to expect teacher to say something nice for once?

[whethergirl]

Due a "constulation evening" at DS (yr 1) school next week which means we get 10 mins to speak to class teacher.

Last time this happened, I came away feeling quite despondent. Teacher told me ds was behind in literacy, and also mentioned he was quite "young for his age" (in terms of maturity, I guess).

I know he is a bit behind with literacy but it never really worried me much considering he is only 5. But I made the effort and have been working with him at home to improve things so he doesn't get too far behind. He trys his best! But he just finds it difficult.

DS is a complete daydreamer and so not always on the ball! I also know he is always well behaved at school, never been in trouble, helpful, considerate, follows rules to a T and respectful. He is a confident speaker, enthusiastic and bright/inquisitive. But none of these things were even mentioned.

I'm guessing next week is going to be a repeat of the last consultation. Now, at work, when you get an appraisal, the manager tells you how pleased he is in certain areas as well as what needs improving. AIBU to expect the same at school, or should I just sit there, while she goes on again about how behind he is with literacy and not expect her to say anything positive at all? Nothing is ever said about his social skills for example, which I think are just as important. It just all seems to be about achieving set standards.

I just find in general, with his teacher, whenever we've had quick chats here and there, she's never once said anything complimentary/encouraging/postive about ds. Am I expecting too much?

Thanks soccerwidow - have looked up the links. That Mr Thorne is amazing! What a hero!!

hope it goes well whethergirl - we'll have to compare notes after the event!!!

Have only read OP as not much time. I had this experience once.

My daughter was older (KS2, Yr 5 I think) and continually got negative comments written on her homework. Eg - teacher went on about messy handwriting so DD tried really hard for next week's homework and produced beautiful handwriting which went unnoticed, but that week she made a really negative comment about something else.

It went on and on and on.

Eventually I made an appointment and drew her attention to it. She was insistent that she only used positive teaching methods but I took the book with me and took her through all her comments and pointed out my daughter's efforts.

She was visably shcocked and didn't realise she was doing it and admitted that she didn't look back over previous weeks works but took each week in its own context so had never noticed the improvements.

Draw her attention to her negative attitude and ask her if she has anything positive to say, or what your DC's strengths are..which lessons he/she enjoys most etc. If the teacher can't answer it will make her realise that she isn't looking at the whole picture, if she can answer you've got some positives!
I've done this too with another negative teacher.
HTH

I know whethergirl, I understand that teachers have to be honest but they can do that without resorting to negativity and putting the child down. Like dd Ed Psych though she has talking about dd difficulties after her school assessment, it was so positive and refreshing, to the headteachers version of events, who told me that the Ed Psych was very concerned about dd, and talking about her so negatively.

mistlethrush - will let you know! I've been scheduled for Weds.

Misfitless - wow, I'm glad you got that one sorted out. I guess as far as we are concerned, the teacher is teaching our child, but in fact our kids are one of 30. So it is also up to us to point things out and not just assume the teacher knows what she's doing. DS seems to think he is doing wonderfully and is SO proud of his anything he does at school, so I'm glad that the teacher's negativity is not directed towards him at all.

I feel so much more prepared this time round so will handle it better no matter which way it goes.

pigletmania - I do agree. Being negative does not change or improve the situation. I hate to say it, but ds teacher is very young and has no children of her own, and sometime this lack of experience shows.

Hope it goes well!