to think another mum needs to sort her childcare out?

[jessikart]

I feel guilty even thinking this but...

DS has a sort of friend whose parents both work full time (I say sort of friend as said child is not very nice, can be a bit rough, and they do fall out fairly often). Normally this friend has a childminder, but in the last few months the childminder is either AWOL or not as reliable as she used to be, as I was asked at least once a week if I'd mind having friend after school. I always said yes, knowing what a nightmare it is when childcare lets you down when you're working.

But recently it's started to get a bit silly. The one afternoon a week (which was normally reciprocated) has started to become established as an accepted fact. Three weeks ago, I had him for two afternoons, another mum had him for two afternoons, then it was half term. Next week, it's me and the other mum having him for at least two afternoons each. DS really doesn't seem to like his 'friend' any more, and not only do I not like his 'friend', but I feel like his parents are taking the piss a bit. If they can't get a reliable childminder, the school has a brilliant after school club that at least a third of their class attend, and it would be far cheaper than a childminder (TBH, I do think that the 'friend' would benefit from being around other children more often...just not mine .
Am I being mean? I've been a working mum and I know it's awful to ask people for favours all the time, but I do feel like they're taking the piss.

I've had a quick look on t'internet but I'm fairly sure there's a threshold over which looking after somebody elses child requires you to have a CRB check as a minimum and possibly additional certification too. There's a story in the back of my brain about 2 police women on different shift patterns who used to look after each other's kids and got themselves in hot water over it. There was a huge outcry about it at the time.

Ah.. another look shows that netmums (am I allowed to say that here?) has a page on this and suggests that You may be breaking the law if you:

* care for someone else's child who is under 8 years old for more than two hours a day.

* are paid to care for someone else's child for more than 14 days a year, irrelevant of their age and aren't registered by Ofsted.

* provide care outside of the 'exemption hours' of 6pm - 2am. [this is to cover baby sitters]

It suggests that under some circumstances play dates may be dodgy - "Although it's unclear, it seems that under current Ofsted rules, even play dates may be deemed illegal if they take place regularly, during the day time (i.e after school tea) as the families could be seen to be gaining 'rewards' from it. Despite this, it's important to remember that Ofsted are highly unlikely to be able to record and act upon the arrangements we all make, even if it does so happen to be the law"

Some of this might help back up your "no" campaign.

The page is www.netmums.com/childcare/Childcare_swaps_The_Rules.3610/ by the way

OP, you need to take action soon before precedent sets in! How about approaching it from the "So, how are you going on with finding a new childminder?" angle.

Agree with fetchez - don't let it slide too long or you will get some excuse as to why its too short notice for her to sort out childcare

I WAH and found myself being taken advantage of in a similar way - im fairly sure one frienship in particular was encouraged as I am "useful". I do occasionally help out but mainly because I really like the child and he and my son have been really consistent friends and I probably would have said no if it were one of his other friends, it is also only a couple of times a year now.

I think if you are going to say no I really wouldnt get into reasons or it will get silly just say "no sorry I cant"

I think that if you are not good at standing up for yourself, it is actually much easier just to say "no, I'm sorry, I can't do that" rather than make excuses that give someone a way into a negotiation. If she asks why then just keep being vague:

I'm sorry, I can't do that.
Why?
Sorry, it's not convenient.
What are you doing?
I'm not going to be able to manage it.
What about next week?
That won't work for me.

What about the Phoebe solution; "I would, but I don't want to".
(Sorry that's not too helpful but I do like it and bring it up whenever it's vaguely relevant)