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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Before TTC to finish sorting out the flat and do the math for Baby kit?

46 replies

hugatree · 12/03/2011 19:42

DH and I have finally decided to start TTC in about 3 months and I can't cope with the thought of not having a finished bathroom and kitchen.

I would also like to work out how much things will cost and maybe start buying a few things stash them away and sell them if we don;t manage to conceive.

Certain people think I should just go ahead and not over think things buy fixing the house and trying to sort a few things out. Prior to TTC.

Should I just hope everything is done we've been in our home 4 years... AIBU

OP posts:
worraliberty · 12/03/2011 19:50

I'd just got for it to be honest.

You've got 9 months from the time you concieve to finish the flat..and if it's no totally finished by the time baby (hopefully) arrives, it's not the end of the world. Good luck Smile

wellwisher · 12/03/2011 19:52

YABU. If you don't start TTC for another 3 months, you have a year to do the kitchen and bathroom even if you get pregnant on the first try! You could build an entire house in less time.

How old are you? Is time on your side?

LaWeasel · 12/03/2011 19:53

I wouldn't buy anything before you get pregnant, if it takes a while you will just spend your time staring at them merosely/crying.

However, if you are needed to help with bathroom/kitchen I would get on with it asap, just in case when you do get pregnant you are a vomitorama and not all that helpful!

hairylights · 12/03/2011 19:55

Personally I'd just go for it. Could take months and months for all you know ... Hope it doesn't.

roomonthebroom · 12/03/2011 20:00

If it were me, I'd go for it. We lived in a small house, and were definitely on a budget when we started TTC, happened first month, DD born.

We waited for a bigger house till we stated TTC no2, got the big house and then never managed to have another. At 34, I've probably left it too late according to the docs, so my rather biased advice to those who are generally ready is always go for it.

roomonthebroom · 12/03/2011 20:03

Oh, and I agree with everything weasel says too.

eileenslightlytotheleft · 12/03/2011 20:03

I would finish the flat and then TTC - but no way would I buy anything beforehand. Plus start taking the folic acid.

Original poster
hugatree · 12/03/2011 20:06

Thanks for that guys I appreciate your prospectives. The consensus is I should not think about the finances or ball park figure to see if we can afford a child and disregard that dh has been promising to fix half finished kitchen & bathroom for 4 years... Ok why the heck not! I am being unreasonable. Sack cloth and ashes for one then!

OP posts:
DorisIsAPinkDragon · 12/03/2011 20:12

Start taking folic acid and crack on as others have said you'll have 9 nmonths to finish? the flat (imho things never get finished there's always something else to do!).

As for the baby stuff DO NOT FEEL YOU NEED TO BUY EVERYTHING NEW!!!! Your baby will not give a damn if they are dressed in Armani or oxfam get thee to the nearest car boot sale and find TONNES and TONNES of brand new (or as near as damn it) baby gear. If you MUST have something new get a nice buggy but really do not wait until you've saved up enough, and miss the boat entirely!

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 12/03/2011 20:15

Children are only as expensive as you make them for the first six months (at least) all they need are a few clothes a sling (and a cot if not co-sleeping) anything extra is just that.

PrincessScrumpy · 12/03/2011 20:37

There's always a reason not to ttc, just go for it and then you can yell at dh about the bathroom and kitchen not being finished but get away with it blaming pg hormones! Smile

We have always planned everything. dd1 was conceived exactly when we wanted to. dc2 was conceived so that dd1 would start school at the same time as I go back to work after mat leave - this made childcare affordable as we'd only have one to pay for. Hmmmm, I'm having twins! We're delighted but have decided to stop planning and go with life as we don't seem to be in control really anyway! Good luck.

DilysPrice · 12/03/2011 20:41

Don't think about kit, it's really not that expensive unless you go mad certainly don't buy anything.
The money that babies cost is nothing to do with kit, and everything to do with childcare or loss of one parent's income - you probably should think seriously about that, but it will take you about a week, tops, to do the necessary research.
Do push DP to finish the refurb asap, or, here's a mad thought, do it yourself (unless DP is actually a professional builder or something in which case fair enough).

