Have namechanged. Here's one for the MN jury - sorry in advance, it's another child-free wedding scenario.
Ok, around Oct 2010, DH's close friend in Oz tells him he's getting married and can we come to the wedding because he wants DH for man duties. DH says, 'great. We'll be there in April 2011, so if it's then, we can come'. Friend says 'Yay, it's in April!'. Fine. Flights booked. V. expensive city hotel booked so we can be near them for their wedding.
Fast forward 5 months and we get an invite in the post. It's addressed to DH & I. Without wanting to assume anything, DH writes to friend asking if DS can come to the wedding (4yr9mo) No response. I got a bit fed up of waiting (it's now 4 weeks out), so wrote to them this week asking politely if we can bring DS. The correspondence since then has been:
Them: We weren't planning on having children at the wedding... it will be long and boring... the only exception is our DN's... the venue isn't right for children... we have a mate who has a babysitter you can share... etc
Me: Thank you for your response. We don't tend to leave ds with people he doesn't know, so DH will definitely be there, but I'll have to politely decline and stay back with ds. Have a fab day!
Them: Oh no, no, no! That won't do! We simply can't have it! You must come! It's just that we're v. concerned about the venue... and the long night... and the boringness of it... (they repeat the reasons given in their initial email) But, if you really, really can't leave ds with anyone, then he can come.
DH: We will do everything we can to find a babysitter for ds. We won't bring ds because that may upset other guests who've been told 'no kids'. Leave it with us.
That's as far as it's got, but I don't want to go now. I'm annoyed they didn't tell us it was a child-free wedding in the first place and they just presumed we could find someone to look after ds/ would be willing to leave him with any fecker in a country/ city we don't live in! Sure, DH has got lots of friends there... most of whom will be attending the wedding. We have 1 relative who can potentially look after ds, but ds doesn't know her. DH thinks we should suck it right up, accept they've been naive, but deal with it and go.
WWYD?
Disclaimer: yes, they can have their wedding any which way they like; child-free, dwarves in frilly tutu's if they like, their choice etc etc We understand this.