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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To insist my ds goes to college instead of sixth form at his school

30 replies

nightime · 10/03/2011 18:51

The sixth form at my dc's school is useless, my dd is in year 13 now and regrets staying on,

My ds has to decide soon what he is gonna do and wants to further his education, a few of his friends plan to stay at the school so he wants to as well but I think he would be be wasting his time and will be better off going to college,

He cannot see my point and says i'm being very unreasonable.

OP posts:

Sn0wflake · 10/03/2011 19:30

I think you have to respect your child's choice at this point actually.

atswimtwolengths · 10/03/2011 19:32

Is he hoping to go on to university? If so, he will really need the highest grades he can get.

Why does your dd regret staying on? Is it just not for her, or is there a problem with the teachers?

hocuspontas · 10/03/2011 19:34

I think you need to be clear on why your dd has regrets. These may not apply to ds. Difficult one I know.

Flisspaps · 10/03/2011 19:37

I think he's now at the age where you have to start respecting his decisions. Get DD to talk to him about what the Sixth Form is like.

You can advise, but I think that this is a decision that he should be looking to make himself.

AgentZigzag · 10/03/2011 19:38

He's a bit old for having to do what his mum says isn't he??

It's laughable for me to imagine my mum and dad thinking they could tell me what to do at that age.

You've brought him up to the best of your ability, now you've got to let him use what you've taught him to make his own choices and mistakes.

But then it's a short OP, so it's possible you could bring up other reasons why you're not being unreasonable.

herbietea · 10/03/2011 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChorltonChick · 10/03/2011 19:51

IMO (experienced teacher hat on) 6th forms in schools give SO MUCH more support to the kids than 6th form colleges.

Round our way the college's results are so much poorer. The teachers will know your DS and his capabilities and will be on his back much more than college (in a good way - his attendance, punctuality, how well he is using his study periods etc)

More chance of just being 'a mumber' when start at a new college, IMO

atswimtwolengths · 10/03/2011 19:52

It's hard to see someone make a mistake, though, AgentZigzag. She's brought him up, but he's still only 16 (if that.)

OP, go to the open evenings at both places. Speak to the teachers (in front of him) about grades and what past students have done.

It's silly for him to make a decision based on what his friends are doing. Is he the kind of boy who doesn't like change? Has he been really happy at school? Has he done well there? Does he believe he could have done more - ie has he been critical of his teachers?

Find out which of his friends are going to the college - I doubt they will all be going to the school.

atswimtwolengths · 10/03/2011 19:54

I agree with you, ChorltonChick - if you've got a good school sixth form then they are much better. But some schools, frankly, aren't good and don't do their best for their sixth formers.

I work in a college teaching A levels and we certainly get better results than neighbouring schools.

thisisyesterday · 10/03/2011 19:57

i went to college based on where my friends were. i wish i hadn't

if you can persuade him to go somewhere better then do so. he is 16, he won't be thinking about the long-term effects of his choice he'll just be thinking of his friends.

he is still a child

Mandy2003 · 10/03/2011 20:01

I'd agree with Fliss and Chorlton. The 6th form at my school was abolished just as I got in to Year 10. Had to go to a sixth form college which was bad (as Chorlton points out, school would have been so much better).

Plus when I went the place was only half built and we had to walk a mile to a disused grammar school for certain lessons. I felt like a number, and left after a year. No A Levels for me then

BUT if the college course has vocational elements I would say go for it. If you can get him to admit if his decision is primarily down to peer pressure, and let his sister have input.

AgentZigzag · 10/03/2011 20:04

He's only at the start of possibly making a lot of mistakes atswim, unless the OPs going to be a parent who believes they have a right to interfere in their childrens lives whatever their age, she's got to learn to let go at some point.

Probably not relevant, but I moved out at 16, not because I'd fallen out with my parents or because they were abusive or anything, but because I wanted to and they had no jurisdiction over me.

I just can't see how you're going to insist OP.

babyapplejack · 10/03/2011 20:05

What problems is your DD having - would they affect your DS - ie are they doing the same subjects and would they have the same teachers. Are the problems relating to children in your DD's year group? It the school's sixth form well respected?

