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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Before TTC to finish sorting out the flat and do the math for Baby kit?

46 replies

hugatree · 12/03/2011 19:42

DH and I have finally decided to start TTC in about 3 months and I can't cope with the thought of not having a finished bathroom and kitchen.

I would also like to work out how much things will cost and maybe start buying a few things stash them away and sell them if we don;t manage to conceive.

Certain people think I should just go ahead and not over think things buy fixing the house and trying to sort a few things out. Prior to TTC.

Should I just hope everything is done we've been in our home 4 years... AIBU

OP posts:

FluffyDonkey · 13/03/2011 08:53

Point of view from am newly pregnant woman (am 11 weeks): I really wouldn't buy stuff prior to TTC. Before getting pregnant I thought that as soon as I got the magic BFP I would rush out and buy lots of cute babygrows etc.

But the reality is different. yes you're pregnant but you might easily miscarry. And I think the idea of buying and selling if you don't need it seems simple when you're not yet pregnant but once you have been pregnant, even if it was just for a few weeks, you will feel very very different.

At 11 weeks I feel more secure but want to see the scan first. Then I imagine I'll not want to buy anything because I still have 6 months before the baby will need anything!

I plan to start buying stuff around the 5/6 month mark. That doesn't mean you can't already look. I've made a list of essentials to buy and we've looked in Ikea catalogues at furniture etc. but we're not buying yet.

HTH

NinkyNonker · 13/03/2011 08:54

We worked out finances of course, everyone does I think, but babies don't have to cost much in terms of kit.

Ttc is really unpredictable, I'd go for it. Took us 6 mo which is average, we're currently debating when to start ttc number 2 as who knows how long it'll take.

nobodyimportant · 13/03/2011 08:59

Of course you should consider finances, but tbh if you don't think you can afford a baby then you can't afford a child. Babies aren't that expensive and don't really need that much, they can happily sleep in a cardboard box(!), but children are expensive and do need stuff.

There is absolutely no reason to buy kit before you even get pregnant! What on earth will you do with it if you don't get pregnant, apart from sit looking at it and making yourself miserable? You'll never make the money back by re-selling. A much better plan would be to start saving so that you have the money put by to buy the stuff when you actually need it.

As for the DIY at least being pg will give you a deadline. If it's waited 4 yrs already then you could be waiting forever to get it done and never ttc.

If you are throwing out lots of excuses to put off ttc maybe you just aren't ready yet though. In which case don't do it! There's no law that says you have to. Just make sure you are honest about it and talk it all through with your DH because if he wants to it will be hard for him.

Onetoomanycornettos · 13/03/2011 09:02

Depends on your age, if in your twenties, fine to take a bit of time over it (but still not guaranteed if you are that very unlucky couple who finds it takes years or IVF to get you there). If you are in your early thirties, you've found the man and the house, what are you waiting for? Is it really worth risking having children so you can get a nice cot or bedroom furniture. I think some people are in denial about the fact that it can take a year or two to get pregnant and they may miscarry (or get pregnant straight away and have a baby by Dec!!!!) It's so unpredictable, I would start sooner rather than later, but that's having seen a lot of friends go through the difficulties of getting and staying pregnant, having been rather unrealistic about the time-lines involved. And if you got pregnant straight away, it's hardly a disaster, just get the house finished within the year!

LadyBiscuit · 13/03/2011 09:06

Ouch - bit of an aggressive response there, OP! Yes it's a good idea to work out how much things cost but you can have a baby very, very cheaply.

I think getting pregnant/trying to become pregnant will focus people's mind on getting the bathroom and kitchen finished. Is there anything you can do to make that happen? Decorate? Hire a builder?

I don't understand why you think buying things is a good idea. Why don't you just save instead? Much more financially prudent than buying things and thinking you can blithely sell them

nobodyimportant · 13/03/2011 09:07

HarkTheYoungChickenOnAWDayDiet I hope you never do have to find out what it feels like to ttc for years and having to face up to the fact that it might never happen. What's wrong with just saving up the money? You don't physically need baby stuff until just before the baby arrives.

I can't believe the extent to which people take their fertility for granted!

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 13/03/2011 09:23

Stop worrying. Start fucking.

Original poster

hugatree · 13/03/2011 10:36

Thanks again for advice.

Unfortunately our friends don't have kids or have sold / got rid of their kit already and we are from a long line of only children so no family to get stuff from. We were just gonna pick up the odd thing on ebay e.g. nappies when it became available not any big amount of kit, we are not into having things and we are all for recycling!!! :0)

We are looking at finances; I'm no spring chick I know so that is why we are even considering TCC at this point.

As for the suggestion of doing the work in the house myself I have done all my health will allow myself, I am not lazy honest some things are two people jobs. My better half has promised to give me a hand! Putting up kitchen cabinets by myself just ain't gonna happen kid!

