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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this is hellish house guest behaviour?

39 replies

JosieRosie · 14/03/2011 13:56

Really need to have a vent ladies..... I have a friend staying with us for the weekend (leaving tomorrow) and he's driving me crackers! I have known him for a long time, he's a friend of the very casual variety, can be great fun and can be very sweet but seriously!!!

List of behaviours since Friday:

  • turned up with one bottle of (shit) wine, I know it's shit and costs under £3.50 because I bought a bottle of the very same stuff last week to put in a chilli. No other gifts and hasn't offered to pick up anything from shops when he's been out (we are feeding and watering him and I cooked a very nice dinner for him, me, DP and another friend of ours on Saturday night. And he drinks like a fish, not like he's a teetotaller or anything!)
  • leaves his stuff all over the flat - boots in the hall, dietary supplements all over the kitchen counter, fridge full of his stuff
  • blocked the toilet yesterday with a gigantic log (sorry for TMI) and then went out and left it
  • sat heavily on dining room chair and broke it, no apology (DP freaked out after this and gave him a massive bollocking, he did then apologise to be fair)
  • told me that he spent nearly £30 on a dietary supplement the other day when he has bought us 2 bottles of booze all weekend
  • didn't offer to pitch in with washing-up, drying-up etc until ordered to by DP on Saturday night
  • DP has a little 'notebook' style computer in the living room. Friend has been on it CONSTANTLY since Friday, surfing internet. Every minute he's in the living room he's on it, never asks if he can use it, just helps himself. I find this extremely rude and antisocial. DP has taken to asking him to get off it as he wouldn't mind a look at the internet himself Hmm

I feel really hacked off with his freeloading, I feel it's just a take-take-take mentality which I can't stand. When DP and I stayed with him for 3 nights (he lives in another country), we brought 2 bottles red wine, litre vodka, box of chocs and bought all our own booze and food while we were there. As I say, he's leaving tomorrow and we won't see him for quite a while. It's been nice seeing him but if I'm honest, I feel like he gets under my feet after about an hour!

Thanks for listening if you've read this far Smile - would be grateful for thoughts

OP posts:
Awhiteelephantintheroom · 14/03/2011 13:59

He sounds a nightmare, thank god he is leaving tomorrow!

I would never ever have him to stay again if I were you

LaurieFairyCake · 14/03/2011 14:00

What is he here for? Are you supposed to all be doing things? Like going out places for the day?

It wouldn't bother me someone bringing one bottle of wine as I expect to provide hospitality for guests.

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 14/03/2011 14:01

My computer is password protected even though there's noone living in the house that we don't want to use it - but it would stop this sort of behaviour!

MrsKwazii · 14/03/2011 14:01

You are obviously v lovely hosts (and thoughtful guests) - especially if he feels comfortable enough to log jam your loo Grin

Just don't ask him again. End of.

woopsidaisy · 14/03/2011 14:02

Maybe everyone else will disagree with me,but I actually think you sound like the host from hell! Well,not quite,but you do sound rather rude.
He did bring something-the price is irrelevant. He can't help doing a poo,and he hardly broke the chair on purpose!
Your DP gave a guest a bollocking for an accident?!
He is only there a couple of days,give him a break!
You sound very materialistic and rude TBH.
Sorry.

Rosedee · 14/03/2011 14:05

I dunno if I have someone to stay for the weekend I don't expect them to buy food or help out. I would be annoyed with going on computer without permission and I wouldn't be too pleased if they broke something and didn't apologise so yabu and yanbu.

Owlingate · 14/03/2011 14:05

Erm he is your guest so you shouldn't expect him to turn up with anything imo and it is very bad manners to criticise the cost of a gift or tell him to help with the washing up or tidy up his things. The price of his vitamins has nothing to do with anything. I believe when someone is my guest they should feel like they are at home so have no problem with them using my fridge / internet / leaving a bit of clutter.

However it is bad mannered of him not to offer to help and to stay on the internet and not to apologise for breaking the chair. I imagine he was too embarrassed to say anything about the log tbh.

Don't have people to stay for more than one night if you are a bit uptight about your stuff.

Chil1234 · 14/03/2011 14:06

What's that saying about fish and friends... they stink after three days? I think he sounds bored & lazy, to be honest, and one of those visitors that need their time managing if they're not to be a pain in the backside. BTW... laughing at the idea of someone who drinks like a fish and thinks £30 worth of supplements will undo the damage.

