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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL sticking to routine.

69 replies

poppyjk · 13/03/2011 20:55

So am i being unreasonable asking MIL to stick to a routine when she is looking after LO (8 months old)
She doesn't look after him much as im a SAHM and we tend to visit as a family!

All the times she has looked after him she hasn't sticked to my routine i have with him- quiet time, book/bath, bottle bed, and set times.
She will happily keep him awake for ages, and let him fall asleep downstairs (even though he is fine putting down on his own with cuddles upstairs in his cotbed. (my mother has no problems at all.)

Is it a step to far if i write down a list of what needs doing or just reinforce the routine (which really works well for us)

Another thing grating me is whenever we visit and we stay and put LO down there then head off later, she will deliberately ruin his quiet down by bouncing him about and even saying "oh you should be quieting down now" "bounce,boucne etc....."

Sorry long one..

OP posts:

liggerscharter · 15/03/2011 20:05

ssd - I've got a three year old and an eight month old and they've been put to bed by someone other than me or DH once in their whole lives (that includes the three year old) and that was for a wedding where DH was best man and we could not get back in time to do it.

My 3 year old went to bed at 9 and the 8 month old (then 6 months) at 11 and I was VERY grateful for having the night off and did not criticise or complain at all. I completely agree with you that there is too much MIL bashing on here.

BUT if someone was insisting I leave my baby with them so they could put them to bed 3 hours past their bedtime and for no real reason then I WOULD be irked.

PinkToeNails · 15/03/2011 20:09

I'm with you OP. Your baby. Your say. There's a huge difference between 6.30pm and 9pm and it should be what works for the baby, not what works for MIL.

BettyCash · 15/03/2011 20:10

No I'm sorry, MIL's babysitting. If you don't like it, pay someone else to do it.

usualsuspect · 15/03/2011 20:11

FFS ...as a grandmother thats all I'm saying

ssd · 15/03/2011 20:28

BettyCash, she doesn't pay!! she gets the offer of help for free and she's on here bitching about the person offering her help

all I can say is some of you girls on this thread don't bloody deserve the help you get, if my ds's marry anyone like some of these posters I'll be

Original poster

poppyjk · 15/03/2011 20:29

Woah woah woah ladies! MIL bashing fair enough some people are.. but as i said- id be the same if it was my own mother or even babysitter to think about it!
Im being unreasonable to have such a degree of routine?! Sorry for wanting to be an organised mum who likes to put their child to bed at a reasonable hour so i can get me time and baby will be happier come morning! Quite simple to understand...

And.. yes my world will be turned upside down with a newborn for the first few weeks till we settle into things, but i will try and enforce routine as early as possible for my sake and my children! Iv managed looking after my LO at 3months old and my brothers two daughters who were 10 months and a year 1/2 with not a slight hitch!
I understand its not going to be all fine and dandy all the time with two but il work bloody hard to make it!

OP posts:

mellicauli · 15/03/2011 20:33

I think it's the price you pay.

Make sure you get something you want out of the exchange (a peaceful trip to the hairdressers, night out with husband) then it won't seem so bad and everyone will be happy.

I found the older children get, the easier it is for them to do a night or so out of their routine.

skybluepearl · 15/03/2011 21:28

my kids really really need thier routine too and are so grumpy if they miss sleeps/have late nights. i know lots of people say 'oh it doesn't matter if hes in bed three hours late' but i find after it knocks us out of kilter for a few days. i find those days really hard going infact. i'd be tempted to get your hubby to explain to his mother how late nights ruin the following day and that you will happily return to the house to put child to bed on time if mother struggles.

skybluepearl · 15/03/2011 21:30

SSD - i have three children (one baby) and a great routine that they all thrive on!

seeker · 15/03/2011 21:35

Somebody is going to say the ghastly "your baby, your rules" in a minute and I'll have to kill someone.

skybluepearl · 15/03/2011 21:36

I also have a uninterested/unthoughtful MIL who i never turn to for support despite having three kids.

Tryharder · 15/03/2011 23:04

How do you get your 8 month old to sleep at 6.30? Mine is still having her tea then...

But I don't get all this thing about if the baby has a late night, it's fractious the next day. I appreciate that if an older child is in bed late, he or she would suffer the next day because of having to get up to go to school etc. But
on the odd occasion, DD (8 months) has a late or interrupted nights sleep, she simply sleeps more the next day or has a lie in

yummybump · 15/03/2011 23:34

I wish that was the same as mine, but the times he does have a disrupted night, he is a pain in the bum the majority of the night- mixture of overtiredness and needing more attention etc. Which then just makes the next day worse!
We have 6am starts so i follow the routine of 12hours up- works well for me! He has very occasionaly slept till 7am which means 6.30pm bedtime routine start and in bed by 7pm.
Older children yes i can see a few later nights i.e. xmas eve, nye etc. they will probably lie in! But for the time being my LO doesn't need to be up late for special occasions, and he sure doesn't lie in if he has gone to bed later!
I think as a mother, you know your own baby very well and every child is different

yummybump · 15/03/2011 23:34

this is the OP just changed name!

Kiwiinkits · 16/03/2011 02:57

We're a routine household here too OP: bottle at 6.30pm and bedtime at 7pm. I'd be peeved if someone looking after DD kept her up well beyond her bedtime as it does affect her day the next day. I'd be about it for sure. I think explaining to MIL how late nights upset the following day and that you really feel the need to insist on baby going to bed at 6.30/7pm should do it. If MIL ignores that then she's basically trying to undermine you and that doesn't bode well for your future relationship.

Bubbaluv · 17/03/2011 05:53

My Mum was talking to my sister and I the other day and recounting how my Aunt had been complaining about her DIL who was being picky about her routine being abided by when my Aunt babysits her DGC. (oooh that may need a family tree or a flow chart)!
Mum was huffing as if we would all agree how unreasonable it was to not allow my Aunt to do things however she wants if she is providing free babysitting.
My sister and I both agreed that we would simply stop asking for the help as it is such a PITA to get a baby into a good routine only to have someone bugger it up just because they feel like it.
The next day (and often the day after that too) the price you would have paid for a babysitter who does as they were asked seems like a small price to pay as you struggle with a cranky, weepy child.

Bubbaluv · 17/03/2011 05:58

HappyMummy, is explaining that the baby has a routine really the same as "telling you how to look after a baby"?
My first question on looking after someone's baby would be "What's the routine?"
If my DIL told me how to burp a baby or how to hold it then I might be a bit

Morloth · 17/03/2011 06:11

Meh, every now and again isn't going to hurt him.

I have no idea when the boy's go to bed when they are at inlaws. The key thing is when I get to go to bed (or rather get up) when they are!

They love him as much as I do, they have successfully raised 2 excellent children, if I didn't trust them I wouldn't walk out the door...

Bubbaluv · 17/03/2011 06:20

Agree Morloth,
If it's going to be a more regular thing then you can be more forceful about it, but if she's going to have him only occasionally then just make sure she has him well into the next morning too!

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