If I am lucky enough to have a child I will not be working for the first wee while so if we save the money will go on other thing like car bills etc so just wanted not to be in a building site!

Hope this does not sound defensive I do honestly value your opinions.

So I think we are gonna crack on with things and try and get most of the work finished. I know I may never get pregnant, but hate dec jan and feb so will start trying in June regardless of things being ready! As you guys say pregnancy hormones are a great excuse for nagging.

Thanks again.
x

P.S. TheCoalitionNeedsYou: 'Doing the Math' is an American colloquialism the grammar police have released me on bail :0)

OP posts:

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 13/03/2011 14:33

Just because Americans say it doesn't make it right. Have you HEARD how they say 'herb'?

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 13/03/2011 14:34

Eggplant and zucchini can fuck off as well. And cups.

Blatherskite · 13/03/2011 14:52

They say 'erb and we say herb - because there's a fucking H in it

Original poster

hugatree · 13/03/2011 15:16

Well you can't help where you were born and brought up. I chose to move over here, do I not get points for that and remembering that you crazy kids call diapers nappies! So talk to the hand lol!

OP posts:

MrsTittleMouse · 13/03/2011 15:21

HarkTheYoungChicken - have you started TTC? Because if you haven't, then there is a very good reason why the baby stuff hasn't made you cry. Those of us who have had fertility issues or miscarriages weren't born with labels attached "don't get your hopes of motherhood up". We didn't know that it was going to be difficult. And it is almost impossible to explain how painful it is. I cried a lot. Even without a box full of baby things to mock me.

hugatree - there is rarely a "good" time to start, let alone a "best" time. If you really want this then don't hang about - it's not just the chances of getting pregnant that decrease, it's the chances of staying pregnant too. Lots of sad stories on here - I wouldn't run the risk of becoming one, not if I had the choice.

MrsTittleMouse · 13/03/2011 15:23

hugatree - completely off topic, but if it makes you feel better, you can think of the reaction that I got in the USA when I said that I was going to the cinema at the weekend. Especially when they found out that I was going to see the latest X-Men movie. :)

onceamai · 13/03/2011 15:40

I don't agree with half of this thread. I do not understand why anyone would start ttc if they weren't sure the house would be finished and they had enough to buy sufficient equipment for the baby and themselves. The equipment doesn't have to be expensive but how can anyone think of brining a baby into the work if they can't afford the basics for it.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 13/03/2011 15:51

N.B. Do not take the don't buy ANYTHING before the babies born TOO precisely. You do need more than one baby grow, otherwise you get told off by the Nurses.

glammanana · 13/03/2011 15:54

Just go ahead and try for this baby and dont worry about anything else when this bundle arrives you will then be doing up your house for the next twenty years so dont sweat about it, and am 1OO%
behind Doris in saying buy your stuff 2nd hand your
baby wont know the difference nor will anyone else for that matter Good Luck

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/03/2011 15:58

I would certainly get the bathroom and kitchen underway, and I would also sit down and think about roughly how much you might need to spend on things for the baby, and where you would find that money.

I am not really suggesting that you delay TTC, but there is no harm whatsoever in being organised and having your finances in order.

Don't start buying things though. If you are worried about spreading the cost then there are these handy things called 'banks' where you can put some money each month so that it is ready when you need it.

Longtalljosie · 13/03/2011 16:04

I agree with Alibaba. Far more sensible to set up a standing order for, say, £20/month into a "baby stuff account" which when you need it you can call on.

You'll get the house sorted much quicker without baby clutter taking up space as well.

And when you are pregnant, people will buy you things. It's the rules. Your MIL / auntie will appear with a baby bath apropos of nothing. People will ask if you fancy having their old travel cot. Far more prudent to save, and then see what you really need.

MrsTittleMouse · 13/03/2011 16:08

The OP wasn't saying that they were skint though, I think that's why most replies are glossing over the financial aspect. The OP is talking more about the "getting the ducks in a row" stuff, and less about the "how will we pay the mortgage" stuff.

Anyway, now that we're talking about finances - it wouldn't hurt to start living now as though you are already on maternity leave - and save all the extra money. That way, not only are you primed to live on less, you also have a stash of emergency money.

And yes, buy as much as possible second hand. Baby stuff gets very little wear. NCT sales are good, so is Ebay (although be careful, I looked for a Bumbo and they were almost as expensive as buying new!). You'll also find that most people are really excited about a new baby, and are keen to buy things - we got a lot of 0-3 and 3-6 month sized clothes given to us, and I was glad that I hadn't bought much myself.

Original poster

hugatree · 13/03/2011 18:05

Lots of Top tips. Thanks guys I was meaning 'ducks in a row' stuff. MrsT lmao re cinema tale! and LTJ

Good plan!!! I find that saved money tends to go on things that crop up so that was why I was thinking about getting a few second hand things as they cropped up.

Banks, really, after Fannie Mae & Northern Rock I've been keeping my cash in my mattress!

OP posts:

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