To think MIL doesn't have to come with us EVERYWHERE??

[SeeJaneKick]

MIL lives abroad and comes twice a year to see us the grandchildren.

She usuall hires a nice apartment nearby (this is a tourist city) and makes that her base as our house is tiny.

She stays for a month to 6 week and comes every day at 8.00am and leaves for her apartment between 7.00pm and 9.00pm. I cook for her as well as the family as her arm is injured.

I think this is a bit much. I can't go shopping or do anything without MIL.

Today I had to take DD1 to the doctor .she's 3 and I was very worried about her...so DH came too as it was his day off and he also wanted to speak to the doc about her.

Mil said "Oh I'll go back to my apartment and call you later" so DH and I took DD to the docs and then went to a cafe for coffee. As soon as we sat down, MIL rang to say she was in another coffee shop and could DH go to meet her there...and what were we doing and what were "the plans"

I KNOW she only comes twice a year but 4 weeks of her right in my face is too much.

She comes food shopping with me, to drop DD1 off at school, to collect her again, to playgroup....EFFING EVERYWHERE!

or should I just shut up and put up?

AIBU to think I could have a fucking coffee with DH without her ringing to come and collect her so she can join us?

Yes OTHManatee...it's driving me barmy and DH thinks I'm a cow.

I have had to tell him that evening meals cannot ne hostedevery night due to her not going till' 9.00 sometimes which means I can't work as she keeps wandering into the kitchen where I work!

The DC are also hysterical by 6.00pm and now she has gone, they're sitting quietly.

think it's too much for them too.

I couldn't put up with anyone for that amount of time tbh.

Thanks LessNarky DD is fine...we thought she might have sleep anpnea but no...according to the doc she's just an especially snotty kid with one big tonsil!

She's the one who picks her teeth too isn't she? I have no advice but it sounds awful

Excellent.

Oh LadyBiscuit thank you for remembering!

I feel less alone now.

Oh dear - and I thought it was rough having inlaws for 10 days over xmas. They show up at 9 am (so we can "sleep in")and immediatly say they are hungry for breakfast and I need to start making endless cups of tea.
Then comes lunch soon after, since they had such a late breakfast, and my driving them everywhere since they don't know how to take the metro.

One night they sat on the couch watching old episodes of the Vicar of Dibley for 5 hrs. I was ready to kill someone.

I lived with my mil for 15 years. We didn't get on.

I'm sure you can manage a few weeks with yours. Though you do have my sympathy.

PS: you have my sympathy Jane

Lucy! Mine sits watching One Foot in the Grave and Dibley too! And she falls asleep on my sofa.

She also devours evrything as if I am not feeding her properly.

manic...why on earth did you liv with MIL for 15 years??

How can I forget the Father Ted marathon one night?
I had a novel I read through that one.

Jane - so your MIL picks her teeth? With what??

My FIL sits on the couch and bites his nails down to the quick and spits them out. Yes - spits them out, onto floor, coffee table, anywhere they land. He says he doesn't notice he is doing it. Its beyond vile to me.

Apparently The Vicar of Dibley was filmed here.Your Dh should take her to visit.

My ex h was too much of a lazy git/too tied to the apron strings/too drunk to save up for a deposit for our own place. I put up with it because I was naive and a bit stupid.

I have posted already but the more I read of this, the more I get on your behalf.

Wrt your DH. Unless you expect him to entertain your mother for hours on end and cook for her etc, then he has no business expecting you to do it for his! You need to tell him that he can think you are a cow if he likes but you are not doing this any more.

Secondly, tell both Dh and MIL that you are getting behind with your work and so will no longer be available until the children come home from school as you will be working. If you are not working, then tell them both that you have other people you need to catch up with. Either way, she is welcome to come over after school, but not before.

I think it would be nice if your husband took his mum out a couple of times a week on his own. I'm sure she would like that and if he doesn't, then tough. It would give you a break and best of all, you can appear really kind. "Oh no, MIL, I know you miss your dear son; he's going to take you out every other day, just the two of you, like it was when he was born."

Then it would be nice if she babysat for you both. "Oh no, MIL, the children love having you to themselves. They miss you so much when you're a million miles away. We'll get out of your way so that you and they can have fun together."

Then I'd fix her up with some guy who wants a part-time lover ;)

op, you poor poor soul

she sounds a right PITA

why should you put up with this?? tell your dh you will be going away for a month when she visits and he can stay at home with her all day, he'll soon shut his face then!

no, YANBU

bet you dh doesn't spend much time alone with his mother now does he???

he sounds another PITA!!

you have my sympathy

What interests does MIL have when she's at home? I think you need to make more of a life for her here so she isn't so dependent on you. My DGM used to stay with us for over a month a couple of times a year - she was lovely to have around but my DM didn't want her to be homesick so as she was a fanatical keen bridge player, we arranged for her to join a local bridge club. It meant she had her own social circle where we lived.

What we need to do is start some form of relative matching service, so that MNs who have people descending on them for extended visits can at least get a few afternoons off.

eg Tourist City Area

WANTED
Lunchdate for MIL, hobbies include teeth picking, transport provided.

I would send her out with the older child and tell the younger one she can go ONLY if she does not run off. See how the MIL copes with the older 'easier' child and assess if both can go. I would be tempted to get reins for your little one and tell your MIL to hold on with the good hand!

My MIL also picks her teeth, as well as brushes them while watching TV with toothpaste spit flying all over the sofa. She got super upset because I asked DH to tell his mother to take it into the bathroom or go to the basement and sit on the old sofa and watch TV there.

I would put your foot down on work in the evening. At dinner tell everyone that after they have finished they need to clear out of the kitchen as you have a work deadline you have to meet.

OMG - brushing teeth while watching TV? Now I have heard it all. LOL!!

I like Puffins idea!

SsD is right in that DH does NOT spend as much time with her as me! need to point that out to him!

MIL has volunteered to have the older oe to stay overnight but DDs not keen...

Want2b Some people are tooth obsessed! What i it with these people!? The bathroom is for peronal grooming surely?

Karma... I am going to tell them to bugger off out tommorow so I can catch up.

Thanks people!

My MIL is a real special case. I am not going to hijack this thread but when I say I can sympathise, I really can.

Just hang in there and keep strong. I would bribe the DD to go and spend the night with her grandma and suggest she take your daughter out for a nice breakfast in the morning. That way you should get a morning without her in your hair.

I would find this infuriating. But is there a cultural thing going on here? I ask because your MIL sounds exactly like my ILs. And my ILs are in turn aghast that I am so independent when visiting as to not require their company 24/7...