GabySolis · 14/03/2011 14:07

what woopsidaisy said. He did bring you something, seems rude to me to turn your nose up at it just because it's not snooty expensive wine!
Also but harsh to in your own words 'bollock'a guest for breaking something, I'm sure he didn't sit on it and break it on purpose!

gooseberrybushes · 14/03/2011 14:08

He is an arse. A badly brought up, rude, selfish arse. I'm sorry to talk about your friend in this way. Ghastly, appalling behaviour.

gooseberrybushes · 14/03/2011 14:09

And, I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to "hide your stuff if you're "uptight" Hmm about"

People should have more manners. Basically. People who accuse others of being uptight can often be quite slack themselves and like to take advantage.

thumbwitch · 14/03/2011 14:11

YANBU. He's taking the "mi casa e sua casa" a bit too literally, if you ask me.
At least he brought something - but he could have made more effort.
I would be mortified if I left anything in the loo but then I'm female - he's probably proud of it.
The chair would have elicited an INSTAND grovelly apology - I can't believe his rudeness at not apologising until your DP had a go.
Constant surfing the net on your DP's laptop is the height of rudeness though. That would have earnt him a comment along the lines of "if you don't want to actually talk to/ interact with us, why are you here again?" So so rude.

Good job he's leaving - make sure you conveniently "forget" to reinvite him.

suburbophobe · 14/03/2011 14:13

Sounds like a free-loader to me!

Whenever I've stayed the w/e with friends (in other countries), I've always offered to take them out for dinner on one of the nights, I certainly wouldn't expect them to wait on me hand and foot!
And would always offer to replace/pay for something if I'd broken it!

judgejudie · 14/03/2011 14:14

why did you tell him off for accidental things that could happen to anyone

you dont sound very nice OP

Original poster
JosieRosie · 14/03/2011 14:18

Thanks for supportive messages.

I'm afraid I do expect people not to turn up with one arm as long as the other if they are staying with us for 4 days and being fed/watered/entertained. I am no snob and my average spend on a bottle of wine would be in the region of £5, so it's not about the money, I just feels he spends the absolute minimum he can get away with at all times. He has a full-time job so not student or similar.

The bollocking was not for breaking the chair, it was for not apologising about it (sorry, wasn't clear about that). Chil1234, hadn't thought about the irony before but yes, it is amusing! I agree gooseberry, it does come down to that hideously old-fashioned word, 'manners'. Seems like he doesn't have any Hmm

OP posts:
RightUpMyRue · 14/03/2011 14:20

Did you invite him the weekend or did he ask to crash for few nights?

If you invited your friend for the weekend, to see you and have a nice time you are being blardy unfair to him!

If, however, he asked to stay in your spare room for a few nights then he should have made more effort to pitch in and contribute.

The computer thing though, that would annoy me in either situation.

atthecarwash · 14/03/2011 14:23

Sounds like he's taken advantage of your hospitality. Don't have him back. I had to do this with a friend a few years ago, came to stay for a week and spent no money whatsoever, his reasoning being that he was going to Greece the next month and was saving for that!!.....nothing worse than someone who takes you for granted.

squeakytoy · 14/03/2011 14:23

you seem obsessed with alcohol Grin

controlpantsandgladrags · 14/03/2011 14:25

Using the computer all the time is rude and anti-social, as is blocking your loo!

Did you invite him or were you doing him a favour? If he was invited then I don't think you are right to expect him to provide booze and food.........rude of him not to offer though I think.

tyaca · 14/03/2011 14:27

YABU -

he bought two bottles of wine, right? one with him and one later on? he may well have drunk more than he brought, but he didn't turn up empty handed or not get anything in at all. and it's kind of weird to be eyeing up his supplements and wondering why he hasn't spent more on stuff for you.

and have i read this wrong or has he brought some of his own food? you say he has filled up your fridge with his stuff. surely the mark of a great house guest Wink

the chair thing, my dad did that to one of mine. i was mortified. ikea rubbish we clearly hadn't put together properly it seems. we apologised and got him another one.

i guess what irks me the most is all the money counting, listing what you took to his, eyeing up his supplements etc... that and the ordering of apologies and washing up

the laptop thing tho YADNBU Grin. dh's best friends do this ALL the time when they're here and it really really annoys me.

Ormirian · 14/03/2011 14:27

So he has a dump and you post about it on the interne, he gets 'told off' by your DH for not saying sorry, and he is mean because he doesn't bring gifts.

Hmmm...

I agree he sounds like pretty bad company and is a little inconsiderate but I think you are also being a bit unfair.

Original poster
JosieRosie · 14/03/2011 14:29

RightUpMyRue, he invited himself, as he always does Smile We will be 'otherwise engaged' next time I think. He moved to UK about a year ago for work (has since moved back home) and actually invited himself to move in with us for a few months Shock while he got himself settled! I had to put my foot down then and told him it couldn't happen - DP and I would have been at the end of our ropes after a week! Believe me, he's got quite a talent for inviting himself - he is certainly not backwards in coming forwards as they say

Squeakytoy, I certainly am after the weekend I've just had Grin

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 14/03/2011 14:33

Oh come on Ormirian, if a guest you're not keen on fells the mother of all logs and doesn't sort the evidence of it themselves, you have to post it on the internet Grin

It softens the blow of having a crappy houseguest.

RightUpMyRue · 14/03/2011 14:36

Crappy houseguest

Grin
Original poster
JosieRosie · 14/03/2011 14:36

Exactly AgentZigZag - we can all have our toilet issues but FGS, check the coast is clear before you walk away! I wanted to bleach my brain after seeing it Shock

OP posts: