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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

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41 replies

mehpants · 12/03/2011 16:16

Namechanged.

Am I being unreasonable and a bit precious by being annoyed at DH sticking our 10 week old in front of baby tv almost every time he's in charge of entertaining him?

It's not often in the grand scheme, but it does seem to happen a lot when he's 'on baby duty'. Is it just that men find small babies boring and can't do all the carrying them about the place and coochy cooing?

we have a perfectly good playmat etc. and I've not raised it with him as I am aware that he already thinks I spend too much time telling him how he could do stuff better.

I just feel like I have the baby all day in the week and make efforts to entertain him properly (though admittedly that can sometimes include watching daytime tv) and so when DH has him he should be putting in more effort.

OP posts:

Happymm · 12/03/2011 16:18

My DH was the same, has never been good with the baby phase, but now that we're beyond that(6,4and 2) he's fab. He'll get better as they develop a relationship and he becomes more proficient!:o

squeakytoy · 12/03/2011 16:20

I wouldnt have thought a 10wk old needed that much entertaining really!

worraliberty · 12/03/2011 16:20

To be fair there's only so much coochie cooing you can do with a 10 week old.

AgentZigzag · 12/03/2011 16:22

Apart from being close/snuggling with a 10 week old baby, there's not that much to do with them.

It won't harm your baby if you don't say anything, but if your DH has alread said about you trying to shape the kind of relationship he has with his DC then you must be saying other things, and it could harm your relationship with him?

I can totally understand why you might be saying that, but just try and relax.

Unless your DH is balancing your DC on the top of the car while he loads in the shopping, I'd just let them get on with it and enjoy the break.

stealthsquiggle · 12/03/2011 16:23

10 weeks? Do they need active "entertaining"? Oops - my DC both seemed to survive on observing whatever was going on around them (in DD's case, mostly builders ).

Original poster

mehpants · 12/03/2011 16:23

ok, I was kind of expecting to be told that I am being unreasonable/precious.

I just wouldn't want it to go on once he gets older. Is that reasonable?

I think it's less that I feel tv is bad for babies but more that I feel resentful about being the one doing all the hard work in the daytime and during nightfeeds etc while DH is just taking the easy option when he has him.

Maybe I should do less with the baby and stick him in front of the TV myself once in a while

OP posts:

humanoctopus · 12/03/2011 16:24

I think that your DH needs to parent his baby in whatever way he feels is ok (as long as he is not harming him/her).

I agree with Happymm, some men (and women) do better when the child grows up a little.

I think on this one YABU.

Personally, I would hate baby stuck in front of the tv, but accept different people have differents ways.

Does he otherwise tend to the other needs, ie, feeds, changes, talks to him/her whenever doing these?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 12/03/2011 16:27

yanbu. My DH does this. I ask him to watch the baby for 20 mins while I have a shower. Have shower. Come back. Baby crying. Dh surfing internet and fretfully asking the baby what is wrong. Turns to me and says she need feeding (i BF)

Uh no, what she needs is some interaction and attention.

DwayneDibley · 12/03/2011 16:28

when DS was 10 weeks I was watching back to back Sopranos (got box set for christmas)

Was I supposed to entertain him?

LadyintheRadiator · 12/03/2011 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mehpants · 12/03/2011 16:30

human

basically it's like this:

I need to get something done (my hair/make food/tidy up/have a break) so DH will take the baby. Often within minutes baby will be in his chair in front of the TV. Sometimes DH will be out of the room doing other stuff. So whatever I am doing I either rush or abandon because I feel like the baby isn't eing properly looked after.

DH is great with him but I think after a while gets bored. I am on my own all day (unless I am out doing baby group type stuff) and I don't really feel like I have that option (to leave the baby in his chair) but maybe I do need to loosen up a bit? I'm not a massive fusser and am not paranoid about harming the baby and all that stuff, believe it or not I am quite a relaxed parent but I think I just feel all resentful and annoyed at my DH because I just don't ave the same freedom as him at the moment - I am breastfeeding, co-sleeping etc.

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LadyintheRadiator · 12/03/2011 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mehpants · 12/03/2011 16:37

thanks all. I'll try doing less. I will probably only have one child (too old/fertility issues) so I don't want to mess this one up

The other stuff I have mentioned to DH was just stuff like asking him not to jig the baby about and sing loud songs when he is clearly over-stimulated and needing to wind down for a sleep. Poor DH would often come home from work and rattle things in front of his face while he was in the moses basket but maybe I am giving poor DH the impression that he can't do anything right.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 12/03/2011 16:40

I think you are giving him that impression if he gets told off for playing with the baby and then told off for not playing with the baby!

Eurostar · 12/03/2011 16:42

Have you maybe put your DH off singing songs and stuff to the baby by telling him it's over stimulating him? So he is taking the safe option of doing nothing much? Maybe when you hand him over say, he's awake, no problem with rattles, singing etc.. There's good research now showing that babies learn language from the human voice in a way that they can't from a recorded voice so it's great if he sings etc. at the right time.

LadyintheRadiator · 12/03/2011 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eileenslightlytotheleft · 12/03/2011 16:48

I'm amazed that most posters seem to think it is okay to put a baby in front of the TV. Why would you do that? Just go out for a walk and sit in a cafe.

Original poster

mehpants · 12/03/2011 16:48

to be fair on DH he does do other stuff like singing etc, reading back what I have written I can see that I'm letting ny slight resentment at being stuck with the baby (because of biology/maternity leave) for most of the time cloud my judgement RE the thins DH is or isn't doing. I'm sure things will change as the baby becomes less dependant on me.

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wellwisher · 12/03/2011 16:51

Would you feel better if DH kept the baby close to him? You could suggest that he wears him in a sling while he gets on with whatever he's doing. Physical closeness and snuggling is at least as important as intellectual stimulation, especially for such a young baby.

Original poster

mehpants · 12/03/2011 16:53

LadyintheRadiator that's a good idea, bathtime could be DH's thing. At the weekends I do plonk the baby on DH first thing in the morning and they have some time singing songs and smiling while I get up which is nice.

OP posts:

Original poster

mehpants · 12/03/2011 16:53

ps, thanks for being kind to me

OP posts:

LadyintheRadiator · 12/03/2011 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

humanoctopus · 12/03/2011 16:57

I think that you should just back off and let him get on with his way, particularly as baby isn't coming to any harm.

Its hard to relax and let your baby's father do it his own way, I know, but you could end up with him doing nothing at all, if what he does displeases you constantly (from his point of view).

I got excellent advice from a HV (really). She could see me fussing at the way dh held baby, strapped him into the carseat, whatever. She kindly told me that the quickest way to guarantee that he would do less, was to criticise everything he did right now. So right. I backed off, and 'grew' into parenting over time, although only truly interacted once they could talk.

LadyintheRadiator · 12/03/2011 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 12/03/2011 17:01

I don't think there's any harm in putting a small baby 'in front' of the telly (so long as they're not hitched right up to a foot away from it).

It's not something I'd do because they wouldn't be interested in it.

But I'm not switching off the box just because there's a baby in the house, so they're going to see it on at some point.

Anyway the radio is shit in the daytime, and we've got Sky Movies

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