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 12/03/2011 20:44

It's maths.

You don't know how long it will take to conceive. Just get on with it.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 12/03/2011 20:45

Of for god's sake. When I actually want the * to make something bold it doesn't work.

Icoulddoitbetter · 12/03/2011 20:56

We completely changed our bathroom and kitchen when I was 30 weeks pg, it was finished about 3 3 weeks before DS came along! Kit-wise you'll be amazed at what you'll get bought. We hardly bought anything till I was fairly heavily pg as I was quite superstitiuos. But then once DS was born we got bought most stuff by friends and family! Freecycle / ebay / NCT nearly new sales are fab.

Go for it, or you'll be putting it off forever!

Millie1206 · 12/03/2011 20:58

Room - at 34 you've left it too late? Have you a medical condition that means this? I'm slightly panicking as I'm almost 35 and plan to start TTC (for dc2 ) in a year or two.

DilysPrice · 12/03/2011 21:07

Millie, lots of women do successfully have babies aged 37/38, but a fair few don't, and your odds are noticeably better (on average) aged 35 than 36, and at 36 than 37.

BlooferLady · 12/03/2011 21:09

I concur: go for it. TTCing is notoriously unpredictable - could be tomorrow, could be 3 years' hence.

I'm 31 and DH and I are models of robust health, fertility wise and in all other respects, and we put off TTC for years because (looking at family and the immense size of my child-rearing hips Grin) we thought we'd be first timers - second at most. 14 months later and nada - am beginning to wonder if we'll ever be parents.

Besides if you do get an early pregnancy you still have 8 months to get things sorted - with perfect incentive to get it done quick. And as for baby kit - don't fall for all that consumerist bollox that'll have you filling the flat with expensive tat you don't need: much of it will be given to you, anyway.

Good luck!

Mumwithadragontattoo · 12/03/2011 23:36

I think a lot of people do use pregnancy as a reason to finish off jobs around the house and if the bathroom kitchen really need doing then, sure, get with them. But not really any point in putting off TTC until they are finished. We put in a new bathroom when I was 6 months pg with DC1 and then did the kitchen before getting pregnant with DC2.

Also nothing wrong with looking at your finances and whether you can afford a baby. If you're young still then you might think there is something to be gained from waiting until finances improve. But if you know you want a baby (especially if you're 30+) then just go for it.

TryLikingClarity · 13/03/2011 07:54

YABU.

Get on with it and don't worry about your flat unless it really is a health and safety hazard.

iskra · 13/03/2011 08:00

Look at your finances for sure. DP did a spreadsheet of baby costs Hmm. But don't buy anything! I'm too superstitious for that.

HarkTheYoungChickenOnAWDayDiet · 13/03/2011 08:04

YANBU, i buy baby kit as and when i see it i have a pile of stuff at the top of the wardrobe, ive never cried at it. Me and DP talked about it and decided as soon as we had everything together we would go for it. Financially this makes most sense.

Georgimama · 13/03/2011 08:05

34 isn't old but it isn't young either. If you really want to have a baby get on with it. And for the love of God don't buy any baby equipment until you are actually pregnant, and at a fairly advanced stage too.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 13/03/2011 08:35

I agree with looking at your finances but babies don't have to be expensive if you buy second-hand or borrow from friends/family. You also don't need to buy every baby gadget going despite what lots of baby magazines say Grin

What is worth looking at is the cost of childcare in your area if you're planning on returning to work (and the effect of working reduced hours if you plan to do that too). Childcare and part-time working are the biggest dent on our income, not things for DD. Oh... and the fact we bought a bigger car!!

Once I was pregnant we started saving for baby things rather than buying lots of stuff in advance. That way we had the money to get stuff when DD was born but actually had DD for nappy trials or to see what she was interested in (she's very visual but hated lying on her back so didn't bother with a baby gym!)

PurpleCrazyHorse · 13/03/2011 08:36

You might also find that DH gets on with the DIY if you are pregnant as you're on a time frame to get things sorted. I wouldn't want to live in an unsafe or half-built house but provided you have a working kitchen and bathroom, you'll be fine.