Sixth form colleges generally have much more freedom than school sixth forms and I would prefer a school sixth form.

cat64 · 10/03/2011 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PurpleCrazyHorse · 10/03/2011 20:47

Visit the open days for both and any other 6th form options in the vicinity. Definitely get your DD to elaborate on why she doesn't like it or why it's so useless. Could it be that your DD would prefer the freedom of a college? I found 6th form is much more school-like.

crw1234 · 10/03/2011 21:02

I have very very good experience of 6th form colleges -

2rebecca · 10/03/2011 21:52

16 year olds are legally adults here in Scotland for most things. It should definitely be his decision. You and his dad should try and guide him in that decision though.

sunnydelight · 10/03/2011 22:28

You need to identify the SPECIFIC issues with the school that you are unhappy about and then see if they are likely to affect your DS in the same way that they have your DD. For example is it the quality of teaching? If so, is your DS likely to be taking those subjects.

I also think you need to look at the personality of the kid. Has your son "outgrown school", is he craving the independence of a more adult environment? Does he work well without being chivvied? is he a self starter?

Original poster

nightime · 11/03/2011 09:02

Hi sorry I have not been back on, Ds needed my laptop for homework,

Both my dd and those of her friends that stayed on now wish they hadn't and had gone to college instead, They got their results from their resits yesterday and in one subject where the teacher takes weeks at a time off and no work is ever left for them and no supply teacher ever supplied out of about 15 students the only boy that even passed was one who doesn't go to the lessons and just studies at home,

My dd isn't the cleverest in the class but wanted to resit to better her grade but even the few students that were predicted A's or B's failed.

I know that if I attend the open day with my ds that what they put across is only for that day as my dd has had to help out on previous ones, They make the common room look inviting and fun, put a tv, dvd player, microwave and comfy chairs in there, but that is all for show as it's taken away straight after, in reality they have normal school chairs and tables, a fridge and a kettle,

I have questioned the lack of teachers at a previous open evening and was fobbed off with excuses and lies, With my dd sitting there next to me I was told that when a teacher is absent work is always left or emailed to the students but this is not true, My dd wants to do the best she possibly can and does study hard, she is much more academic than my ds who says he cannot see the point of school, I have to nag at him to do his homework whereas dd just does it,

He is easily distracted and I've been told by a few of his teachers that he would do so much better if he mixed with different students but he won't, Those are the students who want to go into the sixth form and I think he needs to get away from them at least during school hours.

At the end of the day I cannot force him but I just think that as he is more of a hands on person and wants to go into mechanics he stands a better chance of achieving that at college,

OP posts:

lililolo · 11/03/2011 09:23

I don't think you are bui actually. I suppose at 16 he should have the final decision, but I would very very strongly advise him especially if you are going to be supporting him.

I am surprised by the response really, especially as parents are expected to pay for education these days. How he does on his a levels really will shape his opportunities in higher ed and that will shape the rest of his life. I think you'd be pretty irresponsible to not strongly advise.

Fwiw, i wanted to do a btech in performing arts when I was 16, and my parents 'made' me do alevels (yes, I did still think it was somewhat their choice, I was living in their house etc) and I'm really glad I did now.

smokingnuns · 11/03/2011 09:28

It's all very well saying he's got to make his own decision which stands up in theory but not in practise. He is only 16, so young. Take him to the open day at the college and let's hope he likes the look of it and meets some cool people and is persuaded. I think at this age if you are too rigid in how you present your decision your ds will lock horns - use full-on persuasion and every wile, knowing what your ultimate decision is but hoping he will make it himself without being forced.

Gosh I would be so angry about what you're saying about the 6th form at the school. Surely there's a legal situaton there - have the parents got together to initiate a formal complaint? Write to LEA and copy to governors. Appalled at the amenities put in the 6th form centre for the open day that are later withdrawn. Someting similar happened to my daughter but she wanted to get to the end of her A levels by hook or by crook (tutors, study guides etc) and didn't want the disruption of a complaint. She ended up doing one A level with the local college because the school was so crap - she didn't get a good grade with all the disruption. Thankfully, ds listened to her advice and went somewhere else.

Original poster

nightime · 12/03/2011 20:10

Thanks I'm even more confused now as I've seen dd past and now results, she got 25 marks in which resulted in an E in the summer, she has retaken it and got a 57 mark but has still got an E. This is very confusing, can anyone on here explain how double the marks result in the same grade as before?

OP posts:

atswimtwolengths · 12/03/2011 20:12

I don't understand that at all. Which subjects and modules were they?

Original poster

nightime · 12/03/2011 20:16

AS English Literature

OP posts:

Original poster

nightime · 12/03/2011 20:36

My dd has been here for the jast hour or so but sher has gone to bed now.

I am very shocked at what she has told me, what her teachers have told her regarding examination marks, I thought everyone was marked equally no matter what but it seems that isnt the case,

OP posts:

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