a young child. Calling a person stupid because they are any of the above or avoiding them is another matter. To me, that is shameful behaviour which needs urgent attention.

Ormirian · 14/03/2011 17:03

Bring him on MN. He'd fit in nicely Hmm

DaffodilsAndScillas · 14/03/2011 17:07

YABVU to chuckle when he is rude and hurtful towards elderly people, yes. Hmm

seeker · 14/03/2011 17:21

Ageism is generally accepted unchallenged (with a few honourable exceptions) on mumsnet. It really, really pisses me off.

usualsuspect · 14/03/2011 17:23

Me too ,I hate all the old bag etc references on MN

exoticfruits · 14/03/2011 17:38

The 'old bag' is generally only early 60's in the first place!

I don't think it is funny-I think that it is incredibly sad. I think that you should get him to meet and talk to some old people.
I adored my grandfather when I was a toddler and I remember when he was older and my younger brother was about 4yrs old he was loved by all the DCs from round about. One little girl used to bring her chair around to sit next to him in the garden when he was staying in the summer, I always remember one arriving with a sweet for x's Grandpa. He loved small children and would talk to them.
I always remember my DS when he was 3 yrs sitting with my great aunt, late 80's and saying he couldn't come and do something because he was talking to Aunt Eva.She was telling him all about horse drawn buses.
The old and the young have much in common-mainly time. At 3 yrs he is old enough to appreciate a lot if you explain. Especially that the 'old bag' or person who is so grey wasn't always like that and was once 3 yrs old and has a lifetime of stories.

valiumredhead · 14/03/2011 17:40

I don't think it's remotely funny or charming. I take it you're some way off grey hair yourself then?

I completely agree! I'm shocked that anyone would find it funny.

MrsBananaGrabber · 14/03/2011 17:43

I don't find it at all funny, kids come out with all sorts of rubbish but it's our job to help them sort through whats acceptable.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 14/03/2011 17:44

Erm, no-one is being ageist. He is three. I'm pretty sure he's got no idea of the concept! I am not being ageist either before anyibe starts; I've explained to him why he is wrong to feel luke this. The only reason I am a bit amused by it is that it is such a weird thing for him to be worried about/out of character. I have no worries about him going granny-bashing in a few years.

I agree that he needs to spend time with elderly people to get him over his weird fear. Have already said as much. Trust MN to turn this into something malicious.

OP posts:
Firepile · 14/03/2011 17:44

Absolutely agree. It is terrifying that people can be so unpleasant about older people as a group.

Such little understanding about the fact that many older people aren't slow, or unhappy, or aggressive, or deaf because they want to be, but because they are ill.

And that if older people are rude or unpleasant, then younger people can be too - as we can see on here. Being a bastard is not age-specific.

This intergenerational conflict does nobody any good.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 14/03/2011 17:46

If you're referring to a three year old as a bastard, I suggest you take a long, hard look in the mirror. How dare you!

OP posts:
Gemsy83 · 14/03/2011 17:48

OMG this is way OTT. My DS (4) called my Grandad a 'stupid idiot' when in the car on the way home from his house. It just means he's testing the boundaries and being a bit of a sod rather than he hates all old people. Come on.